In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

OP you have to tell them he's been made redundant. It's fraud not to.

I know you're panicking and this makes everything feel so much worse, but you need to be upfront. And since he is unlikely to get a job, even if he had interviews lined up, that hire him today, talking to your current provider about going interest only ASAP is more likely to keep your finances afloat, even if that interest is going by 200 a month.

I do see why you wonder how much effort he's putting in. The ducking out of housework and childcare to go swimming and have chats with recruiters really does reek of someone coasting. I think putting the domestic stuff totally on him while you go back to work full time is far more likely to push him into a more full on job hunt. Is also the most secure route financially. I would say drop the nursery, but I know spaces can be like gold dust in some areas and getting one once he does get a job may be hard so you may need to keep that expense.

Cut back on everything else to make you money last and get him claiming JSA (which I assume he's entitled to if he's been working a while, or has that changed recently?).

Why would you ever carry a credit card debt when you have “just as much in savings” and can pay it off?

The job market is dire at the moment (thanks Rachel from accounts) because many companies have had to cut their workforce/halt recruitment to pay the irresponsible hike in empoyer NI and min wage. There are hundreds of applications for even lower waged jobs in supermarkets and warehouses. Many jobs now are reached through personal contacts so DH chats with ex coleagues and people he knows may come to something yet. Lets hope so.

To echo what others have said on this thread. Depending on how senior he was, can be a long process. My DH was made redundant a while back. Took 15 months to secure another role, and he ended up having to accept a 50% reduction in salary. It’s not an easy job market out there atm and recruitment is a very very slow process.

I get that you're worried about money, but you're being downright horrible and unsupportive.

It sounds like his role was made redundant with little notice, and after having gone through the process of agreeing his compromise agreement, you haven't allowed the poor bloke any time to process what has happened, and have started making up reasons why it's his fault his employer restructured, and you've labelled his redundancy as a sacking.

He earns more than you in a niche sector, so to get a job with a similar salary, yes, he is going to have to have lots of meetings and chats, and he can't do that with children hanging off him. A decent senior CV takes time to write, and sending off a badly written one quickly is more harmful than waiting a few more days to polish one up.

You have savings, and that's what they're for. To tide you all over until he finds another job. It's unlikely to be tomorrow - more like a few months, minimum.

Be worried together. Work out how long he can look for the same work before dropping expectations and looking for a lower paid job together. Don't attack him out of fear. To get through this, you have to be on his team, not blame him for things that aren't his fault.

Wishing your family all the best.

You’ve misunderstood OP, they wanted someone in Asia doing the job, it doesn’t sound like relocating was an option! This is happening with so many companies, it’s far cheaper to employ Asians to do the job, salaries are lower! This is nothing to do with constructive dismissal however it seems like due process wasn’t followed, employers are supposed to pay for legal advice for someone being made redundant to go through the settlement and ensure it’s legal and fair.

You really are out of touch there are around 700,000 vacancies and 1.78 million unemployed in the UK currently, so far more people looking for work than vacancies! If you’re in a high paying role an employer paying the minimum wage won’t be interested as they know you won’t stay! It’s an employed market currently!

My husband lost his job two years ago, he has never got back to the same earning level. He’s an incredibly hard worker who puts days into job applications, he has two doctorates and is the sort of person that people instantly warm to, he’s credible in every way, positive in attitude and incredibly engaging. There are no jobs.

it shows how bad the market actually is, and at a much lower level, I haven’t worked in 10 years and have a face like a smacked arse half the time but I’m nicely confident - nothing for me either. I’m a journalist and AI has fucked it up for me.

More and more companies are using staff in Asia it’s far cheaper to employ them than someone in the uk! This is exactly why call centres are relocating!

You don’t sound very supportive unfortunately, you say you have a lot of credit card debt, you need to speak to them and work out a payment plan, some may even freeze the interest for a few months. Doing nothing will impact your credit file far more than negotiating with them!

My DH had the same situation earlier this year. He was being bullied at work and would definitely have met the criteria for constructive dismissal but his employer offered a settlement agreement and, as he was by then suffering from severe depression, he took it. Despite his illness, he applied for all sorts of jobs, some paying much less but he just wanted money coming in to keep us afloat. Some of the jobs were not ideal but he genuinely would have done anything. Those first few interviews were a learning experience but, within 4 weeks, he had found a suitable role that pays a bit less than his previous job but he enjoys so much more.

I was so worried about his health that I just went along with how he wanted to do things but it does sound like that’s not the case in your situation as your dh doesn’t seem to be unwell, just treating himself to a leisurely search with no sense of urgency?
I think you need an honest talk together for you to explain your concerns and him to explain why he needs so much ‘relaxing’ time while affording you none. You should be working as a team - swimming can happen when he has helped start the day for his family!

Were you full time before? If so you need to go back full time, then he will need to step up. You need to wake up and be the bread winner even if it’s in the short term. I’m sorry to say you don’t sound very supportive at all. The job market is tough at the moment and the reality is it could take him a long time to find another job if any description let alone one that pays anywhere near his current salary. It maybe he needs to re evaluate things and change direction and maybe train to di something else!

I thought OP wasnt supportive until reading she does everything around kids as he goes swimming to start a day well and then he fucks around most of the day and cant do more childcare because 'he is applying for jobs', so she cant herself take more days at work to get more money in.

