Mother in law didn’t throw me a baby shower, but is doing it for my sister in law.

[curlyhairedlady]

I completely understand that she’s closer to her daughter as she’s her mother.. however when I’ve been pregnant in the past, mother in law never offered to plan a baby shower for me. Now my sister in law is pregnant, she’s holding a baby shower for her.
When I’ve been pregnant in the past, MIL has always been competitive with me. Shame on me for bottle feeding.. she had natural births because she’s got a high pain tolerance ( I had C Sections). Now that SIL is scheduled for have a C Section she’s completely understanding of her choice. its not an easy family to be a part of but i do it for my partner.
She knows Im gutted I didn’t have a baby shower, and now she’s bombarding me with texts saying I need to be available on a certain date to attend the baby shower. I told her I can’t be there as I have something booked with the kids, and that my SIL and the baba are very lucky to have one. And she keeps bombarding me with more texts saying “you should come” etc, knowing I would have loved one.
I feel like she’s going to drive me to insanity. Nothing I say goes, ever. Am I being unreasonable feeling like this?
there is a lot more she has done to upset me in the past, but I’ve been trying to put it aside.

YABU

It also sounds a bit like you’re not going because you’re annoyed, and I think you should make sure you go and let go of the bitterness

Baby showers are awful tacky things. Be glad you have never been involved in one.

My mum held a baby shower for my SIL but not me. TBF they weren't a thing here when I was pregnant, and the one she did SIL was very low key. I also hate them so wouldn't have wanted one anyway.

On The MIL making snide comments though, mine was exactly the same. Everything I did was wrong. She assumed I'd bottle feed which was wrong. I didn't, I breastfed, which was also apparently wrong. The pram I had for DC2 was wrong because it wasn't the one her DD had. When I didnt wean DC at 4 months apparently I was cruel and neglectful. I explained current guidelines were 6 months. Ended up weaning at 5.5 months, so 2 weeks ish early. That was wrong and I would cause all kinds of issues.

Im so glad she's not my MIL anymore!

Well, you obviously don’t like her so I don’t know why you are so concerned . If you really wanted a baby shower you could’ve organised one yourself . She has invited you to your sister-in-law‘s one but because you have the strop you are making up an excuse and taking the kids off for the day. A bit childish because no doubt all you will be thinking of is the baby shower . Not sure what you expect from her .

Why didn’t anyone amongst your family and friends organise one for you.

And no, you don’t have to go to the baby shower but don’t be surprised if people say, she’s trying to make a point about not having a baby shower so just let her get on with it.

MIL probably thought your mum would do it for you also you're invited and refusing to go because your jealous 😭 honestly go have fun

She isn’t your parent, there was nothing stopping your mum or dad organising your baby shower.

This is ridiculous, it’s not the MiL’s job to arrange a baby shower for her DiL, I didn’t, my DiL arranged her own with her close relatives and hosted it. I would imagine when my daughter has a baby, any baby shower will be arranged by herself or her closest friends as she has a diverse range of friends from different parts of her life, and she will host it with me helping.

That would be weird. She’s not your mum. If you want a baby shower just have one.

Clearly OPs mum is not in the picture. My own mum died years ago and I have no close female relatives. My MIL did stuff like this with my SIL. Not only the baby shower but she bought her loads of stuff for herself and baby but nothing when I was pregnant. We're very low contact now.

YABU. Your mum/ friends should have thrown you one.

Yabu. It wasn’t for your MIL to throw you a shower.

Are you really busy with the kids that day, or sulking?

This !!!

Agree to the first half, not second half, I’m African and baby showers have been a thing for eons, many different cultures have baby showers and it’s not exclusive to Americans x

Not exclusive to Americans

It’s not her job to throw you one she’s not your mother.

I'd suggest that if you want/ed a baby shower , your mother/sister/best friend organises it for you

@curlyhairedlady Why do you think your MIL should have thrown you this party instead of the following:
Your mum
Your sister
Your best friend
A friend
A cousin
A work friend
Your DH
Your brother
Yourself

All the above i would put ahead of your MIL to organise a baby shower for you

Wondering if this is a reverse. 🤔
Genuinely can’t understand why any DIL would expect her MIL to throw her a baby shower 🤷🏼‍♀️ or be miffed that her MIL organised one for her own daughter.
More context needed.

You can't compare how MIL treats you with how she treats her own daughter. If you wanted a baby shower you should have been proactive about it and organised it yourself.

Since when does a MIL arrange a DIL baby shower?

YABVU

As others have said, IME it is usually friends who throw a baby shower. Why didn’t your friends throw you one?

I would encourage you to stop the jealousy and just be happy for other people. I had a virtual baby shower during lockdown. Doesn’t stop me being happy for other friends who have real ones.

I think it's a bit mean you aren't going, it's not your SIL fault your MIL wasn't nice while you were pregnant and had a newborn.

I do agree with others here that its not the done thing for a MIL to throw you a baby shower.

there is a lot more she has done to upset me in the past, but I’ve been trying to put it aside
So why would you want her to organise a baby shower for you?

Someone who has repeatedly upset me would be kept at absolute arms length.

Though honestly OP, grow up a bit. A baby shower is an American tradition - seen as daft and tasteless by everyone I know. - and not something a mother in law organises.

My mum organised a baby shower for me, she didn’t organise anything for my SIL. My MIL organised one for my SIL and not me. I didn’t really consider feeling left out as I wouldn’t have expected her to organise it for me.

Your MIL will always treat her daughter differently than you. She may not be doing it out of nastiness, it’s just she’s going to be naturally closer to her own child. When I was pregnant with both my children, my mil always spoke about her natural births and breast feeding, I didn’t see it as a competition, I seen it more as her trying to relate by sharing what motherhood was like for her.

Is your own mum around? If so then did she not arrange a baby shower for you?