Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

What would you cook for him if he came to yours? @WeeksJa ?
I know I couldn't do an oil change on my car but my bloke is brilliant at it! I can cook better than him so...

An ex made me beans on toast and tried to make it fancy by crushing raw garlic into the beans! I would have killed for your 3 course feast in comparison

The OP continually conflating this guy with men who don't do anything in their relationships and herself with women who are experiencing that is just fucking weird.

My (now) husband cooked me dinner exclusively with jars when we met as students. 20+ years later and he is no more skilled, or interested, in cooking more elaborately than that. However, he is a full partner in our marriage and always has been. And on top of sharing the daily tasks he has also fixed the dishwasher, the washing machine, the heating (numerous times), built raised beds and a deck in the garden, and much more. If I had dumped him because he made curry from a jar, I’d definitely have been the one who missed out.

Yep, the cognitive dissonance of people here writing thoroughly awful words to OP and then expecting everyone else to agree with them that it’s OP who is vitriolic is very strange.

That's a very strange move from someone who is presumably trying to seduce you. Not sure I'd feed raw garlic to someone I wanted to talk to, kiss and shag...

💯

You can do what you like, but if you really are as shallow as you appear to be then yes, end it so the poor guy can find someone who is more interested in him as a person than in his cooking skills. As for "feedback my disappointment" - there are no words .......

You sound like a complete nightmare.

Poor bloke.

Im fussy when it comes to men and have been single for a long time but to dump a man for this is 🤯

If this is a dealbreaker you need to only date chefs.

Honestly your really not a nice person and he is only punching himself. Your really low value with how awful you are to others and also it is disgusting how whiney you are. I do hope he dumps you.

This sounds ok to me. Maybe he’s not a confident cook? Or just wanted a low pressure evening on the cooking front so could be relaxed spending time with you? Or didnt want to overdo it? Were you expecting 3 courses from scratch? You are free to judge on anything you like but I’m not sure this would be a deal breaker for me at this early stage.

Agreed, especially as there are loads of posters saying “my DH doesn’t do much cooking but he does a list as long as your arm of things around the house/things that contribute to a good marriage/things I love him for” and we all get told our bar is on the floor…

Goes to show you were already looking for someone else so the cooking was probably just a cover for why you dumped him. WOW the more you speak the more unlikable you are.

Aaah, no need to be so serious.

I’m normally very firmly in the raging feminist camp. I’m often found around the FWR board brimming with fury at the patriarchy.

The wording of the comment from the OP struck me as funny. Hence the joke. The emoji was a hint.

No one else was obliged to find it funny - although judging by the reactions, a fair few others did.

If the OP is going to make ridiculous statements then I think it’s reasonable to respond with equally ridiculous jokes.

I’m not actually suggesting that women are single because they don’t brush their teeth, whether that’s OP or anyone else.

You can release your caps lock now.

Sorry I don’t really get your point . My ex husband was a brilliant cook, made lovely elaborate meals and bought loads of nice and expensive ingredients etc. But he’s a total bastard. This has no correlation on being a good partner. He bought and prepared you a three course meal , it might not be fancy or particularly skilful but that shows effort and thought. Either you’re looking for reasons to fuck it up or you have such exacting standards I don’t know who you are going to find!

It’s ok to want to be with someone who loves food and loves cooking.

It’s a red flag for OP because she is envisioning a future of meals that she has to cook herself and for her partner all the time.

I have a history of heart disease and cancer in my family, I can’t eat things like pasta, pizza, fish, chips etc regularly. DH being able to cook healthy meals foo is important to me.l, otherwise all the pressure is on me.

yes our bar is on the floor but hers is in the sky. Also she is going to look back and regret how she has treated people as she ages. What an awful woman.

This thread will die soon

Yes

Your comment was unkind. @MrsJPBP DH is clearly pulling his weight and you just reduced his contribution to money.

Not being a great cook is a dealbreaker for you and that’s totally fine but we don’t all have the same dealbreakers and many of your comments are coming off as condescending and rude. Frankly, that attitude won’t get you far in a longterm romantic relationship.

Let's hear it for all the people who like gyoza

Micro dinners!

It really wasn’t funny at all. It was a mean comment for no reason.

You do know the OP doesn't have to tell the chap he's a shit cook, don't you? She might just say "This isn't working for me", as so often recommended by posters on MN.

Ding ding there's your dinner