My husband doesn’t want to buy me an eternity ring. AIBU to want one?

[slowsausages]

20 year wedding anniversary coming up. Husband asked what I’d like and I said my only thing really is an eternity ring.
He’s acted so weird (I think) and basically taken offence to it. He thinks that wanting/getting one makes the wedding and engagement ring less special. That those rings symbolise forever and that essentially you shouldn’t need anything more.

I feel kind of offended and sad and let down. Now I feel like even if he got me one I just would feel awkward receiving it and wouldn’t have a good feeling anytime I saw it.
I feel like he’s ruined the whole idea of it.

AIBU unreasonable to feel this way?
Has anyone else’s husbands ever had similar?
I didn’t think it was a big deal and had no idea anyone would or could take it that way?

We recently celebrated our golden wedding anniversary. I’d been thinking for a while that I’d like an eternity ring. That idea when out of the window when my ever-the -romantic husband said “I assume we’re not doing presents?”

Why should you feel silly? Its an item you fancied and he asked you!

Im old so maybe its not a thing now but on our first anniversary my husband bought me one. It matches my other rings and still looks pretty.

If he feels it's taking away from your other rings thats his feelings, but you aren't silly for answering his question

If you dont go ahead because it will hurt his feelings fair enough but don't feel bad or silly for asking

No - don’t. My DM had one, and both my SILs have one. MIL had a new engagement ring at 20 years, much bigger stone.

I didn’t get one as I wear my DM’s rings as well as mine, but I asked for some very special jewellery for our 30th.

Eternity rings were very traditional - your DH is talking nonsense.

Not remotely silly
Very odd for him to ask and then say you shouldnt want one
Ive got one and a lovely ring for my last large birthday.
Shove his golf clubs up his arse!

YANBU ! eternity rings are beautiful i think. I got one after having my third baby, friends of mine got theirs after babies or for special anniversaries.

I couldn't be arsed with having to wear another ring. I totally get where your dh is coming from. You already have the ring! Maybe he could have been more sensitive but its the kind of thing I'd do if I just didn't understand.

And to the pp, no, you dont get an eternity ring for having a baby- you get a baby.

I think YANBU.

He asked what you wanted, you told him and he poo-pooed it.

I think it would have been a nice gesture to get you the ring. I don’t see the negativity around it.

I am not married btw so no agenda here!

He asked, you told him, he doesn't think you should want one..... that would piss me off as well.

Well my exH refused to buy me an eternity ring when id mentioned id quite like one z- he "joked" because marriage is "until death us do part" and he hadnt signed up to eternity!!

Tbh i did actually think that was quite funny! And it's not why we split. But yeah, these things often mean more to us than them I think!

I think eternity rings are very special. But perhaps focus on something for the two of you and leave the eternity ring for later

No that's what I was always told!

I got my eternity ring first because we had our daughter before we got married. It has band of my horses hair inlaid below the ring of diamonds and it's the most precious ring I own, more precious than my engagement and wedding ring because it was made for me and it's my horses and daughters ring and they mean the world to me. My horse is no longer with us which makes it even more precious.

It's not silly to want something so sentimental as an eternity ring in my opinion, I treasure mine.

I thought they were traditionally to celebrate the birth of a child?

DH gave me a half eternity ring when DC1 was born. I bought myself a second half eternity when DC2 arrived. I don’t have an engagement ring though, so quite often wear them both with my wedding band.

That’s a bit dull, for celebrating 20 years together imv

@slowsausages could it be just that it doesn’t give him enough time to save for such an expensive gift?

I didn’t have any thoughts of getting an eternity ring ,my DH got me one for our 20th anniversary
I loved it,but it didn’t change our relationship, would have been happy with anything

As I’ve gotten older, I realise it’s a gimmick.

I do laugh now over the fact that one of my ex friends a few years ago flaunted hers at me and tried to put my marriage down because I didn’t have one.

She very smugly said “perhaps your DH doesn’t want to be with you forever like mine does” … Her DH left her last year.

You are not being unreasonable to feel this way. If he can afford it and knows you want it I don’t understand the problem. I have been in a similar situ.. for our 10th dh told me he was having a pair of hoop earrings made. They never materialised which was so out of character for him. Had he mentioned it and said too expensive I would’ve totally fine. But nothing, not even a token for our 10th. A year later when he tried to give me an 11th, I told him how I felt. He then bought me a pair so ridiculous that we had to have a safe screwed into concrete to insure. I hate them because they remind me of what he (didn’t) do. Don’t get any pleasure from them! So there’s your answer I’m afraid.

Honestly I’d just ask him why he thinks jewellery as a gift for his wife is weird. Buying your wife jewellery is a pretty standard thing…. Husbands have been doing it since the dawn of time.

I wanted one after my kids. It was the done thing where I came from. Completely alien concept to my DH who was like yours and basically didn't want to do it. He's not tight usually.

This would make me wonder if something was going on and he doesn’t plan on sticking around for eternity.
Call me suspicious but I learned to trust my gut after ignoring stuff like this and getting a horrible shock.
Hope I am wrong in this case.

So he won't buy you an eternity ring because he thinks your relationship is suitably marked by the other rings and a new ring would somehow taint them...

But he's happy for you to buy him tech and golf club, which have nothing to do with celebrating your relationship, and doesnt see having random materialistic stuff as undermining the marking of the occasion?

He doesn't have to believe the eternity ring hype but it's a bit shitty to not just go along with it because it makes you happy when it sounds like he is going to be getting a present that makes him happy 🤨

I feel the same way as your dh, though I’m sorry that he soured the idea for you. I just find it a weird concept. I’m also quite repulsed by the idea of getting one as a push present. I know it’s very meaningful for many, but it just feels grimly transactional.

I was a bit weird about engagement rings too, so I’m clearly an odd bod. I love mine because dh gave it to me but if he’d asked me first I’d have preferred not to get one at all.

I don’t think you have. That’s when I got mine. Totally unexpected.

Hey OP, my anniversary was recently and I told my husband I wanted a ring. We celebrated 10 years together. I just wanted a sapphire one, albeit a cheap one, just because my wedding and engagement rings don’t fit me anymore as I have gotten fatter over the years.
I have told him since last year but he didn’t get me anything, however we went to have lunch together.
I am dissatisfied, just like you.
Solidarity