Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

Know a lot about other women's mental health do you? Do you think traumatised women are crazy? Are you a man who hangs around women's toilets?

@bigboykitty

That probably would have been the better option, but perhaps the woman felt so desperate that she couldn't bring herself to wait.

Maybe any woman who is worried of the (very) small chance that there is a man in the ladies toilets (for whatever reason) should use a nappy just in case they’re unable to wait until after the man has gone / find another toilet….

I’m a survivor. I went through over twenty years of therapy and reconstructive surgery. So I can comfortably say their concern is PTSD driven. There is nothing vile about acknowledging someone’s concern as so serious it is due to disabling trauma.

Carry her / walk her into the men’s, telling her to close her eyes if necessary?

No one knows how quickly it became free either because OP arrived after them so doesn't know how long they were there in the first place.

It really wouldn't bother me at all!

Why can’t the woman in the story close her eyes? Why must a child be exposed to a lot worse for a woman to be just that little bit more comfortable?
(sarcasm)

Why should they? They are WOMENS toilets for WOMEN men shouldn't be in there . There's toilets for men called MENS.

@frostedtips

It probably would have been better for them to wait, but the lady might have felt desperate and may well have felt that she had a better chance of using the toilet more quickly if she went into the ladies' (ladies toilets often have multiple cubicles as opposed to generally just the one disabled toilet, so it's not unreasonable to think you might have a longer wait for the disabled one.)

I doubt they gave it much thought beyond getting her to a toilet as soon as they could. If she was really desperate to go, she probably won't have been focused on anything else.

They plan their day around places with toilets.

Disabled women shouldn’t be forced to use the men’s toilet because their carer is male.

Not at all weird for a three year old! ‘Close your eyes’ ‘why daddy’ ‘you might see something you shouldn’t’. So much safer for women and girls to freak out a three year old than to pop your head in to the ladies and see if it’s empty, take your three year old in for a quick wee, remaining alert and sensitive to any incoming women or girls, and get her out again as quick as possible.

Some of you are absolutely insane, can only comfort myself with the thought you cannot possible be real.

Because adult men don’t belong in the ladies.

Women and girls should not have to put up with men in there.

No by your logic they are women’s toilets for SOME women. Not women who need assistance or young girls.

Most people wouldn’t do that though because they are fine using single sex facilities because they are female only. PTSD is disabling but many people wouldn’t feel right doing it. Not to mention the shit they would potentially get from people waiting to use the accessible one.

It shouldn’t be necessary. When going into the ladies toilet you should be able to assume that anyone in there is female

So long as we all feel free to just speculate, maybe she’d filled her incontinence pad and really desperately needed to clean herself up?

And the DISABLED toilet is for DISABLED PEOPLE.

But you’re ok with ignoring that.

Except for the disabled woman who should just wear a nappy apparently.

That’s my concern too

So much safer for unaccompanied girls and teenagers (even if you think women are irrelevant) to have random men in there. I hope some of the posters thinking this is fine aren’t real.

Do you have PTSD or are you just volunteering to speak on behalf of all people who do?

Yep.

People keep acting like incontinence pads are the answer as if they don't ever need to be changed or unexpectedly leak.

And women shouldn't have to put up with men in women's toilets because the carer is male. They should use the disabled toilets.