Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

@saraclara

I agree with you; what I more specifically mean is that if the lady had felt able to wait a bit for the disabled toilet then that might have been best (and like you say, she may have already waited for some time) but there comes a point where if you need to go, you need to go. I think I'm trying to be fair to multiple viewpoints by saying that waiting might have been the best option, but a potentially long wait isn't acceptable either.

It’s not the only dismissive comment from this poster. I’m so sorry that this happens to your sister 😞😞

Which presumably was occupied when she needed it. And she couldn't wait.

It's massively unlikely that she chose to have to negotiate a standard sized cubicle with her Zimmer and drag her DH into the ladies, if she didn't have to

And while I'm being snarky, it's 'should have'

Which was likely not available because if it were, she’d have used it.

The disabled often doubles as baby change too. A pooy nappy can take ages.

I also wonder if the zimmer is new to her and she reluctant to use disabled / see her self as disabled (,lots of older people see disabled as for wheelchair users only)

I don’t think they’re in the real world. And are now resorting to saying those who disagree are men. It’s risible.

@someoneelsesshoes

Question, since this thread has now derailed into debating which toilets dads should take their toddler daughters into.

Over 15 years ago, I worked at a cinema. A young dad brought his daughter, who was around 2 years old, to watch a film. At one point he came out because her nappy needed changing. He took her into the gents but quickly came back out after realising there were no baby changing facilities in there; the only changing table was in the ladies, which was extremely common at the time.

We asked him to wait until the ladies was empty so he could change his daughter, and we informed every woman who went in that a father was inside changing his daughter because there were no other facilities available. Not a single woman had an issue with it.

What’s your take seeing as you are so adamantly against a man entering the ladies toilets irregardless of the need and dignity required for their daughters?

I do think there need to be more disabled toilets around, and ones that don’t double as baby changes. That would help everyone in these circumstances.

@saraclara

I can understand if it comes from people who have suffered or been traumatised in some way, but those who haven't had negative experiences themselves - I'm surprised they're so completely inflexible about it. Sometimes exceptions should be made, and I would say this qualifies as one.

Thank you, omg.

If I saw a man carrying a female toddler into the mens and telling her to close her eyes, I would be 10x more alarmed than seeing a dad or carer in the female toilets. That's "absolutely telling security just in case"-material right there.

Apparently these people care about women and girls so much they think their momentary feelings of discomfort trump the safety of literal children.

In an emergency. I did make that clear upthread. But in an emergency it’s going to be fairly clear what’s happening.

So wait I’m confused. Men in loos are so awful that we must as grown women avoid at all costs but we send toddler girls past the urinals and into the cubicles?! Someone make this make sense!

What’s your take seeing as you are so adamantly against a man entering the ladies toilets irregardless of the need and dignity required for their daughters?

My take? wow, what 2 yr old sits still watching a film at the cinema- almost like it didn’t happen! But also….thankfully these days, all men’s have changing facilities so thanks for reminding us that this no longer ever needs to happen!

If I were referring to you or your sister, I would have said you and not 3rd person “those” in my reply to you.

My rapes happened too. Your accusation that my concerns regarding young girls in the men’s loos makes me a perverted male getting off on the thought was a disgusting post to make.

I was mirroring you. If you don’t like how it feels to have your comments reflected back to you, then perhaps think twice before commenting to a child rape survivor (not the sister of one ) that you think they’re a male pervert getting off on the thread.

‘Momentary feelings of discomfort’

Okay then. I guess you couldn’t be arsed to read the full thread

Genuine question - do you think penises are traumatic or dangerous? So much so you’d want to inform security if a dad took his toddler into the men’s?

They absolutely are.

So you are dismissing her because she’s ‘only’ the sister? Fuck me, that really is dark

Please ignore comments like that. You weren't going on you just stated facts. You telling your sisters story is very important as it goes to show that these things do happen and far too regularly. Hopefully it will help others to realise why it's important to have female only spaces. Don't let them bully you xx

Fat chance! Rational thought is scarce on this thread.

GC doesn't (automatically) mean asshole.
I don't remember any of the most vocal posters from GC branch. It isn't GC position, it's something between weaponised trauma and I don't know what.

My (GC) feminism understands that the disabled lady is a woman. Sending her to men's (as some suggests) just because her caring needs are more complex wouldn’t make any sense, and could be very confusing for her.

So the threads about boys sending sleazy messages to 14 yo girls (apparently it wasn’t him), a man in prison despite ‘not being a bad lad’, and the thousands of other threads didn’t happen?

My ex husband told me that occasionally he'd go into a public toilet (not a shop one, more the random blocks of loos that used to proliferate) and come across cottaging.

I think this is probably partly why councils close a lot down. As well as vandalism and running costs.

Men's loos are often gross generally, what an option for a child because of an extreme mindset by some.

If men can't be trusted in women's loos, I don't get why some posters are adamant they're blameless innocents in their own.

You insist we should all be afraid of men, but then want us to not be afraid of penises?

Make it make sense.

😘