Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

pfft loads of people have invisible disabilities. Only a complete asshole would give a person shit for using the disabled toilet when they are not visibly, obviously, stereotypically disabled.

Like it or not, PTSD is a disability and those diagnosed with it have every right to used the disabled toilet if they feel it is necessary.

Women - please be aware: this thread has been posted on a Reddit group and it appears there is now a lot of posters suddenly arguing for men in women’s spaces and trying to diminish arguments that keep us as women - and our young daughter safe.

@LoremIpsumCici

Well, yes - obviously no one knows for sure, but the woman could have had a perfectly valid reason for needing (or believing she needed) to get into a toilet ASAP and if the ladies' seemed like the best option for that, neither of them would have thought anything of it.

Women - please be aware

Thanks for warning me.

Duplicate deleted

Absolutely no-one has said it’s ok for random men to be in the ladies loos. Some of us are able to envision and accept that there are scenarios where men are caring for women or girls, and need to be there. Like we accept that sometimes there are male cleaners. And if we can’t accept that, for reasons of trauma, PTSD or ideology, then we have to figure out a way to manage it. There are not enough facilities as it is, and we should probably all be more active in lobbying for more of all types, to meet different needs.

Implying we are male perverts because we don't agree with you . That sounds like a very male thing to do 🤔

Oh if that’s where we are going, saying those with concerns of girls being flashed in the men’s loos are really men getting off on the thought, then why not speculate that posters going on about school age girls being raped in the women’s loos are also men getting off on the thought too?

Perhaps there are no concerned women here at all, just men.

What a ridiculous way to think.

I agree they should feel able to. I don’t think they should have to though when the issue is someone who shouldn’t be in there.

Many people know fuck all about invisible disabilities and wouldn’t hesitate to tackle someone they deemed not entitled.

So someone who shouldn’t be in the main ladies under any circumstances makes someone else have to use the accessible toilet. They then have to risk some cunt having a go at them when they come out.

@Crudd99

If using disabled toilets is what others prefer them to do, then there need to be a higher number of disabled toilets available to cut down on waiting time. Usually there is just one - multiple disabled toilets should be provided.

Yes I agree. A disabled woman has every right to be in the women’s toilets and to bring her carer with her, even a male carer. I can’t believe posters are seriously saying she should have gone into the men’s toilets.

Or maybe they'd been waiting for a while and the woman couldn't wait any longer.

Again, disabled people often need to occupy a toilet for much longer than an able bodied person, so the wait can be long.

Anyone who is saying it’s fine for a father to take his daughter into the ladies is saying it’s fine for random men to be in there.

Children young enough to need assistance should use the right facilities for their parents.

I’m fine with the facilities available if they aren’t being used by people who have no right to do so.

On MN boys are the scum of the earth and don't matter a jot!

I'm howling at the my princess 👸 isn't going swimming with her Dad because it's male / female changing
There was a whole thread last week fighting against unisex Changing Villages because they are unsafe for women
But 7 year old boys should use male changing alone, what about risk to them, thats a man problem.

Boys are treated like scum on here.

I agree.

Exactly this. Once you start letting men in for various reasons, it opens the floodgates .

You can’t possibly be this obtuse?

Some of us are able to envision and accept that there are scenarios where men are caring for women or girls, and need to be there. Like we accept that sometimes there are male cleaners

And yet it seems that 95% of posters on this thread are incapable of that. It's just bizarre.

I disagree with the “under any circumstances”
That is far too extreme.

That implies that a woman who collapses in a medical emergency and is calling for help from the toilets, that a male paramedic cannot go in and save her life. He’d have to loiter outside until a female one arrived. A female paramedic might not be strong enough to do any good.

She should of used the disabled toilet.

What is obtuse about it? Men need to stay out of women’s spaces. He can take his daughter with him to the men’s

They really aren’t. You haven’t got to look far to see the mothers who don’t believe their little princes can do anything wrong and constantly make excuses.

I’ve literally never seen a man in the women’s toilets, except to clean or hand out lollipops and body spray.

Even when self ID was assumed to be law. The floodgates are holding up fine.

If you mean my story about my sister. I wasn’t ‘going on’ about her being raped. It happened and I told her story as others have to do so. And it’s made feel sick that you’ve spat that out so dismissively to try and win an argument on a fucking mumsnet thread. Seriously, look at yourself. I don’t care if you disagree with every single thing I say: but to call me telling that story ‘going on about being raped’? Nah; that’s dark