Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

If he is, he's a total weirdo because she's already ended it.

Think he’s had a lucky escape if your as entitled as your coming across.
dont worry bro, there’s nice women out there.

But there’s plenty of women with two kids and an absent (or present) father who feel they’ve made the wrong choice 20 years ago!

Or even if they don’t their kids may feel that way at being lumbered with a crap or absent father.

We never know how things will turn out and if we /our unborn children would’ve been happier had we chosen “the other option”

additionally, I’m sure there were other men your friend met after she turned down mr electrician. Most women have more than one option. So turning one person down needn’t be the end of someone’s dreams to be with someone compatible. Compatible does not equal perfect of course.

As I said the cooking wouldn’t have been a dealbreaker for me personally, but we are all different. IMO too many women settle for what they’re unhappy for leading to discontent later down the road. I really think that’s more of an issue in society than women demanding perfection.

We have no idea how your friend would’ve felt had she settled for Mr electrician. She doesn’t even know for sure. It’s easy for us to imagine an alternative future where we would’ve chosen a different path being better but really no-one knows and people often feel regret either way.

We’ll done you.

that is not a home cooked meal

👏

He sounds like he dodged a high maintenance bullet with you - and you were already “shopping around” so hey ho.

i value honesty, kindness, cleanliness, humour & personality over overcooked gyoza & a (cheap)spice kit. To be fair, I couldn’t cook super well for the longest time, so would have opted for fail safes too (and probably cocked something up). If I got dumped over it, I’d count my blessings to be well rid :D

I would take someone kind over someone who was a great cook any day. Clear this is just rage bait with someone else reporting everyone who says the wrong thing

Yep, I don’t get comments like that. It’s kind of insulting to ALL single people even if it’s targeted against someone who’s perceived to be behaving badly.

A former colleague/friend settled for a man with 3 kids from 2 different women who lived in another country from him ie. He wasn’t a present father. She was fond of making comments like that about single women.

Even before he cheated (and made another baby with a 4th woman) I could tell he was a wrong un and I felt like saying to her they’re single because their standards aren’t rock bottom

I honestly can't recall anyone who offered to cook for me a few dates in mainly because we were going out and doing other things. If they had I would have appreciated it and said thank you

I remember one time when I was about 18 and my then boyfriend cooked me rice chips and curry. Was totally fine but then he was lovely. If he had made me egg on toast I would have been happy with that too

Agree

Calling that home cooked is a bit of a stretch, most of it is pre made and required only adding heat and basic spice mixing.

On one hand, it wouldn't bother me in the long run, if i liked someone - who cooks from scratch every single time? - on the other hand, you're still dating and if someone said home cooked i would have expected some actual effort.

I would certainly feel a bit misled but someone's cooking ability is not the reason i am interested in them so i would just make it into our relationship "in joke" that they're just a shit cook.

YABU

If I invite someone home, I wud say, I'll make dinner. Now whether that dinner is making curry and rice from scratch or ravioli with ready made pasta sauce and a few added veggies and spices, shouldn't make much of a difference. As in both cases, I have spent time and money. As long as the food was tasty, I wouldn't expect my date to go on a full forensic investigation of the details of my cooking process and then look me down for it. That is the arrogance.

He made you dinner!!!! This is absolutely insane that you expect him to make a three course dinner from scratch and anything else is not your standard. That poor bloke

So following updates two things would concern me. If he had have just said he was a useless cook I would have been more forgiving as people can be bad cooks but still be brilliant in so many other ways. But they have to be able to acknowledge that their poor cooks. My DH was not a great cook when we met, but he acknowledged he was a bit hopeless and has gotten much better over time. The first meal he cooked for me was terrible and we still joke about it.

The fact he served zero veg would put me off. I don't understand what kind of functioning adult wouldn't have the common sense to serve vegetable with dinner. I briefly dated a guy who simply didn't eat vegetables and it was an instant no for me.

Either way it sounds like you aren't compatible anyway

I think perhaps he just didn’t know how to cook from scratch or it’s not something he does? Maybe in his mind that was making an effort? Although it’s hard to tell without knowing his cooking ability or habits!

That said, I do agree with some guys there can be an element of this once they get you through the door or think you’re hooked : Shortcuts and ready made simply equals = I got you here so now we can shag.

As I mentioned upthread I felt that exact sentiment from a guy, when I travelled a long way to stay with him and he gave me leftovers of a weird tasting lunch he’d cooked earlier that day and then he cooked another quick meal that weekend. 🤢 I was not best pleased as I know he can and does cook better and definitely didn’t sleep with him or see him again!

Tbh it sounds like the type of meal I would serve... my DH loves cooking and is a foodie, but he still gratefully eats my 'home cooked' jar curry and my speciality 'frozen apple strudel' with tinned custard... he once asked me what I put in his packet noodles lunch menu that made them so absolutely disgusting.. (it was chicken)..
He on the other hand has cooked me some amazing meals from scratch.
Some of us just aren't blessed with culinary skills.. if this is a deal breaker for you then thats your choice, but plenty of couples have one good cook and one terrible one and get along just fine.

What @Matronic6? Why do you give a shit what another adult eats?
I barely care why I eat let alone someone else!

Oh gosh this sounds like my normal fancy dinner for When inviting folk round. Shoot me now. Are they talking about me ?!

He's better off without you, so definitely end it. You 'deserve' so much more and might feedback ur disappointment at his lack of effort🤔 right. Ok. 😬😬

Treating sex as a reward, how strange.

No.

I don't care what another adult eats in general. But if I was going to be in a relationship with someone I want to share food and cook together and I want that food to include vegetables.

@Matronic6 yeh fair enough. I couldn’t care less and neither could my fella but I get that we are all different. We share sooo many interests that I wouldn’t like compromising on those. Which is hard cos they are geeky and niche and I love to do them with a romantic partner - so I’d be buggered if we ever broke up!

The food was not to OPs taste so she ended it.

Fine, end of, you do you, go with what's important.

What I haven't enjoyed is reading the ops internalised mysogyny and outright disrespect to the posters on this thread with the continuous insinuation that all the women putting up with their useless Dave who can't cook do so because he funds them. That just isn't the reality of the majority of women in the UK and it was unpleasant to read.

absolutely, I wouldn’t want to date a man/woman who doesn’t eat vegetables because in the long term it would be fiddly trying to cook for them. And if they cooked for me they likely wouldn’t include veg.

I think it’s unhealthy not to eat veg unless of course you have some kind of allergies which mean you can eat vegetables. And I’d prefer to be with someone with healthy habits.

But also some people don’t like it because if you have kids they wouldn’t want their partner setting a bad example by not eating their veg.