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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law didn’t throw me a baby shower, but is doing it for my sister in law.

204 replies

curlyhairedlady · 06/05/2026 22:22

I completely understand that she’s closer to her daughter as she’s her mother.. however when I’ve been pregnant in the past, mother in law never offered to plan a baby shower for me. Now my sister in law is pregnant, she’s holding a baby shower for her.
When I’ve been pregnant in the past, MIL has always been competitive with me. Shame on me for bottle feeding.. she had natural births because she’s got a high pain tolerance ( I had C Sections). Now that SIL is scheduled for have a C Section she’s completely understanding of her choice. its not an easy family to be a part of but i do it for my partner.
She knows Im gutted I didn’t have a baby shower, and now she’s bombarding me with texts saying I need to be available on a certain date to attend the baby shower. I told her I can’t be there as I have something booked with the kids, and that my SIL and the baba are very lucky to have one. And she keeps bombarding me with more texts saying “you should come” etc, knowing I would have loved one.
I feel like she’s going to drive me to insanity. Nothing I say goes, ever. Am I being unreasonable feeling like this?
there is a lot more she has done to upset me in the past, but I’ve been trying to put it aside.

OP posts:
ERthree · 07/05/2026 07:33

Time to grow up.

Bilbobagginsbollox · 07/05/2026 07:33

Why didn’t your mum/sister/cousin/friend throw you a baby shower? She may be difficult in general but it really wasn’t up to her to do this.

DrasticAction · 07/05/2026 07:38

As pp have said where is your mum ? If your mil knows that for some reason your own mum wouldn't or couldn't do one then yes it's a little cold not to suggest one.
Re being bombarded
...just ignore now

StopFeckingSnoring · 07/05/2026 07:40

I don’t think a MIL would ever really organise a baby shower. Being disappointed you didn’t have one is a pretty petty and selfish reason not to go to your SIL’s.

Safarisagoody · 07/05/2026 07:43

I’m sorry op, you need to explain more, how come you couldn’t have a baby shower unless your mil organised it? Surely you can do it yourself, or a friend or a member of your own family could? Why is it your mil responsibility?

and are you purposefully not going and making alternate arrangements out of spite?

AmusedMember · 07/05/2026 07:54

Yes she should throw her daughter a baby shower if she chooses, no she doesn't need to throw you one as you are not her daughter!

Utterly bizarre post.

HappyToSmile · 07/05/2026 08:04

You are being totally unreasonable!!
It's usually down to the mum to be's side to organise a shower - your family, your friends, your husband or....if it were so important, yourself.
And if you don't get on, Why would you Want her to have organised one for you?
As for all her "please come' messages, youve told her you can't, so just ignore any further ones!

atamlin · 07/05/2026 08:09

Unpopular opinion: baby showers are grabby.

You’re not your MILs daughter. She probably thought that would be something your mum would do.

Terfedout · 07/05/2026 08:16

Very unreasonable yes. Why is it her job to sort your baby shower out? Do you have no friends, no family who could have done it???

NoisyHiker · 07/05/2026 08:20

I went to one recently, the first one held in the entire extended family.

And hopefully the last.

It was excruciating. Fun 'quizzes' and guessing things like the future baby's weight, job and eye colour, how well you knew the mother to be, what kind of parents they would be, who would be the strict one etc. Most people kept checking the time and willing the hours to be over.

I'm not a grump, and love to visit new babies after they are settled and ready for visitors, but having experienced a baby shower they seem a bit trashy and selfish. Essentially full of things that I'm sure are absolutely fascinating to the new parents, but not so much to anyone else.

Or perhaps we were all mad because there was no food, and in our family a party usually means getting fed and relaxing/chatting.

CrispySquid · 07/05/2026 08:21

It's quite unusual for a MIL to take the lead on/organise a baby shower for their DIL. Normally it is the sister/best friend/own mother of the expecting Mother who organises the shower, often even the expecting Mother themselves! I can't think of a single baby shower I have attended where the MIL has been involved in throwing it. It's understandable she's doing it for her own daughter as it's a different relationship and quite a normal thing to do.

I assume your own flesh and blood mother is not throwing your SIL an upcoming baby shower so why would your MIL be expected to have thrown yours when you had it?!

