Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

Sorry, I can’t see where I said I am happy to do all the cooking or am happy to eat junk food, or that anyone else should be? And remember the OP didn’t stop with his food choices, she went on to critique his choice of shop too, and then proceeded to go on the defensive by implying anyone who wouldn’t ditch the gig for his meal choice was a pick-me with embarrassingly low standards.

i actually think more people would have taken issue with the meal itself if the OP hadn’t come across as an insufferable snob with an ego the size of a planet

Wow you’re clearly not good enough for him. So judgemental! Maybe he isn’t a confident chef. Am sure he can find someone nicer!

Ah, you are a rage baiter, OP. Hopefully this thread has entertained you today.

I think the difference here is possibly the ages. Although the op hasn’t said how old she/he are. This is far more forgivable in a 20something, rather than a 40something.

You were in his home and he did cook. He didnt say he was making everything from scratch

Depending how good a cook he is, depends how much effort he put it. If you usually cook from scratch this is low effort. But if hes usually a frozen pizza guy this is high effort.

Also im curious how you know all this is shop bought and hope you werent crass enough to ask and sit in judgement when he planned a menu, shopped and cooked it.

But honestly if this is such a big deal to you, you might as well end it. If hes any pride he wont take kindly to "your home cooked meal wasnt from scratch youll need to do better or im done"

I've just eaten my dinner, I had quite plain boiled pasta, stir fried veg and tomatoes with a few herbs thrown in. A lot of my meals are like this, not processed and quite healthy, but not something I'd want to serve to a new date or friends etc. I'm quite anxious about cooking an impressive meal, so taking short cuts with something like a curry meal kit would help. That doesn't mean that I only eat microwaved processed food,I rarely eat processed microwave food.

What I do have a problem with us judging other people for their lack of culinary skills, suggesting people who's partners use meal kits have low standards etc. Being not so good in the kitchen doesn't make someone a low quality partner. Lots of people are good at some things but not so good at others.

Want a partner who loves to cook? No problem at all, go find what you're looking for, but just stop with the judgement. It doesn't make you any better than someone who's partner is incompetent in the kitchen.

You do know that not being very good at cooking isn’t a red flag, right?

Gosh I use them curry kits! I say it’s home cooked as in it isn’t microwave cooked.
But if he isn’t up to your standards then break up with him! You can end it for any reason!
My DH it would have been fried egg and homemade chips with bought bread and butter!

I cooked a home cooked, from scratch dinner on Friday.
Lovely fresh ingredients, lovingly chopped, stirred, added bla bla.
It was dreadful. The rice was overdone. The fish was over done.
It tasted OK, but honestly, I'm sure my guests would have preferred something I hadn't cooked myself!

Yes I think that’s a lot of it. It’s understandable if in early 20s and still figuring life out but older than that it’s just not OK.

He might not be a confident cook. He may have thought it safer to buy prepared food. He might have ended up time-poor that week/day.

I think you can take it into account in your overall assessment of your compatibility, but it would be odd to end things over this one off event.

That said I agree with PP who say the fact you find this so off-putting probably indicates you aren’t a good match… either you don’t really find him super attractive or on some level you know he’s not into it and you’re pinning it on this meal

(Obviously) I am not the OP, but I think it could be a red flag. But it depends on a few factors.
If he's an arrogant twat thinking 'Hmm I bet this little uneducated female thinks if I cook from home it is from scratch, I'll bet she doesn't know how to cook and will be impressed and then that's it, low effort forever!' or any variation of, that COULD be a red flag IMO. He's perhaps a good cook but can't be bothered and is showing her what he thinks of her and/or gauging her reaction to see what other low effort things she'll put up with. 'I'll turn up drunk to her birthday and she'll make excuses for me, like she did by saying dinner was lovely when it was just a few packets' or 'I'll not buy her anything for her birthday, she'll be grateful I got her a card' etc etc.

He could of course be just a nice guy who either genuinely doesn't know what 'home cooked' means for most people, is a bit clueless etc and could easily redeem himself in other ways.
Still, a bit short sighted of him to promise home cooked. If it was me and he'd have said 'Fancy coming for some dinner? I am a bit short of time so just going to pick up some nice bits from the supermarket' I'd be fine with that. But don't build up expectations of something else entirely.

I feel like I shouldn't like you, OP, but I do.

Back in the day when I made romantic home cooked dinners for an actual date, I'd have done something like a homemade soup, lasagne with salad and potatoes of some description or mushroom stroganoff, and a homemade cake for dessert. Nothing difficult or complicated, but properly made from scratch. Would that do? (It's the sort of stuff I do now when I have people round. I do cook, but with kids and work etc it's a different sort of repertoire usually.)

The way you put this seems a bit transactional! But fair enough if you got the ick

I wrote 3 paragraphs before realizing 3 words say it best:

Rude
Entitled
Snob

Give the poor man a break and end things gently. He deserves so much better.

Sex is a transaction to you? This is so sad.

It isn't just about the not being good at cooking? If he'd have been honest and said 'Fancy coming over for dinner? I am not a great cook but I'll pick some bits up and make something nice?' that might've been fine. I would be saying the build up of expectation when capability isn't there is the issue. If someone offers to take me to a pub lunch great, I am fine with cheap and cheerful. But they've not offered to take me out for a nice lunch and had me get dressed up and expect lovely food, and THEN took me to wetherspoons or something.

He has dodged a bullet.

Personally I'de be happy with that dinner. But I'm a stickler for proper spelling, so your "Gyoza's" would put me completely off you.

To each their own.

He deserves someone not so shallow and reactionary.

So set him freeeeee ...

I’m judging more that you don’t know how to spell dessert.

There are loads of comments on this and I couldn’t be bothered reading them all so I expect this has already been mentioned.

But the OP doesn't say that he claimed to be good at cooking? He just said he'd give her a home cooked meal, unless he said he'd trained as a chef I can't see any dishonesty? Maybe he thinks the curry spice kit is delicious? It's not like he pretended to have made it all himself.

If having a partner who's a really good cook is important to you, fine. But calling it a red flag or suggesting he's lied is ridiculous. He offered her a home cooked meal and used a curry spice kit to cook in his home.

I echo pp, it's not an episode of Come Dine With Me. Maybe he's not very confident at cooking & felt this was a safer bet.
He's got nothing to redeem himself for. It's a new relationship, he might not be aware just how hgh your standards are.
My dh could hardly make gravy out of a packet when we got married. It's taken years of training to get him where he is now.
On the other hand he is very good at washing up, cleaning, decorating, gardening, fixing things & childcare.
You sound very ungrateful & unwilling to discover what good domestic traits he does have. He should be binning you off, not the other way round!

Op, you have given me the ick.

I suppose it's about the meal being an attempt at seduction (I assume) and shit cooking out of a packet isn't much of a seduction.