AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

There be on here on a couple of weeks/months/years complaining that family aren’t interested in those baby.

The thing is with these sorts of people - soon enough they'll find people aren't that interested. And then they'll wonder why their child is 7 and they've never had a babysitter.

Ridiclous rules

Thing is all this “your X - your rules” about life means people feel absolutely justified in setting unnecessary rules and telling people to suck it up.

Let’s just hope when they’ve alienated all the people closest to them they don’t become upset when those people distance themselves naturally and don’t offer oodles of free childcare.

It's a good way to weed out the weirdos and the annoying relatives who will visit once, hold baby, take a photo with baby and then vanish until the next one is born.

My brother and his wife were like this when their baby was born. It was a long road to get pregnant with IVF etc .
I wasnt able to see my niece for about 2 months. Neither was anybody else other than the grandparents.
It was frustrating but I could understand their anxieties as first time parents.
I think it just never crossed my mind when mine were babies. Everybody visited and held them within the first 2 to 4 weeks.

Neither stance is wrong.

Yes I don't think I'd ever be inclined to babysit. They would be the type that will set 100 rules and super rigid about everything, I don't think I could be bothered

Do you think they will be surprised when they eventually try and have a night out and baby is unwilling…

The weirdos??? We're talking about close family and friends here, not random strangers off the street

Maybe they'll be just fine without you and the other whiney relatives who can't bear to just let them recover from birth and enjoy their baby for what is realistically a tiny amount of time.

Seriously, how else can you possibly bond with a newborn if not through touch? You can't exactly have a deep and meaningful chat with it. I would genuinely say it is impossible to bond with a new baby through any other means.

I wouldn’t have those rules personally, but they are new parents, probably anxious. I’d cut them some slack and be happy to do as they wish, it’s not my child. They’ll ease up eventually

Some "Close family" are weirdos. Notably those who can't/won't respect a fairly normal boundary for a fairly small amount of time.

I always find it baffling that people want to cuddle newborns. Fair enough for grandparents but it is a strange one for me to ask to hold people's babies. For what it's worth, I have had 2. One during covid and I did let the grandparents hold them. I only asked that they wash their hands first - FIL refused to wash and said he just wouldn't hold the baby so I suppose he thought I was weird too.

Do you think as a grandparent/aunt/insert relative that the bond is dead forever if you don't hold the baby before 12 weeks old?

Perhaps in your family it's like that but not everyone has such a negative view

Of course people want to cuddle newborns. Newborn babies are lovely!

My DB and SIL did this, it was ridiculous and they couldn’t understand why nobody was that excited to glimpse at a baby from 6foot away! I made people wash their hands but they was it!

You have no idea how you're viewed. Nobody has ever refused to let me hold their baby.

Have your own then.

It's not a fairly normal boundary though

in

Every day I look at my son and wonder how he survived to adulthood without all this nonsense. It's classic pfb rubbish. In a few weeks they will twig that people are generally not very interested in other people's babies and will be bleating about the lack of support. 🙄

I was a little bit precious with my PFB. Not to this extent though, but I was a little bit overprotective (he's 37 now, I'm over it). By the time I had baby number five, I'd have handed her to the milkman if it meant I got ten minutes peace.

So if the baby hasn’t been passed around extended family by the time it’s three months old, it will scream if it’s literally ever handed to a babysitter?

Their baby their rules blah blah. Of course. It’s a bit sad though. A new baby is a joyful thing. I’d be really sorry as a grandparent not to be allowed to hold the new member of the family.