All the people doubting the pay off: his salary was with comissions. Comissions are not taken into account for any sort of pay off. Base salaries in sales roles with comissions tend to be low, so the payout is low.
Most employers don’t move sales studf abroad, way too expensive.
Most employers cut traveling roles to the bone, as they are expensive.
Applying for national minimum wage jobs is a waste of time in the moment. It will serouly reduce his chances of getting anything else.
Men have emotions and are allowed to feel shock and grief as well. He needs some time to recover to have a reasonable chance at the next interview!
Going back full time after maternity leave isn’t an injustice, it is perfectly normal.
Yes, he needs to do more childcare and home stuff, but give him some time to recover!

I took voluntary redundancy last year, left in August, applied for about 2 jobs a day which didn’t take much time in the grand scheme and could be done around childcare. Applied to agencies also - got a temp job in September so was out of work for a month - worked hard at it and now in a perm job for the same company. 4 weeks out of work. All these people saying it always takes months aren’t necessarily right if you aren’t choosy. My husband has just been told he is at risk of redundancy this July and as we have a mortgage and a family he’ll be applying for everything he can even if it’s not the same salary. Any job is better than no job and we can’t afford to be picky. I have his indeed login and last time just applied for things all the time on his behalf - use AI to help with cover letters but ensure it’s all factual. It can be soul destroying and demoralising though so maybe just ask if he wants some help?

"No, you are not going swimming! You need to accept some of the load of the day!"

Get through to him by force even if it causes a massive row. Why are you walking on eggshells around him?

This. The OP has 8 month old baby, is doing all the mental load and childcare and is going back to work to provide as best she can.
Her husband is starting the day with an expensive, leisurely swim and baking bread.
I don’t feel that sorry for him.

It doesn’t sound like this guy was on minimum wage. The NI hike in a company that employed less than five people in this country’s hardly been impacted.
This is a knock on effect from Brexit from the pandemic. It’s the perfect storm.
Whoever was in power at this time in history was going to be in trouble, which is why the Tori’s actively made sure that it wasn’t gonna be them
What short memories people have?

Well he might have said yes to the move so not sure there’s any point dwelling on that.

If you know the sort of roles he can apply for would it be worth looking some up yourself on Indeed etc and passing them on to him. That way you’ll at least get an idea how pro-active he’s being in pursuing jobs.

Sounds like he needs a bullet up his backside, lay it all out for him in black and white and make sure he knows the position your in.He needs to get his head out of the sand and be proactive, he shouldn't be relying on you to carry all the worry and sort it all out.

OP ignore this, it's terrible advice in a situation like this.@PineConeOrDogPoo your way off the mark here.

If they pay off the debt and he still doesn't have a job at the end of the left over savings they cannot use their credit cards to pay to pay the mortgage but they would of been able to use there savings to pay it. Instead they can pay the minimum payment on the credit cards and use all the saving to prioritise the mortgage.

You seem quite dismissive of his efforts. Networking is not something I particularly enjoy, but it’s recommended for all job seekers particularly for higher end jobs. Also being suspicious of why he was let go will doubtless be leaking through in your interactions with him.

Unfortunately the market is tight at the moment and really the more people he can speak to the better. They may not have a job right now, but if they have spoken to him and remember him positively, there’s a lot more chance they will think of him when one does come up. Applying for jobs mostly seems to work for non executive roles these days.

I was "managed out" in January 2025. I'm still looking ☹️ (my software license was taken away so I couldn't continue doing my job and then I was told there was no work to do. I wish I fought for redundancy. Hindsight is wonderful)

It's the worst job market I have ever seen!

Recruiters are all gushing at first and then they ghost you.

LinkedIn is full of fake roles to inflate the businesses "success" (e.g if they're advertising a Head of Technical then they "must" be doing well. Only that role is fake) -

the last two companies I worked for did this to gain funding from investors!

Also, ageism. I'm 40 and I've been told by a recruiter that I'm "getting on a bit..." 😳 they shouldn't say things like that but they do because they know we will jump through hoops for a job - any job!

I have been in a restructure for the last three months and as of last week I have been made redundant. The job market is awful at the moment, I'm still looking. I feel exasperated and tired from it all. I have had enough of everyone's advice or being asked questions about it.

I did have someone call me yesterday about a job he first let me know about in March, he's put me forward as the only applicant as my work experience would slot in to the role but its a FTC which I have never had that before. I really don't believe it will happen because that is currently how cynical I feel about the job market having been let down so many times.

Thankfully I have a payout the size of your savings with a small mortgage and I own my car outright.

What this has taught me is you can't rely on your salary anymore and I'm, currently setting up a small business to run at the weekends so I no longer have just one income.

He needs to get a driving job or something. Better than nothing. He can stil look alongside it. Amazon Flex maybe.

I would go through finances with him immediately. This might focus his mind. And then I would contact the mortgage company and see if you can make an arrangement to pay the interest only. If you do this now the money will stretch much further. I would cancel all unnecessary payments and I mean all - TV subscriptions, Spotify, kids clubs not needed for child care, anything not essential if you had no money for food. Look at your money and see if you can double the length it lasts.
Can he cover some childcare and save money or do you not need to pay for anything? What about half-term?
I would suggest he registers with an agency and discusses his CV with them, this will give him something to work on, feedback is helpful.
Get him to plan his time during the day and list what he's been doing, so that he's accountable.
Get his LinkedIn up to date, and he needs to start posting about his skills.
Best of luck, you need a plan.