In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

This.

@saminamama. He needs to claim for Job Seekers Allowance, It is not means tested - your savings won't count against you. It's £95 per week.

He'll be expected to demonstrate that he's applying for jobs and will be assigned a coach to support him.
The coach will nag him and demand evidence of actions, rather than you so it may help on two fronts.
Wishing you luck.

A lot of people have no idea how hiring works…
Similar to sad-face daily mail posters “i apply for 200 jobs a day and don’t get anything “. yes, that’s the problem. one decent, thought through application is worth more than 500 mass produced ones that won’t make it through the first screening.
Taking time to think while keeping hands busy (baking, swimming, …) is not s bad idea. Sitting in front of a computer doesn’t equal good work. Mass produced letters do more damage than good.
Job searching experience from more than 12 months ago is useless. things have changed drastically.
Nobody likes to hire people who are over qualified . They won’t stay, not worth training them up, there are hundreds with the right qualification level.

People are going on about this settlement agreement. Statutory redundancy for someone his age with 4 years service is 4 weeks pay and the weekly pay is capped at £751. The settlement agreement part likely relates to the fact that his redundancy payment is enhanced over and above statutory, it is not an indication that this wasn’t a redundancy situation.

Others saying he should be applying for NMW jobs. They don’t have a NMW lifestyle, so he needs an equivalent job to the one he’s lost in order to maintain the same standard of living and outgoings. He can’t apply for suitable roles whilst working full time in a NMW job which is likely to be inflexible as well as low paid. It’s not a question of it being beneath him. The OP has expectations of her own.

They have to be realistic about budgeting and their savings will take a hit, but they have enough money to last many months and it’s unreasonable to be carrying on like this after a month. He’s in sales, he will get a job, but give him a minute. In the meantime he should apply for JSA which is not means tested and be pulling his weight at home whilst he’s not working.

a mum is allowed to care about her ‘meal ticket’ when it’s what pays for the roof over their heads and feeds their young children.

I don't think he is taking remotely "ages" to find a role - not in this day and age and all the moaning about that seems like out-of-touch exaggeration. I appreciate you're worried about the long-term though if he doesn't pick up work soon.

However (!) he should be doing the lion's share of the housework and drop offs and pick ups at the moment. I wouldn't let that slide one more day. He can do his job applications around these commitments. It might be that having to do more of the drudge work at home concentrates his mind a bit more into finding a new job - at the moment it sounds like you're doing more or less everything.

It took my partner about 6 weeks after he lost his job to start work at another company. The job wasn’t advertised - it was a referral from a friend and they made an introduction to another company.

During that time he considered moving cities and only coming home on weekends.

I spoke with friends and one person told me her husband quit his job due to stress and didn’t work for an entire year. I asked how they coped and she said she didn’t remember a lot of that year. I don’t think he was actively looking for work for that time.

Your husband needs to find some sort of work if he won’t do anything around the house. Even if it’s doing doordash or uber or even stocking shelves. He can’t just stay at home.

It sounds like your husband isn’t interested in finding work. Why is he buying stuff on Facebook? Why is he going to London? If it’s networking then I could understand it - but it’s not.

A week? What on earth do you do?!

They weren’t offering to move him. It is the job that is being relocated to someone in Asia (this is likely to cheaper for the company)

The job market is not great at the moment so it might take time for him to find a similar job.

However if your husband can drive and has no medical issues he could easily find work as a delivery driver or cab driver in the meantime.

And he also needs to pull his weight at home.

I would have a serious conversation with him and tell him that the current situation can't carry on.

Ah, I thought a relocation was in the offering.

Substantial research on the company (read website/ financial statement/ news articles about them/ press releases/ other publications /wikipedia page or other sources/ info from competitors. Look at linked in profiles of the interviewers.
try and predict questions they might ask and think about potential answers.
sort out what wear and how to get there /other logistics
think about questions you want to ask them.
google research on the companies normal interviewing style /process. If through a recruiter have decisions with the recruiter on what to prepare.

How is he / you planning to cover childcare and pick ups if he can't possibly look after the dc whilst job hunting?

Not by using savings, surely? He will have to get himself organised. He doesn't need to be endlessly scrolling with a little rest to bake bread, go for a swim.

Also, it doesn't take 2 weeks to do your cv if you have nothing else to do The moment he knew it was going to be over, he should have polished it.

