Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

It was home cooked!!! What on earth did you want???

I don’t think this is low effort, maybe he isn’t into cooking/ food as much as you are.

I’d just give it more time. My DH is a lazy packet mix cook but over the lifetime of our marriage he’s more than proved his worth in many far more important ways.

As long as he’s willing to cook and doesn’t just see it as women’s work, I think that’s at least a start. You could perhaps challenge him to raise the bar next time and see if it really is an entrenched lack of effort or just a by-product of lacking experience?

Do him a favour, let him go. He deserves better.

I’d bin him, you’ve told him you eat healthily I wouldn’t enjoy any of that either, doesn’t make me pretentious I just prefer not to eat upf if I can help it. Wouldn’t take a chef to have made something less processed and more nutritious.

Let him go, do him a favour and let him go. Like you said, nobody should settle for less than they deserve and he deserves someone better than you.

Gyozas are healthy. I get the frozen ones and then steam them at home. Cooking a curry from scratch is difficult if you don't have the spices and use them regularly. He still had to add the protein and veggies to it. Don't see what the problem with the brownie is- if you didn't want to eat it, you should have said no. You are definitely unreasonable. Do you always cook every single item from scratch and expect others to do the same? It's fine for you to have rules for yourself and if his way doesn't suit you, then maybe he is not for you. What has he done wrong that he needs to redeem himself? That's quite arrogant.

Agree with this. What we don’t know is whether it was low effort or low ability. I might be on the lookout for other things that together add up to a dealbreaker, or whether to buy him a gift of a cookery course 🤷‍♀️

I had an instance of 'food incompatibility' with someone that I ignored. I wish I hadn't.
He just wanted to eat crap and takeaways all the time. I like a takeaway as much as the next person, but not every night. I wanted to eat tasty healthy stuff.
Eating is something you do more than once, every single day. If you're not on the same page, it will drive you nuts eventually.

The first time my now husband made me dinner he served me instant mashed potatoes. I showed him how to make mashed potatoes and the incident was not repeated.

But I don't think what he served sounds nearly as bad as instant mash. It sounds like a nice meal, though he cut some corners.

You can dump him for whatever reason you like and probably should because if you're considering it over that you probably don't fancy him all that much anyway.

If you came for tea at my house this is probably what you’d get!! He probably doesn’t enjoy cooking or maybe this is just his idea of cooking. I think if you feel this is such low effort (I don’t for the record I think he’s made a lovely effort) then I think he deserves someone who appreciates him

I mean yeah, it's not filet mignon and homemade dauphinoise. If I really liked someone I would not be that bothered so perhaps you just don't... and that's ok

It might be a big effort for him if he’s a ready meal person, also he might be worried that his homemade effort wouldn’t be up to your exacting standards. If his only fault is lack of cooking ability you are being very harsh, with a long term relationship we bring different skills and experience, what are his good points. My dh can’t cook well but he tries a bit building up, mostly he only cooks when I work til 5 and sticks to easier meals like pie or chops, mash and veg, but makes bolagnaise from scratch and has recently perfected an excellent curry though he was following a recipe and called up the stairs multiple times for advice, whereas I just throw spices together without thinking too much, based on instinct.

You sound like you're trying to find a reason to finish with him and you can only come up with a ridiculous one.
Set him free.

You call it arrogant. I call it having standards. You don’t need to look far on these boards to get a feel of the standard of man many women are willing to accept. Ignore red flags at your peril IMO

And actually I’m not even sure I’d describe what he made as low ability . He might have had half an hour to get everything sorted 🤷‍♀️

OP, I think you're getting the terms "home cooked" and "cooked from scratch" mixed up. Next time be clearer that you expect him to cook everything from scratch in order to meet your standards.

For many people this is home cooking and they would be very pleased with it. It doesn't mean he can't be arsed. My husband's first home cooked meal was a plain roasted chicken breast and half an iceberg lettuce. He was so pleased with himself.

To some people that is a home cooked meal, you sound ungrateful.

He deserves better

I mean, you’d have a point if it was a £1 Iceland ready meal, but come on, what was wrong with that, really?

I’ve made dh similar meals to that for his birthday etc and he’s never complained, and he’s the one who is really into cooking.

So what if it was a curry kit? Would it really have been better if he’d measure out spices from pots and added tomatoes and cream himself? What’s the difference?

Do you have a food obsession OP?

It certainly sounds like it.

Either that or you're just not into him.

Good luck finding a fella. Your standards are impossibly high.

It's not a red flag @WeeksJa. A red flag means a sign that he is going to treat you badly in some way. This is just an incompatibility / different expectations.

What meal would have impressed you @WeeksJa ?