Ds wants his dad to visit him but Dh isn’t comfortable

[heartmyheart]

Ds is 20 and has never been particularly close to his dad, a lot of this is due to distance but in 20 years he’s only seen his dad a dozen times but they do chat on the phone.
His dad has another family now and has found it difficult to spend time with him.
However his dad has said he’d now like to come and visit him and ds has agreed.
Ds would like him to come over and see his house and where he lives and spend time with him here but Dh is saying he doesn’t want him to come in and that Ds is old enough to meet him somewhere without him needing to come over which would be uncomfortable for him.

On the other hand this is also Ds home and he wants his dad to come and visit so I am torn while I see both sides I don’t want to make Dh feel uncomfortable in his own home but I also don’t want Ds not to feel he can have his dad to visit in his home especially as he’s never come to see him before and he’s exited that he’s making the effort as it’s only ever been ds going to visit his dad until now.
I feel torn as it’s all of our home and everyone should have a say in who comes here.

Nope, I've read them. DH feels overlooked in favour of a father that contributed nothing.
DH needs to figure that out and not have it negatively impact DS.
Feeling a certain way in normal, allowing it to negatively impact others is optional.

You can say exactly the same for the DS.

After the 'not real family' comment I wouldn't let this guy in my home.

I'm sorry but no . You need to respect your husbands wishes here .there is no need for your adult son to have him in your house. Id completely see the point from a co-parenting perspective if he where younger but from what you've wrote your ex isn't much of a dad so why now should you accommodate. Your not teaching your adult son healthy boundaries whatsoever. It's his dad's fault for not being present enough to care about his own flesh and blood and has prioritised his other family over your son and has been from the sounds of it breadcruming him .

I don't think it's up to dh to accommodate ds absolutely useless father. I wouldn't blame him for feeling uncomfortable and resenting his appearance.

Why can't father have your son to visit his house?

He's referred to dh and dh family as not even family? Wow I see he's going out of his way to ingratiate himself.

At 20 years old, this isnt a delicate situation. He still lives at home so has to abide by his parents rules, meaning you and dh not ex. When he gets his own place, he can have deadbeat dad of the year around whenever he wants.