Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

From what the OP has stated, the only thing we have heard that he has said is that it’s “home cooked” which I suppose technically it was. Not exactly a dumpable offence IF you like the person, but it comes down to how much you care for them. It’s also the thought that counts.

Bloody hell! Have you been watching sex and the city where men are expected to treat you like a princess or they’re slung in the bin?!

Oh and it’s ’fry the spices’ not “fry off”

My boyfriend can't cook either. Survives on chips, cheese/beans on toast and various protein yoghurts, from what I can tell. But he's a fantastic fuck so I forgive him.

😂Absolutely disgusting behaviour. I'm willing to bet that he didn't even serve poppadoms with that curry. LTB.

OP you are getting so much grief and I think it is undeserved. Good food matters to you, and you are right to go and find someone who also cares what they eat. When I met my husband, he was the better cook, but the arrival of children got me focused on nutrition, and now we are a right pair of scratch-cooking foodies, with an entire cupboard dedicated to spices and dried herbs, and too many Ottolenghi cookbooks. Next step is growing my own veg and learning how to pickle and preserve things. Food is part of who we are, and cooking is something we enjoy doing together. You can have this too, if you find the right man, and I wish you luck in finding him.

You are not matched. He did cook a meal, planned, bought the ingredients and cooked.

my DP when he cooked for me made a red curry from a jar. I knew then he wasn’t a cook. He admitted he couldn’t cook. But he made my favourite cuisine and put effort it. It was the thought that counted.

You talk of high standards but to me high standards means the person isn’t toxic. Not being a great cook wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me if I liked him (you said you did). There was an opportunity there for you to go on an enjoyable cooking journey together. Of course you can leave for whatever reason you want, but it seems a strange (and not insurmountable) one to me.

I invited a bf for dinner at mine once. It was a disaster, the rice was over cooked, the fish was rubbery, it was embarrassing. Luckily he wasn’t a knob about it and we dated for a few years.

Ohhhh so now we’re getting to the real meaning behind this - you believe you’re too good for him ‘a catch above him’ who’s worth so much more than riffraff like him and so you demanded he shower you with fine foods to make him worthy of your attention! Yuck. What a disgusting and embarrassing attitude you have towards men.

Thank god he’s dodged that particularly arrogant bullet

You sound like hard work!

Yeah I wouldn't be impressed with that either OP. Why gyozas if you were having curry?

I cook from scratch all the time, and if a guys says he's going to cook for me, then I assume he means from scratch. (And when I've been invited to a guy's place for dinner, that's what happens!)

It's ok to have high standards btw. We're all adults, and if you're a foodie then having compatability in this area is important. Don't let the mumsnet bullies make you feel bad. If you're not feeling it with this guy, that's perfectly ok.

Princesszilla alert 😁

He deserves someone who doesn’t judge him solely by his cooking ability. Set him free.

What have you cooked for him so he could understand what your skills are? Did you tell him what you were cooking first or surprised him? Was he very impressed (maybe got intimidated by your cooking skills, I’m know I would be if I had to cook for someone very accomplished).

He didn't use his words, so many people don't.

What he meant was - he was going to cook for you which he did
otherwise he would have said I'm getting a Chinese takeaway in

You were served a 3 course meal the majority of which was cooked in his home

You wanted a 3 course meal cooked from scratch.

Also, i want to add this. Because nuance seems to go over many posters' heads here. A home-cooked dinner date, at the guy's house, often carries with it the implication that you might stay over and intimacy is on the table, so to speak.

Now, if it's still the early stages of dating, when you're both in the "trying to impress each other" stage, it's perfectly reasonable to expect effort given the context. When corners are cut - as with the food served at this guy's home, with little no real effort gone into making anything - and then you also factor in the fact that intimacy is potentially on the cards- to me it just comes across as him setting things up to maximise his chances of getting laid.

But if he really liked and cared for OP, why didn't he put more effort into the actual meal itself?

Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I know that lots of people can't cook, or just aren't very good at it. But if someone offers to cook for me, I would expect something homemade. Because that shows effort and a desire to impress me. Shortcuts and ready made simply equals = I got you here so now we can shag.

Poor chap 😢

I wonder whether he’s in a chat room somewhere wondering if he should dump this girl he’s been seeing because of her terrible grammar…? More of a deal breaker for me than low-effort cooking!

I think he’s had a lucky escape!

But if he really liked and cared for OP, why didn't he put more effort into the actual meal itself?

Maybe he sensed deep down that she didn't like him all that much – I bet she didn't contradict him when he joked he was punching above.

It wouldn’t bother me but if it bothers you it bothers you. If you need a foodie in your life this guy isn’t going to cut it. If he’s lovely, kind, loyal and empathetic - does this outweigh his food standards? I think you need to consider what your priorities are here. Only you can answer this.

I was thinking this, too. Also, it’s a reflection of something he considers nice to eat, which the OP doesn’t. They are not on the same page and I don’t blame her for dumping him.

I do enjoy a bonkers thread and I’ve had a shit day and you haven’t disappointed.

What a lovely post.

And I love jiggly puff cake.

I’m a rubbish cook. I really try but I’ve never gotten any better. My husband is a much better cook than me, I’m glad he didn’t judge me as not worth the bother because if it, as we’ve been happily together for over 20 years 😂

Not the point but I use a tin of curry paste, coconut milk (as well as the veg and meat) in my curry, is this not a home cooked meal? 😬 👀