Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

This is a great point and precisely what made me change my mind about the great "bathroom debate".

My ex was a single father because the mother of his child died suddenly when the aforementioned was just a baby. This left him with 3 choices:

1. Never take your daughter anywhere without a female accomplice
2. Take your daughter in the men's which are often filthier, and definitely way more likely to be full of creeps.
3. Take your daughter in the ladies' and repeatedly apologise/explain why you're in there

Obviously he chose #3. And was still shouted at and approached by security multiple times over the years. Frustrating when he was one of the good ones who totally understood why women would feel uncomfortable, but wanted to keep his daughter safe.

Yes plan to use the disabled toilets as that's an accepted place for either sex to take a young child to the toilet. That's why there's usually baby changing facilities in there. You're being silly saying plan for them never to need the toilet. Just plan ahead. Go to a child friendly place. Like you wouldn't take a child to a strip club 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Fuck me, you must have had a lot of personal conversions or seen a lot of your mates pissing….

😆

And fathers shouldnt be in the ladies. As has been made clear to you.

But the man in the OP was a carer in an impossible situation so we should all have empathy for that.

?

I've been on Reddit maybe twice in my life.
So is this why this thread is flooded with unfamiliar handles? I thought it was just posters flooding across from the GC branch.

he won’t take his own daughter into into the men’s with him because ‘they’re full of creeps’ (ie men) yet imposes his male self onto other women and girls in a space, a say 10yr old girl, expects to be solely for them. Believe me mate. He is not ‘one of the good ones.’ He’s fucking disgusting. He’s hoodwinked you for sure. Does he gleefully expect his daughter to come across random men on the toilet when she’s a little older.

edited to say - I genuinely can’t believe this: he’s been ‘repeatedly’ chased down by security and other women yet still demanded and insisted he is allowed in women’s toilets. This is really not normal. Have you down a Claire’s Law request on him?

Feel free to cite that legal guidance.

And sometimes fathers are carers in impossible situations, how bizarre that you can’t see that.

They still have to unzip, pull trousers open, take their dick in their hands and manually aim it. They will be pissing in urinals not toilets.🫤

Anyone going in will be seeing this from the side, not behind.

A small girl’s eye level is at crotch level. It will be front and centre.

I made the hypothetical scenario balanced saying the toilets in both scenarios would have 3-4 other adults in each.

Being flashed with a naked dick will happen every time a father takes his young daughter into the men’s loos. It would be very rare for them to go in and be the only ones in there the entire time.

On the other hand, your assumption that any 10yr old alone in a female toilet is definitely going to get raped if a male carer, cleaner, or security guard happens to go in there to assist another female is actually an extremely rare occurrence. In fact, of all the rapes done in the women’s loos, I don’t know of any that were done by a father with his young toddler daughter, a male carer assisting a disabled woman, a male cleaner, or a male security guard.

In fact, isn’t it usually lone men dressed as women or lone men stalking a girl or woman? Lone men with the kind of rap sheet that would bar them from any caring, cleaning or security job in a women’s’ space anyway?

It's absolutely insane that the same people who are completely unhinged in their assertions that no man shall enter a female toilet because perverts, are also saying that it's completely fine for a man to take his young daughter into the male toilets because if any men are using the urinals they will be discreet.

So no men in the male toilets will be perverts (presumably they're all in the ladies with zimmer frames pretending to help nonexistent wives), and potentially take the opportunity to get a kick out of discretely showing the little girl a bit of their genitalia as her and dad go past then apologise and say it was accidental if they get a reaction or dad sees?

It's fucking nuts.

There’s some hope then. He shouldn’t have been there, apologies or not. He clearly wasn’t that bothered about women if he was prepared to upset them because the men’s was full of creeps. From the pov of the women in there, a strange man in their toilets is automatically a potential threat (as the real ‘good guys’ wouldn’t do that in the first place).

If that’s true, wouldn’t the risk be the same when fathers take their sons in too?

Child friendly places don’t really overlap with disability friendly places.

Yes and there is also the thing that he might not be that fit himself.
Lots of very elderly couples muddle through together.
I wonder if the zimmer is new to her and she'd still getting her head round it and build confidence using it.

Please don’t use disabled toilets if you’re not disabled, it’s a piss take and potentially puts people in undignified and uncomfortable situations. How fucking entitled that you think it’s acceptable to ‘plan ahead’ and do so.

In the OP scenario, it’s possible the woman could have managed perfectly fine alone in the disabled loo, due to space, handrails etc. Instead potentially a selfish parent sent their kid in and left the woman and her husband to run the gauntlet and humiliation of using the ladies.

It’s disgraceful that baby changing facilities are still co-located with disabled toilets, and this should change. If changing a baby of course a carer or parent should use those. But not in any random circumstance.

Nope, thats just being a parent.

The vast majority of fathers think men in thel ladies is inappropraiate.

I’m not responding to you any longer as your posts have taken a creepy vibe. No, little girls are not ‘looking at mens’s dicks.’ Disgusting

They may well be perverts. He only has to walk her in, if necessary obscuring her view.

But the common problem is men.

Most pedophiles prefer girls.

I managed to take my young sons to the right bathroom for them without entering and doing it safely. The same method could be used for father's taking young daughters. Stand at the door when they enter. State loudly and clearly that you will be standing right there listening (believe it or not, you can actually hear from outside the bathroom well with the door closed). Never had a problem.

Why didn’t OP use the accessible toilet then if she was that traumatised and it was free?

Also not sure how toilets are so different in a child friendly place 🤷‍♀️

Yanbu men shouldn't be in the designated female only space. The disabled toilet was the right one to use. If someone is unable to hold for a few minutes surely they wear a nappy? What if they get the urge in the car park etc, they must hold on then?

Sure you can’t fight logic, so you stoop to twisting my words. Got it.