AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

@Pretfeen YANBU but unfortunately your brother's wife is making all decisions. I just hope her anxiety goes down because it's not healthy for a child to grow up with an ott anxious parent.

I just told everyone to wash hands before touching my baby and some (male) relatives thought that I was ott😅. Luckily DH was 100% onboard so it wasn't just me being "difficult" as an oncle said..

There is nothing so deliciously funny as people who don't yet have children talking about how perfectly they will raise their children.
Smile and wave and wait for the reality to hit!

Blimey, that sounds stressful. No kissing the baby, no visiting with colds etc perfectly understandable. Hopefully they'll chill out with time. They might look back and realise they've been a little over protective. I can't imagine telling my mum that she isn't to hold her grandchild. I think she would of thought I was crazy and been upset.

I just went on TikTok to remind myself of how batshit some people are and as well as the visiting there was stuff like:
Please do not disclose our baby’s full name to anyone, including family members
Absolutely no photos of the baby
Do not ask us if the baby has arrived yet
When we tell you about the birth, please do not tell others that the baby is here as we will do this

I mean you might try to pretend that this sort of stuff is normal but it’s really not.

I find this take interesting. It’s almost as if people want to hold and cuddle a tiny new born then lose interest when they’re older.

I had a baby in 2021 my only rules were no kissing the baby, putting hands near his mouth and please don’t visit if you are ill. This was also COVID times, I do find this ridiculous.

It’s just nonsense isn’t it… no one is suggesting kissing the baby or anything…so a GP having a cuddle should be a lovely moment!

I am just having a general rant now but….. Theres just a great big list of things that are ‘the thing’ - baby showers (I don’t get this at all - its just a please buy me things party!), gender reveals (only the parents really care..), hen and stag dos that you have to remortgage your house to attend!! Weddings with no family kids, and everyone has to wear pink or green and can’t possibly wear blue - the world’s gone absolutely mad!! 😂😂

Yet in years to come the parents with these rules will be on here complaining that nobody pays their DC’s any attention and have no family help

I would suggest until recently I the UK it was expected to visit the newborn, have a cuddle, take a gift. In my family it's normal to place a coin, a good luck piece in their hand, so the baby will never want. The coin is never spent. I always find it odd that other cultures have to be respected, but it's not thought that the culture of the UK should be.

100%. I couldn’t imagine talking about my younger sibling who has just had a baby like this, awful.

Can you not tell your sister/brother to get over themselves?

That said newborns freak me out so this rule would be a blessing for me 😉😂

It’s fucking bollocks isn’t it. Some people these days are so easily influenced and stupid.

Sounds like they've gone really strict in a way because they were worried anything less would be dismissed immediately, only you and your family can tell if that was a possibility, your sibling has chosen to parent with this person so they obviously agree to some point.

Either way it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, this is their baby and I hate this saying but.... end of!

No, I didn't mean that - although I think that's also true of some families.
What I meant was more that if you hold people at arms length, and make them feel silly for wanting to welcome your child into the world, you're running a risk that in fact those relationships never do develop.

So why are the rules and wishes of the family outweighing the rules and wishes of the new parents? Why should the parents be the ones to “suck it up”?

I think it's a bit weird. Especially with grandparents. But I think I wouldn't be rushing round at the four weeks deadline. I'd be a bit nervous of breaking a rule. Let others go round and test the waters first and make the cock ups. They will relax after more visitors and a few more weeks. Even then I'm not sure I'd want to hold a newborn with such uptight parents

If it was my grandchild ( mind you mine are far to young for that for a good decade) I'd leave it to them to invite me when they felt comfortable.

I had a sick relative say I could pop in for 30 mins max on a three hour round drive. I felt so nervous about offending or outstanding my welcome, in retrospect I wish I hadn't gone. Would have been better to wait for them to be up for a more normal pop in for few hours at a later time. Mind you it wasn't me who arranged the meet up so maybe that clouds my view. Because I think you have a gut feeling if your welcome and that starts with a specific invite.

It’s utterly ridiculous, weird and precious. I’m so pleased to say I know no-one like this.

My new babies were passed around and cuddled by family, friends, neighbours - you name it. We loved the stream of visitors in those first few weeks. We’ve even got a photo of our eldest newborn being held by the postman 😂

This is going to cause:
more allergies
less immunity to common viruses
more social awkwardness type issues
more resentment from all family members involved (parents and others)
potential reduction in family support

They haven’t thought it through and are ridiculous

What will they do if there is an emergency and they need someone to look after baby while they deal with it?

What a load of absolute bollocks.

Thought so. They (Chinese and Russians) also have the 'no-outdoor-shoes-indoors' rule. They have special 'school indoor shoes' and when they cross the school's threshold, they must change, otherwise they will not be allowed in class. And it seems that the dodgier the hygiene in the country (I heard horror stories), the stricter the individuals - e.g. in 1993 (!!!!) my Nigerian fellow student disinfected door hands in our halls of residence, and blew my mind by knocking the burner cap sideways on the gas stove to elicit a strong flame and then slightly singed every bread loaf surface (bought in a supermarket!!!!) to disinfect it!!!!
So, it is not directed at you, it is their rules and habits and prophylaxis, so just leave it for a while, it will be normal soon!

Their baby, their rules. Probably put rules in because some relatives are a bit intense and/or gross, but can’t single them out, so a blanket rule for all. Does seem a bit OTT, but it’s their baby. It’s not going to kill anyone having to wait to see or hold their baby.

Just don't go. They want everyone to admire as if this baby is the Second Coming. It's bollocks. Just don't engage

My Mum saved my daughter’s life in her first week. Her behaviour was not that of a normal baby, she had a serious heart defect and couldn’t stay awake for long enough to feed. I would never have known that this wasn’t normal and would have left it too late to do anything whereas my Mum called the GP who came almost immediately and said go straight to A&E. She had open heart surgery a few days later.
Don’t underestimate the advantages an experienced parent/grand parent can bring in those early days.

I have an acquaintance like this and the rules get more and more ridiculous every time eg their 3 year old isn’t allowed in the garden if there’s a wasp