AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

I think wanting to hold a baby you are related to is pretty normal. Luckily, babies are usually loved by more than just their parents.

If you don't understand the significance of holding a new baby whom you are welcoming into the family, sadly no-one is likely to be able to explain it to you. How does it harm a baby to be held and loved?

It’s their bOuNdArIeS doncha know. 🙄🙄🙄

Bet they’ll still want babysitting though…

Or when their two-and-a-half year old is dancing naked in the dust of a sundried cowpat on the meadow of a stately home, as my DD did at a huge family picnic.

I did exactly what I wanted thanks.

Ah. Sorry about that.

New parents can be pretty precious with their first. By the time the second one comes around, they are more relaxed in my experience. I'd just chalk it up to them being OTT and move on.

If they are happy to bring up their child entirely without help for the next 18 years this is the way to begin. If on the other hand they are going to be complaining at how little involved the GPs are with their children, how they get no respite, and how selfish the GPs are to move away and/or spend all their money on themselves (as read in recent MN threads) then they should realise from the start that a child is a member of a wider family. This sort of thing is totally ridiculous. Of course you don’t want huge numbers of people holding a newborn but there is a reasonable in-between path.

not being allowed to touch the baby for 12 weeks is not a fairly normal boundary.
i was only too glad to have my mum pick up and look after my baby dcs so that I could have a shower in peace!

By then their baby would have presumably had all their vaccinations and not be a fragile newborn where catching a common illness could result in weeks in hospital. If people on this thread had seen ICU’s full of babies with RSV and similar they wouldn’t be so blasé about concerns.

very sad to prevent grandparents from a newborn cuddle unless there is an underlying issue.

I am someone who lost a baby and as a result I have met groups of grieving parents who have lost babies.
On two occasions they were lost because a relative kissed them ( with no obvious signs of cold sores) and they died of complications from herpes.

So you can step your judgement back and not be the saddo who wants to kiss or cuddle a new baby.

Same here, happy to leave mine with a trusted babysitter at 6 weeks too. I'd be happy to leave them to it and suggest catching up when child is older secondary school aged.

I'm in some ways shocked by the responses here. I've seen so many posts of people suffering PPA and PPD where people have been building them up, telling them to get through it however they can (including putting rules in place if it allows them some sort of rest from the worry) and yet from the other side this woman is awful and this child will never socialise or have any bonds with other family? Bit wild really. Personally I'd stop making my little sister out to be this stupid social media bot and start asking what I CAN do to support her.

I think I'd just leave it 6 months before I visited

Can you not see the difference between someone stopping a mother from looking after her newborn, and said mother happily handing the baby over to a close relative for a few minutes' cuddling and loving?

Yes I think I will leave it for now tbh

Good God, I had this from dd friend, a huge list, even what we could say to the parents !!!!
baby is 6 months, I’ve not bothered
get over yourselves

Well, when they ask for childcare in the future, simply explain that you have a rule that prevents you doing this for a child under 16 years old.🙃

I think the parents are crazy strict. However I had loads of people, close family and friends, who came in the first 2 weeks and haven’t bothered since. I really wish I could go back and only let our parents, sisters and our best friends, visit for that first month.

The amount of people that wanted to kiss my brand new baby on the face was insane. So yes, some rules had to be enforced.

I honestly can’t get worked up around this. If I visit someone with a new baby I like to make them food, do the washing up and be helpful.

Not holding a baby doesn’t make a massive difference to me.

While I let people hold my babies I did have a friend who held my DD with a cold and baby caught the cold at a few weeks old. I was fuming. So Atleast putting this in place means they aren’t annoyed as not everyone thinks the same.

Dd was born early at 37 weeks. We were kept in for a couple of days but on leaving headed straight to great grandmas house where dhs family were gathered. She had a cuddle with everyone.
When we got home we popped over to our friends house where they had a cuddle.
My dad got his cuddles the next morning then we took dd to tesco to buy a few pink bits as we'd not found out as we were having a girl or boy.
Dd is a healthy 19 year old, no ill effects from eating soil, or growing up with slobbery dogs and relatives.

I do agree parents get the last word but come on, a list of rules?

It could contract an infection and be weaker as a result for the rest of its life, or die. It’s unlikely but also possible. If someone has just given birth and they want to protect their newborn baby by keeping me away from it initially, I just respect that. I don’t worry about what crazy or horrible people they are. I just think oh ok, no problem I’ll see it in a few weeks when both parents are comfortable with it. No need for all the judgement.

Have you tried putting yourself in their shoes? Or considered why they’re insisting on these rules?

Sounds to me as if they might be experiencing a lot of anxiety (hence the list of rules for visiting relatives) and are simply trying to do what they believe to be necessary to protect their baby whilst also not completely excluding those people that want to visit.

Seems like they’re trying to meet the family halfway (by not just outright banning visits)… Wouldn’t it just be easier to accept this as new parents being new parents and go along with it? It’s not like they’re actually harming anyone!

I think it's a bit OTT but I also think they should be allowed to make this rule and have it respected. It's not like they've said no-one can hold the baby until s/he's 2 years old. 12 weeks is not a long time to wait. I get that grandparents and other family members are very keen to be involved but those 12 weeks will pass soon enough.

This