My husband doesn’t want to buy me an eternity ring. AIBU to want one?

[slowsausages]

20 year wedding anniversary coming up. Husband asked what I’d like and I said my only thing really is an eternity ring.
He’s acted so weird (I think) and basically taken offence to it. He thinks that wanting/getting one makes the wedding and engagement ring less special. That those rings symbolise forever and that essentially you shouldn’t need anything more.

I feel kind of offended and sad and let down. Now I feel like even if he got me one I just would feel awkward receiving it and wouldn’t have a good feeling anytime I saw it.
I feel like he’s ruined the whole idea of it.

AIBU unreasonable to feel this way?
Has anyone else’s husbands ever had similar?
I didn’t think it was a big deal and had no idea anyone would or could take it that way?

I was given an eternity ring on our 25th wedding anniversary. DH's father died quite suddenly a few weeks before and it didn't feel right to be getting a ring, but DH insisted and said we should mark the occasion. I am so glad he did. I wear my wedding and eternity rings together, they look lovely. My engagement ring and my mother's were given to my daughters (well, to my sons in law) when they got engaged. I rarely wore them so it is really nice to see them being worn and enjoyed.

To be fair that is sort of funny - I would laugh at that.

But only as a joke!

I don’t think there’s actually anything wrong with wanting one.

I love my eternity ring, partly because my engagement ring was a cheap one from a vintage shop which my husband proposed to me with. He offered to take me shopping for a proper one, but at the time I opted not to and stuck with the proposal ring, so my eternity ring feels precious and sparkly sitting next to my wedding band. I got it for our anniversary around the time our second child was born.

In my neck of the woods an eternity ring is on the birth of your first baby. My mum has one, my grandmother etc, I dont really want one but I have a spectacular engagement ring and my wedding band is quite jazzy on its own. There's nothing wrong with wanting some jewellery.

A few friends' mothers got engaged when they had less money and upgraded to a big diamond ring 20 years in when they were much better off. Which is fair enough, both can be worn on different occasions (or neither!)

Im almost 10 years in but as I have suitably sparkly rings im going to receive the super romantic gesture of a new coffee grinder 😂😂

Would a compromise be an emerald ring, as this suits the 20th (so definitely a thing, and not compromising a wedding ring)?
Cost can vary from very little to lots, and it might make both of you happy?

Don’t feel silly. You want a ring. He wants golf clubs. Why should you be the disappointed one. Buy him some chocolates and use the money to treat yourself to a nice ring.

I don't think it's silly to want an eternity ring at all! I was given one for my birthday the year after I gave birth to my eldest. My husband knew I wanted one and did ask a friend if this was the last time he'd have to buy me an expensive piece of jewellery!! I've got a really simple, very thin wedding band and quite an impractical engagement ring so I really love my eternity band because I can wear it every day and it gives a bit more width and sparkle to my wedding band and for special occasions when I get my engagement ring out my three rings look lovely together. I'm hoping for another ring for my other hand for our 20th wedding anniversary or my 50th birthday in a few years time because jewellery is something I really appreciate.

I'd buy my own

I had one on the birth of our second child.

MIL just received one for her 70th birthday, after almost 50 years of marriage!

I get you OP. I’d love the sentimentality of an eternity ring - I’d see it as a way of saying he still stands by our wedding vows.

my DH chose my engagement ring before proposing, and it isn’t a style I’d have chosen for myself. I’d love the opportunity to add to the set and make it more my style.

sadly, DH isn’t the sort to be even remotely aware of what an eternity ring is. Let alone understand the symbolism. And I’ll never spell it out to him because (to me) the ring wouldn’t have sentimental value unless given unprompted.

I had a beautiful diamond necklace for our 10th, which I wear every day. It often gives me a little glow of contentment and connection.

Has anyone seen Hannah Fry’s video on why diamonds are rubbish and everyone should get a Zircon instead? It’s the most gorgeous, romantic explanation. I got an eternity ring for Xmas, made from zircon. A fraction of the cost of diamonds, but sparkles all the same and everyone else assumes they’re diamonds - it’s only me and my husband that know the real, wildly romantic truth

When I was younger you got an eternity ring when you had your first child

I got mine for the same reason others have, it was 20 years later and I could afford something better - 2.5 carats of old cut diamonds from the early Victorian era. Way cheaper than a modern ring and modern cut but I love the glow.

I got one after 10 years because it felt like an eternity by then 😂

20 years if he won't then buy yourself a beautiful one.

First time I ever saw an eternity ring was in the argos catalogue.

We've been married 20 years this year. I wasn't planning on even really marking it!

No he asked what you wanted and you told him! He’s the one in the wrong

doesn’t matter if randoms like the or not. It’s what you asked for

I want an eternity ring too. My husband said he would get me one. Been waiting over 12 years so far. Doubt I'll ever get one.

Is he broke?

He should buy you what you want, it doesnt sound like a huge ask if youre buying golf clubs x

I'll be honest that I can't be bothered to check the links but this does support the theory that they are a marketing job by jewellers. To offload surplus diamonds, apparently.

If you like jewellery, want something in particular and can afford it - buy it yourself! That way you get exactly what you want!

My 'D'H tried that line for Valentine's Day. He assumed wrong 🤣 To be fair I only wanted a soppy card and some chocolates I didn't have to share 🤣

I love the way mine looks next to my wedding and engagement rings, feels like it finishes it off. Don't feel silly, it's a perfectly good present option and much more meaningful than golf clubs! I love rings though, I'd like one every year if I had enough fingers!

They were invented by the diamond houses as a way of getting rid of the glut of diamond chips they had.

No tradition. yet another marketing myth

that said - I do quite like them!

Why? An eternity ring looks very nice stacked with the wedding and engagement rings. Not sure why everyone else says you expect too much. What are you supposed to ask for? Pots? Pans?

I think he should buy you an eternity ring. He sounds a bit stingy.