Mother in law didn’t throw me a baby shower, but is doing it for my sister in law.

[curlyhairedlady]

I completely understand that she’s closer to her daughter as she’s her mother.. however when I’ve been pregnant in the past, mother in law never offered to plan a baby shower for me. Now my sister in law is pregnant, she’s holding a baby shower for her.
When I’ve been pregnant in the past, MIL has always been competitive with me. Shame on me for bottle feeding.. she had natural births because she’s got a high pain tolerance ( I had C Sections). Now that SIL is scheduled for have a C Section she’s completely understanding of her choice. its not an easy family to be a part of but i do it for my partner.
She knows Im gutted I didn’t have a baby shower, and now she’s bombarding me with texts saying I need to be available on a certain date to attend the baby shower. I told her I can’t be there as I have something booked with the kids, and that my SIL and the baba are very lucky to have one. And she keeps bombarding me with more texts saying “you should come” etc, knowing I would have loved one.
I feel like she’s going to drive me to insanity. Nothing I say goes, ever. Am I being unreasonable feeling like this?
there is a lot more she has done to upset me in the past, but I’ve been trying to put it aside.

what did your mum do for you?

I would be grateful I dodged a bullet!

Is it SIL's first baby?

Usually a baby shower is for a first time mom. The person giving it is a close friend or family member. You don't sound close to your MIL, so no, I wouldn't expect that from her if I were you

What’s your relationship like with your own mum?

I can understand that if your mum is about then she might have thought she’d have done it for you.

Would you have wanted her to do it?

Normally friends host baby showers don't they, not MsIL?

Well, not in my world they don't, but apparently we're all snobs 😄

YABU, you aren’t very close and she’s not your mum. Throwing a baby shower for her own daughter makes sense, you could have thrown your own baby shower if it was important to you.

The title should be “why did my husbands mum throw a baby shower party for her own daughter not me”?

Is your MIL throwing a baby shower for her daughter (your SIL) ?

I cannot see the issue of her doing this - it is her daughter, and you aren't her daughter- you have totally different relationship.

I understand that both babies are MIL' grandchildren but baby showers aren't for the babies really - they are for the mum to be.

I think Mils throwing baby showers for their Dil would be classed as overstepping, surely.

This. The only exception I can think of is if your mother is dead but even then I'd probably assume close friends or aunties/cousins/sisters or whatever would arrange this with you rather than a MIL.

You are not her daughter. It’s a completely different relationship, so comparing her approach to her own child with her approach to you makes no sense.

I’m not saying she shouldn’t treat you well as her DIL. Of course she should. But what she does for her own child is irrelevant. If you believe that a mother should hold a baby shower for a pregnant woman then surely it should be your own mum, not someone else’s who you should be pointing the finger at?

I wouldn’t expect my MIL to think about throwing me a baby shower to be honest. I’d of been stunned! I thought it was more friends/sisters that organised this?

How old are your children? Baby showers have suddenly morphed into posh frocks and fancy food in expensive venues compared to the sandwiches and games we had in my sisters living room (absolutely perfect!) Perhaps she didn’t realise the significance of one?

Im sorry you didn’t get one. Why didn’t you organise one?

Why didn't YOUR mum throw you a baby shower?

It's all American nonsense anyway

Is your MIL throwing a baby shower for her daughter (your SIL) ?

@Pancakeflipper OP clarifies this in literally the first sentence.

Why didn’t your friends or family throw you a baby shower if you wanted one? I wouldn’t expect my MiL to throw me one. Of course how she treats her daughter will be different.

If your Mum is around, maybe she thought that was your mother's job?

I needed to check as I was thinking "surely its obvious why MIL throws a get together for her daughter - she must talking about MIL other son's (if there is one) partner.

I think most people would consider it overstepping if their MIL threw them a baby shower.
It’s horrible that she was so critical and unsupportive throughout your pregnancies though and I can completely understand why it hurts to see her make a complete u turn when it’s someone else in the same shoes.

I get that actually, sorry.

It's astonishing really. It sounds like the OP has a propensity to feeling hard done by.

Baby shower is the sort of thing your own family (mum/sister/best friends) would do for you. That’s why she did it for her own daughter. Now, if my dil didn’t have her mum around or her family was crap and she didn’t have any friends then I would probably organise one for her but only in those circumstances, otherwise I’d feel like I was massively overstepping.

The rest of it she sounds really unsupportive, so I don’t think I’d want her throwing me parties anyway as I’d want to be around her as little as possible

If you’re gutted not to have had one…why didn’t you just organise one? I’ll admit that I’m not very ‘up’ on baby showers because I couldn’t think of anything worse but if I’d wanted it, I’d just have had one.

It’s not typically a MIL thing to organise though, it’s usually friends that do it

They are naff and boring anyway tbh. I prefer to give gifts when the baby arrives.

Why would she throw one for you?
Why didn’t your mum do it?

YABU. It's her daughter so quite different!