Berlinlover · 07/05/2026 08:21

OP hasn’t come back.

2Rebecca · 07/05/2026 08:25

I find it odd you expected one from her not your own family members or friends although I don’t like them so wouldn’t want one anyway

Butchyrestingface · 07/05/2026 08:27

Why didn't you organiser your baby shower if no-one else was up for it?

Unless your own mother is dead, estranged or incapacitated, I think a lot of MiLs would be fearful of stepping on their daughter-in-law's mother's toes by taking on the organisation of the event.

Safarisagoody · 07/05/2026 08:27

Berlinlover · 07/05/2026 08:21

OP hasn’t come back.

Suspect this is one of those threads where the op just wanted validation they weren’t being unreasonable and has just realised they really are.

Looneytune253 · 07/05/2026 08:29

It’s usually the close friends and relatives of the mum that organise that so that would be down to your own mum/sisters/friends etc. If you don’t have any family though it’s a bit mean of MIL to not think of you.

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/05/2026 08:31

Don’t engage with her nonsense. Shes his mother not yours, thank god. Dont go to the baby shower (ridiculous things anyway), she’s entitled to throw one for her own daughter if she wants to, you don’t have to attend. If you really wanted one yourself, a friend or relative, or even you, could have organised one.

HoppingPavlova · 07/05/2026 08:33

On no planet does a MIL throw a DIL a baby shower. Doesn’t matter if they love them or hate them, it’s just not done. How do you not know this?

StephensLass1977 · 07/05/2026 08:34

You sound spoilt and entitled. Why is it her job to set this up for you? Time to get some perspective. So yes you do sound unreasonable, to answer your question. Unbelievably so.

Starburst360 · 07/05/2026 08:38

Just like daughters tend to have closer relationships with their own mums vs mother in laws the same could be said for mother in laws with their own daughters vs daughter in laws. Goes both ways

Zanatdy · 07/05/2026 08:39

I can just imagine the post now if a MIL tried to throw her DIL a baby shower, no doubt they’d be wrong for doing that. It’s not for a MIL in general to throw a baby shower, whereas it is fine for her own mother too. YABU.

Katiesaidthat · 07/05/2026 08:39

My dear, tell yourself babyshowers (whatever that is) are bollocks anyway and do something else. With these kind of people, nod, smile make appropriate noises when necessary and do what you bloody well want. Works for me.

Safarisagoody · 07/05/2026 08:46

StephensLass1977 · 07/05/2026 08:34

You sound spoilt and entitled. Why is it her job to set this up for you? Time to get some perspective. So yes you do sound unreasonable, to answer your question. Unbelievably so.

I think there is more to it. It’s v odd the op thinks it’s her mil job. But it indicates she doesn’t have a family of her own, or a relationship with them, and she doesn’t have any friends, maybe she didn’t organise her own one as she didn’t have any one to invite.

no one thinks it’s the mil job to do this, and to behave spitefully because the mil is organising it for her daughter, is also odd behaviour. I suspect grounded in spite and jealousy.

so I suspect there is a back story here, but the op isn’t going to come back and explain. She should go to the sil baby shower though, it’s unpleasant behaviour not to,

LoyalMember · 07/05/2026 08:48

Families are difficult, particularly inlaws, and it's like negotiating a minefield. My late MIL was a great, kind, kindhearted , generous woman, but she started going for me in the latter years of her life (before she was ill, so it wasn't connected to that), and I don't know why. Obviously, I'll never know now, but it's hurtful and disconcerting because I hadn't done anything except perhaps have different views on various things in general. I felt I became a bit of a whipping boy and was targeted. I just had to be strong and tried to ignore it. The problem's not there now, obviously.

Caddycat · 07/05/2026 08:49

Well I will go against the trend, but I get you OP.
People offer to throw baby showers because they are excited about the new baby coming. So it's understandable to feel this way because clearly it shows she's more excited about this new baby than your DC.
Also, I think so many people here are so rude saying why didn't your mum/sister/friend/DH (!!!) didn't do it for you. It's still unusual in the UK, so most people wouldn't think of organising one. The point here is MIL thought of it, because she did it for her DD and didn't do it for OP. She clearly doesn't like OP and clearly there is a good chance OP's poor DC will be treated differently from this other GC.