My husband doesn’t want to buy me an eternity ring. AIBU to want one?

[slowsausages]

20 year wedding anniversary coming up. Husband asked what I’d like and I said my only thing really is an eternity ring.
He’s acted so weird (I think) and basically taken offence to it. He thinks that wanting/getting one makes the wedding and engagement ring less special. That those rings symbolise forever and that essentially you shouldn’t need anything more.

I feel kind of offended and sad and let down. Now I feel like even if he got me one I just would feel awkward receiving it and wouldn’t have a good feeling anytime I saw it.
I feel like he’s ruined the whole idea of it.

AIBU unreasonable to feel this way?
Has anyone else’s husbands ever had similar?
I didn’t think it was a big deal and had no idea anyone would or could take it that way?

Are you menopausal? Is he stressed? This all seems a bit melodramatic over a ring. He’s not wanting to divorce you. He offered you a gift - maybe he wasn’t thinking as expensive as jewellery.. If he doesn’t want to buy you one then it doesn’t mean he hates you. They are quite an old fashioned tradition I think these days. What are you going to buy him?

Well YANBU to want one but would you be willing to accept a cheap one? I'd think an eternity ring would be quite expensive and it's not really fair if you get a ££££ ring and he gets nothing

We went halves!

What's the point of eternity rings? What are they for? Isn't the wedding ring meant to be for eternity?

I didn’t know they were a thing.

I agree with your DH, a wedding ring symbolises commitment and love.

Ok so far this is all making me feel a lot better thank you. I guess it is silly and I was caught up in it. I didn’t mind getting a mid range I wasn’t expecting him to spend loads. Of course I am getting him a gift! I’ve asked him what he’d like but it will be something he wants like golf clubs or some kind of tech.

I feel like it’s a bit more in perspective it only a ring and I have the important ones!

He asked, you told him, and now he's told you why you shouldn't want one ...

Is he usually a bit mean?

I think YANBU assuming what you're asking for isn't wildly out of budget. He asked what you wanted and you answered. What's wrong with wanting a nice ring? It's no more a waste of money if you'll enjoy it than any other gift and they're hardly an unusual concept.

I think he's being a bit mean and dismissive. Would a nice ring you wore on a different finger be a compromise if he doesn't like the idea of it detracting from your wedding and engagement rings?

@ChavsAreReal No he isn’t usually mean at all, he’s usually very good with gifts and treating me and on the whole a very lovely husband which is why I was surprised at his reaction. He said it makes him feel like the other rings weren’t enough

He's right though, the wedding ring is the same as an eternity ring.

Exactly. Been married 29 years and I don’t have one. They’re a bit ‘vow renewal’ aren’t they? Pushed by jewellers as ‘a thing’.

Now I feel silly for wanting one 😆 thanks everyone

I would really like an eternity ring too! I get how you feel

My dad got my mum an eternity ring for their first wedding anniversary, i thought that was the done thing, i guess not!

Of course you’re not silly. But ask yourself why you want one. Is it because you know friends who have them? I always think it would ruin the look of my wedding and engagement ring that’ll together. I would rather have another ring on the other hand where it would be better seen and not in a jumble of rings.

I bet it was jewellers who started the idea of eternity rings. Do you just really like jewelry OP? Or is it the receiving of the ring from him that appeals?
Also, does he get an eternity ring? If not, why not?

I'd like an eternity ring too OP.
My reasons are, when we got married (funnily enough, 20 years ago) we didn't have much money so my wedding and engagement rings are quite plain and were very cheap - all we could afford at the time, which was fine. But now 20 years later we have both worked hard and could afford something a bit more bling....and quite frankly, I'd now like some bling.... what's wrong with that? I have absolutely no jewellery of any value. I'm 48 with a professional career, successful marriage and 2 happy children...I'd like something to celebrate how far we've come in 20 years.
If DH wanted something too I'd be more than happy. He has no interest in getting me a ring though so I'm probably just going to buy it myself 😆.

I got one at 10 years. Seems the done thing in my DH family. So imo YANBU

I love mine - it’s a token to say I still mean those vows and love you. I also have 3 DDs so they can have a ring each when I die 🤣 that was my thought process. I got one at 10 years. I’ve said to dh I’d love an engagement style ring for our 25th. It’s not an engagement ring replacement. Many of my friends are divorced and remarried so got a second ring… I’d like the second ring without the divorce part. I like shiny diamonds. I don’t buy myself jewellery so all of mine is special with meaning.

I want an eternity ring. I shows that after what feels like an eternity your husband will still buy you a beautiful piece of jewellery. I do not have an eternity ring despite 20 years of marriage. I let that go because I get tea in bed.

I thought eternity rings were for the birth of your first child. Have I got that completely wrong?

Op already said he'll get something he wants like golf clubs.

I don’t think yabu, maybe he does feel like you somehow don’t value the others if he’s never heard of them being ‘a thing’. I got a right hand ring in my birthstone (antique/vintage/secondhand however you see it) and dh only knew to do that because I have repeatedly said how much I love jewellery over the years.
maybe get a feel for budget and explain its a bit of a celebration rather than an upgrade?

I got one at 10 years. It was more to pimp up my rather paltry but sentimentally significant engagement ring. It has become sentimental over time too. The eternity ring itself isn’t very ostentatious, but looks nice in combination with the others.

It used to be traditional to give an eternity ring after the birth of the first child. I don't see anything wrong with it. My DH just wouldn't buy any jewelry for me at all. I asked for earrings every year for birthday or Christmas. Nope, never got any. I actually feel quite sad as my dad bought my mum and later my stepmother eternity rings. I just think it's nice to mark a specific anniversary or something.
Edited to add its not a new thing to give an eternity ring.