Recruiters and job sites/ networking sites are 24/7 now and remote too. No need to waste time and money going to London unless it's a second interview or something. He could job search evenings and take calls during the day, between 2-4 or something.

I have sympathy. But he needs to use his time better.

Even stocking shelves is very hard to come by. Those days are gone.

I know it’s not reassuring to hear but it’s a really tough job market right now. My DH is changing tech roles and it took him months to find one this time, normally he has headhunters contacting him and can choose between offers.

He needs to pull his weight in the meantime though. We’d all like to set our day up with swimming and do one task like job hunting without any distractions! The reality is he could be out of work for a while so you need to find a fair division of tasks whilst he does and he’ll need to compromise.

Good luck, I hope he’s back in work soon.

My so. Has applied for some summer work student. So far no responses The closing dates are still a week away. I do think it’s hard out there.

how about approaching the bank now for a emergency change to mortgage. You could
go interest only for a year or similar. Also cut out all spending that isn’t essential.

it’s shit but I suspect many of us will
be in this position soon with ai.

Oryou could just use part of the savings to pay the debt, and have no debt, and still have a buffer of £15k savings?!

You don't need to have debt. Its fine to just have a mortgage & no other debt.

He can apply for contribution based jobseekers allowance - its not means tested so savings don't matter

Da f**?

thanks Farage and Boris for Brexit which may I remind you everyone was told will make us poorer, and thanks Trump for Iran war. Oh and how we can forget Tory mismanagement and Liz Truss shenanigans

OP it sounds like he doesn't have a great attitude to home life - you're a team and he should act like it. As others have said it's a rough job market out there so you need to prepare for this to last a while.

Have a proper chat about him taking some responsibility for the children and home. If he wants to bake bread, he can put the little one in the highchair and set the older one drawing at the table and bake it while watching them. He doesn't get to check out of kids' breakfast because he fancies a swim, cant afford it anyway!

Have a good look at the budget, cut out everything you can to make your savings and settlement stretch longer. Can he do some consulting work on a freelance basis while looking for a new role?

Good luck, it sounds like he needs a bit of a wake up call wrt home life and responsibility

I think there's some unreasonableness on both sides here.

I think you're expectations are unreasonable by expecting him to have several interviews lined up already and to have a role only a month or so since he left his last job. The job market isn't great right now (I know as I'm looking also) and these things can take months. I appreciate that's scary give the finances but I think you need to manage your expectations more and really look into how you can cope financially beyond the time your savings will last.

From his perspective, I agree that it shouldn't take 2 weeks to get a CV sorted, and I'm not sure why calls with recruiters are lasting an hour, mine are 30 mins max. Additionally, he should absolutely be stepping up more in terms of the household and children. Baking bread and going to the gym/swimming should be things you do once the chores are done, kids are sorted and the job applications/calls for that day are done. You need to have firm conversations about this, especially him picking up the childcare and household stuff much more. Good luck, hope it works out.

If you expected him to land a job after a month then YABU. Totally unrealistic expectation.

Especially for one that is niche. And especially one where you suspect his boss wanted him out. In his world, word travels. But he will have contacts to use.

I am not sure how you expect him to behave? You keep saying he is too slow. And worried he was slow at work. That isn’t very nice OP. Have some pride in your husband and have his back. Don’t stab it.

He needs your support. He will be under an enormous amount of pressure. He will likely guess and know what you are thinking about him too. Time for you to have strength.

You cannot job search 24 hours a day. It is not humanly possible. So don’t expect him to.

He should apply for benefits. Your income obviously has changed and so your lifestyle will need to adjust.

You are frightened because you have this image, lifestyle. Where perhaps you have bitten off more than you can chew. Don’t avoid your friends. If they or their other halves are friends they might know people with work opportunities. Don’t be ashamed of him.

And sit down and properly talk. About your options. About your income. As a couple. This is a joint venture now he has no income. You may have to move. You may have to have a different income. Who knows ? But face it together.

Hopefully he will find work and all will be well. But have his back OP. He won’t forget it if you don’t.

He needs to apply for "contributions based job seekers allowance"
This also pays his National Insurance contributions towards his state pension & other benefits.

https://www.gov.uk/jobseekers-allowance

What a nasty, passive aggressive post.

Are you a man by any chance?