In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

No I am not a man !

I simply read the post and felt she was being unrealistic. That she needed to be supportive. She was beginning to look down on her husband. And I felt that was not helpful.

No I am not a man. Never have been, never want to be one either !

Nor was the post nasty.

First things first @saminamama your h does need to approach getting a job like having a job. He needs to set himself hours he “works” (at getting a job) and stick to it.

you’re going back to work early.

you can’t afford childcare, he needs to cover it all.

He needs to work around the kids too, he needs to take on the role of childcare AND a portion of housework while he’s at home.

just as a WFH person would have to, stick a wash on, dry it, meal prep something, take in the online shop.

you need to put your foot down, this is all hands to the pump and he’s not pulling his weight here. Divide up the roles and make sure he’s doing it. If nothing else, the added workload he’s shirked for so long will be so annoying for him to do that it’ll really light a fire under his arse to get a full time role.

id be very angry indeed. You need to get firm

Been through this three times with DH, and it's so stressful. For you it's only been a month and things are really hard out there at the moment. It could easily take a year and you need to be realistic and prepare for that. Can you take a mortgage holiday for example, focus on practical things

The poor man cannot spend every waking minute doing job applications, it's utterly soul destroying, and he needs downtime so he can come to each new application fresh. There can also be a long gap between an application going in and hearing anything back. If you trust him, now is the time to show it.

You really need to take several steps back and give him the breathing space. Believe me, I know this takes monumental amounts of patience, and gritted teeth, but spending you time checking what he's doing every minute of the day is simply not going to help him get a job any faster, it won't make you feel any better and will damage your relationship.

I had to bite my tongue so many times and pretend not to notice the video game music coming from his computer many, many times, but we got there and all is well.

I think paying of at least some of the credit card debt so you can may well be ok if you then apply for UC. It won’t be a huge sum and clearing at least some consumer debt I think is fine. The sums you are talking about are not huge in the grand scheme. £11k for four years is a good sum of money but spending at least some of it to clear debt would be sensible and i think it unlikely you’d be penalised for that. It’s not like you’ve paid off the mortgage for a relative or anything significant like that to vastly reduce your cash asset.

My daughter saved up 2 months rent and bills for her house share in London and resigned from her job - toxic boss who would not allow her time off for a Dr appointment let alone a new job interview so she knew she would have to resign first and gave herself a two month buffer. For 7 weeks I have watched her “work” from Monday - Friday 9am-6pm do nothing but apply for jobs, talk to recruiters have zoom interviews, approach people on LinkedIn, have initial zoom interviews and many face to face interviews. She has one week left and she’s really had her eyes open to how hard it is and the effort that goes in to applying and following up. She had a 3rd interview last week and has a 3rd interview with another company next week, but by Friday she has no more money left. It’s brutal out there so I really feel for you.

I took voluntarily redundancy autumn last year. I got a job within a month BUT I was very very lucky to have done that. The job market is horrific atm so I’d be planning on at least year search worse case planning. I have yet to see another job that I could have even applied for like I said I’ve been very lucky.

I actually agree with your post . I actually think the Op is being unreasonable to expect her dh to get a job in such a short time frame .
I understand that she is concerned about the future but I don’t think she is coming across as understanding . She needs to give her husband some time

A different CV for each job? I have 3 CVs and have applied for 120 jobs. Should I have made 120 CVs?

Probably not a completely new cv for each job or needing to change it all. But it at least necessary to assess the cv and check that it is applicable to the relevant job.

I would however expect a new cover letter per job (could leverage some elements from previous ones) and that will take some time to write.

I do think you’re being a bit unreasonable. I always reckoned it took about 4 hours to do each application so if he’s doing lots it’s a full time job. Speaking to lots of recruitment people is part of that but then they need to go and match him with suitable companies so that is not going to give instant interviews. If he’s applying g for jobs which have been advertised then they probably will not interview for at least a week or so after the job advert closes. I understand why you’re worried but finding a new job does just take time - probably months rather than weeks.

This is a really stressful situation OP, I feel for you. Honestly I think you need to accept that at the moment you working only two days is a luxury you can no longer afford. As others have said the job market is bad and it may take 18 months for your husband to fund another role. If this was me, I'd be going back full time (or as full time as possible), reducing the kids' nursery hours drastically and my husband would be job hunting during those nursery hours, nap hours and every evening once kids in bed, and doing all the childcare outside of the nursery hours to save the household money while not earning. This is just the rational thing. You simply cannot afford to have you on mat leave or working a mere two days a week, two kids in nursery, and an unemployed husband at home baking bread.

Did you get legal advice on the amount of settlement?

You won't get UC with 25k savings. Potentially if you paid off the credit card debt you could apply - they won't pay your mortgage but you could get money for yourselves and the kids to give you some breathing space.

I've not RTFT but my DP was made redundant a few weeks ago and it has been a full time job for him looking for other work. What has really helped with the CV and job application process was using Chat GPT. Now before anyone rolls their eyes (believe me I did when he told me, at first) it has been incredibly helpful. He puts in his CV and then the description of the job he's interested in. He asks Chat GPT how well his CV matches that, and how he could improve his chances. It will also suggest potential questions an interviewer might ask. It's also flagged up job roles he might not have considered.

