AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

Exactly.

For your future relationship with your sister, BIL and their newborn, I would keep your opinions always to yourself on this (unless they were to ask for your opinion in the future) and go along with what they have asked for. You can still l phone or text etc to ask how they are doing, how you can help (shopping maybe) and just go along with their (in my opinion too) unwise rules.

It’s actually really sad if you’re not being allowed to hold or cuddle your newborn nephew. Especially if your SIL is the one controlling it and expecting your db to go along with these bonkers rules.

i kinda almost (at a push) understand new mums not wanting everyone to hold their newborn, but grandparents and aunts & uncles??! Madness!

Speaking as someone who knows a couple who had the most precious baby that has ever been born in the entire history of the universe and who made up all kinds of ridiculous rules about who could even set foot inside their house for the best part of a year...

All I can say is that the baby's parents have entirely lost their fucking marbles.

My favourite photo of the day DD1 was born is my brother lovingly looking terrified holding her. She was less than 3 hours old and he had driven from the East of Edinburgh to Glasgow to meet her. All the grandparents were there too and there are photos of them holding her too.

Not a Gen Z thing - I'm Gen X, I knew a few parents like this when we started having kids, I'm guessing it's an anxiety issue. They would also do things like warm the car so the baby wouldn't get cold (or shocked by the ignition starting)

There are so many of these types of posts on this thread.

What worked well for you is completely irrelevant as what works/ is needed for one woman doesn't speak for all women.

Imagine if we just respected women to make the decisions for themselves and their new babies they needed to make when they're at their most fragile.

A pp earlier said on one of my posts that going along with it isn't helpful if mh is an issue - I understand that perspective but there are ways to be supportive and that usually starts with not judging the mum and her decisions and instead being in touch in a way she's comfortable with, centering her and asking genuinely how she is doing.

Very few posters have suggested that, we've had a reef of pps suggesting to cut her out completely or be angry at her. Zero empathy and a ton of judgement.

This thread has genuinely shocked me as to the sheer lack of understanding around maternal mental health. I really thought that we were further ahead socially and as women than this. It's so disappointing.

Oh well bet they won't be the same with a second baby. Can just imagine trying to stop a small child touching their sibling for months

In fairness, they’re probably not going to have to try to stop a four year old smoking round a newborn.

The post is about touching a baby not smoking around it Two totally different things.

Again a nonsense comment though because it's not a second baby. We ALL do things differently with a second baby and your family set up and lifestyle is completely different by that point. Plus you've a load of experience under your belt. A first baby is always the first pancake and you're figuring out wtf you're doing and just trying to do your best without maybe really knowing what "good enough" is. Why wouldn't someone want to give their best to a first child when they have the capacity to do it lots of my friends have spoken about feeling quite guilty that they didn't do as much for their second because they simply couldn't. It also comes down to options. You don't have the option of protecting a second child from nursery germs from your first just like you might not have the option to impose a nap routine. But if it makes life easier why the flip would you not with your first. Plenty of people only decide to have one now anyway.

The best? So if that's the best then it kind of insinuates the 2nd baby isn't worth as muchos

Why on earth would you consider it " best" anyway

So the HV will come and touch the baby after visiting heaven knows how many households yet the Grandparents aren't allowed to.

It’s really sad isn’t it. People seem to want to punish others when they have different views and opinions rather than being respectful and supportive.

My friend's daughter is visiting (her Mum) next week with her month old baby.
They will come to see me, or me them and I simply can't imagine not having a cuddle. I almost ache to hold a little baby in my arms (LOL...it's been a while, and is probably some evolutionary thing to flip from freaking out about my sons having sex to actively encouraging them to go forth and procreate!).
We shall see.

New first time parents these days are batshit.
I'm telling you. They act like they've just crated the second coming of christ then develop all these made up rules which will have more of a negative impact long term anyway.

It really is crazy. I've had a few friends with births in the family lately and some of the shit I hear is next level. Its a baby. We were all one once and they're born every minute. It isn't a disability or chronic illness. I also think it's pretty concerning people are still reproducing when the world is such a mess. Funny that a family member touching the baby in its first week is the least bad thing to happen to the kid before its 1 year old in this shit show of a world. Kind of hypocritical if you think about it if they're happy to burden them with this crazy life but don't be touching it... Absolute fucking mental. Happy not to touch anyone's baby but I also won't be watching it when they want a night out either... 🤷‍♀️

It's strange like the whole 'no kissing' thing with "evidence" from the NHS, as if that is some kind of arbiter of truth which trumps millions of years of experience, and humanity surviving up until this point.

Already started a rough draft of my new rules.

Also strange that the place a newborn is more likely to be touched by ia non parent is in a hospital when born or people like the midwives and health visitors afterwards. .All NHS people who have gone round many people , touching many babies etc

And the first thing my midwife does before she even touches me is wash her hands. Imagine they are cleaner than a grandparents mouth kissing the baby!

I can almost understand if you might think your horrible DIL is using rules as some kind of power play or retaliation. I can’t possibly see what reason you think the NHS, as well as hospitals internationally, have to issue this advice beyond keeping the baby as safe as possible.

All of these posters seeing the hospital issued advice an weblinks and just dismissing it because they know better gives me the right heebie-jeebies. The NHS has no vested interest, it isn’t on the mother’s side. It’s just telling you what best practice is.

Damn pesky science and new knowledge.

We should go back to the days of no seatbelts and such as well shouldn’t we.

They wash hands and/or wear gloves. With my two children, the HV hasn’t actually physically touched them. They ask the parent to undress and then pop baby on the scales. The midwives who have handled my baby were wearing gloves. It’s so ingrained within them. My mother has been retired for a few years from midwifery, but still washes her hands before holding my baby, even though he’s now of an age where he’s a lot more robust.

I asked my in-laws to wash their hands before holding my babies as they’d always touch their disgusting dog, who’s rancid smell transferred onto your hands. Dog loved rolling in all animal poo he encountered, but apparently basic hygiene was a big reach and offensive.

Well surely anyone would wash their hands before touching a baby anyway. Just basic hygiene

Oh gosh the false equivalency thing again - yawn.

I honestly don't think anyone ever washed their hands before touching my babies. I certainly didn't. They've never really been ill. Now teenagers.