Obviously you read through any CV or application letter it writes for you, to make sure it's correct and doesn't sound like AI. He's now just waiting on the result of a third round interview. Honestly I was very surprised just how helpful it has been, for getting interviews in the first place, although clearly an actual interview you have to do the talking yourself. So worth looking into, I'd say.

I can sympathise as I've had a similar situation with my DH. The difference is that he has been contracting since being made redundant several years ago. So we do have money coming in, but he has no benefits like sick pay or a decent pension.
I understand what you mean about the pointless chats. A lot of recruiters want to speak to my DH but don't actually have any roles or none that are suitable, and it does feel like a waste of time. Especially when it means you're picking up the slack elsewhere.

F*ck me - I’ve been redundant in the past and I’m glad neither my partner nor my friends displayed your attitude. Redundancy - for that’s what it is if the job now needs to be done from Asia - is acknowledged to be one of life’s stressors. Interviews don’t magically grow on trees. He’s got his cv done and is networking (which, let’s face it, is where many jobs emerge from).

I could do the usual Mumsnet question to a poster facing financial difficulties - do more hours, ‘take in ironing’ (seriously?!) - but I suspect that’s now how things work

Yes the job market is bad but he really should have something by 18 months. He needs to look for anything to get money in. As I said above they could potentially claim UC if they pay off some credit card debt. Savings of under 16k would qualify them. They wouldn't get the mortgage paid but they would get a personal allowance. Money for both kids and UC pay a proportion of childcare as well

That's the first thing people should do when they are made redundant - find out what their entitlement to benefits is

He could potentially claim JSA contribution based -because it's non means tested. He just needs to have paid enough class 1 NI contributions in the previous 2-3 years to qualify. It's only just over 84 pounds a week but it's something.

It's been 1 month!! Unless you work in an industry where "knowing people" gets you straight into a job and you live somewhere within commuting distance of a big city (so multiple companies) the chances of having multiple interviews lined up that are a good fit for him and in the right location are slim, especially at the moment. The higher up you go the fewer jobs there are anyway. If he is doing a full job application, tailoring his CV it's like a full-time job applying. It isn't like those online applications where you upload 1 CV, say what you are looking for and hit send to apply for 100's of jobs, if he's applying for individual roles it's a lot of work.

Have you thought about applying for jobs yourself to up your own income? Maybe you'll see how tough the jobs market is!

The job market is poor at the moment. Your husband seems to be spending time chatting to people who 'may be able to help him find work', but actually don't ever offer anything tangible. I agree with someone else, in that your husband needs to tailor his CV to each specific role he's applying for. Could you afford to have a professional CV writer to look over his CV? Yes, it will cost money, but it may equally pay for itself if he secures a role.

You need a discussion with your husband about exactly what he's doing to find work. Chatting to contacts is one thing, but pointless chats that don't materialise into interviews aren't worth his time. Has he joined multiple job agencies? If his job is niche, how realistic is he being, in finding work within that field? What skills does he have that are transferable? The reality is, he may need to take any job, in order to bring money into the family.

No one is job searching all day, every day, that's not feasible! Therefore, he needs to take on some of the domestic chores to help you out. You can't afford to send your children to nursery at the moment, so he's going to need to look after your children, whilst you work. Or you're going to need to work full-time, whilst the children attend nursery 2-3 days per week, so your husband can job hunt. The other days, he will need to look after the children.

My mate has been unemployed for over 6 months, he still has no job and owes me 2 months rent (he asked for a loan) and i've still only recieved £250 back, that was in February.

It's a good job i'm patient but it is starting to get my goat, so I understand your frustration, it seems like he is doing nothing to get employment.

I've not read the full thread but @saminamama it's exam season coming up soon, can he apply to be an invigilator?

Do the recruiting agencies he's signed up with also offer temping work? Always worth signing up although someone up thread said they haven't been offered much.

@Lilmrsac I'm presuming as the OP has said the credit card debt is 0% that they are paying the recommended monthly amount and hopefully a bit more and is getting interest on what money she has in savings especially if in an ISA . So not paying interest on debt but getting interest on savings. That's how I have interpreted it.

This :

Key Principles from Money Saving Expert (Martin Lewis):

Prioritize High Interest: Debt interest (e.g., 20%+ APR) almost always outweighs interest earned on savings (e.g., 5%), making paying debt a better "return".

Keep an Emergency Fund: Do not wipe out your savings completely. Keep a small amount to cover emergencies, ensuring you don't have to borrow again on a credit card.

"Stoozing" (0% Cards): If your debt is on a 0% interest offer, keep your money in a high-interest savings account, pay the minimum card repayment, and pay off the full balance just before the 0% period ends.

Stop Borrowing: Before using savings, make sure you can stop using the card, or you will create a debt spiral.

It makes little sense to borrow from the credit card to be able to pay mortgage with savings. Far better to ask for a mortgage holiday or a loan in worst case. Not use credit cards unless 0%. Minimum payment will cause high interest to be charged on the entire balance.

If your mate is on UC he should have at least a proportion of his rent paid and he could have applied for an advance until his first UC payment came in

I agree with this. Plus it’s a v tough job market at the moment.

I have every sympathy for him but he needs to either find something temporary - delivery driver, uber, etc and/or stop messing around swimming and baking and take on the childcare. He can apply for jobs as well as these things, not instead of.