AIBU to think you shouldn't have to specify your food order as "on its own" if you don't want a side and they cost extra?

[SidesAside]

A wet and cold Bank Holiday Sunday where I am. DH and I decided to go with our original plan of visiting a garden centre, but to pad the day out a bit as we wouldn't be looking around outside, I suggested stopping off on the way for lunch at a cheap and cheerful chain pub that has nice lakeside views.

For context, come rain or shine, workday or weekday, we always have a light lunch, e.g. sandwich and then a substantial dinner in the evening.

We arrived, found a table and I looked at the menu. I found a list of sandwiches and chose one. It's an order at the bar and pay place, so I kept the table and DH went up with the order.

He came back and said, "You've got spicy potato wedges as a side."

I said, "The menu didn't mention it came with a side, I didn't want one."

He said, "It didn't cost any extra."

I looked again at the menu and saw, under the list of sandwiches, a footnote saying "Add a side for £1.50' with a list of sides, potato wedges, onion rings and so on. I checked the receipt and we had indeed paid £1.50 for unwanted wedges. Now, I am not fussed about £1.50 but I pointed out we'd now paid for something that would go to waste.

DH became defensive and said "But you didn't ask for a prawn caibatta "on its own"".

I said, "Surely I shouldn't have to as the sides are an extra, you know I never normally order sides, even if we're having a main meal." [for context we have been married over 20 years].
DH repeated "You should have asked for it "on its own"."

I didn't want to spoil the day with a petty argument so I said, "In short, you've been a victim of upselling - just please, engrave in your mind for the future that unless I specifically say I want a side, whether it's included or not, I don't want one."

I then changed the subject, we carried on with our day and had a pleasant enough time considering the weather.

But who is being unreasonable here -

• Me, for not asking for the sandwich 'on its own'
• DH for saying I should have asked for it 'on its own'
• The pub for what sounds like sneaky upselling.

Opinions welcome!

Jeez. You sound really uptight, rigid, and downright joyless. I hope you engrave in your brain the comments on here about the way you spoke to your husband.

Well I agree with DH and maybe you need to "engrave in your brain" to specify all future sandwiches are to be sans a side, just in case!!

Oh to be a fly on the wall for this conversation. The level of pettiness (from both sides it seems) is astounding.

It's a bit annoying, he does have form for it, he can be a bit like that guy from The Fast Show if he does the shopping, no, I didn't get baked beans but even better, I got a dehumidifier and 100 paperclips ... but I was more annoyed at the 'on its own' thing.

Who wants spicy wedges with a prawn sandwich? YANBU
it's not the wedges thats the issue it's the blaming you. "You should have told me you only wanted the thing you asked me for." Instead of "ah, I thought they were included, my bad."

It's not a big deal, the gaslighting and blaming you for his error is.

No one thought to go up to the bar and cancel the wedges? Job of a minute. Probably spent longer bickering over it.

It was Sunday lunchtime on a wet bank holiday weekend in a popular pub serving cheap food, by the time one of us had queued up to amend the order it would probably have been cooked if not served.

Out of curiosity, what would you have said to him if you were in the mood for a petty argument?

😂

You've given lots of description: time of the year, day of the week, the weather, the cost of the food... I imagine if there was a massive queue you probably would have mentioned that originally as well. Job of a minute as I say.

My first thought is HE wanted the side! Of course you don’t order a side unless asked to do so.

Ha - I love those sketches, almost as much as the foul mouthed nan

It wasn't 'massive' - it was about what you'd expect in the circumstances - but not a case of being able to go straight back and intercept the order before it went to the kitchen.

I don’t know why you posted @SidesAside , as you’re determined you’re in the right

I think the issue is that he was under thr impression from the staff that it was included... so he just picked a random side.

@BudgetBuster indeed - how I hate the casual ‘would you like XYZ with that’ - implying it’s an included option, playing on many peoples’ reluctance to ask ‘is it included/extra’ for fear of seeming stingy…I always want to know the cost of various options so I can make an informed decision about whether the add-on/more expensive option is worth it for me!

FWIW I actually DON'T think you were BU, though I seem to be in the minority 😂

I've said more than once I accept some of the feedback, so I'm not sure why you think that.

My husband wasting time trying to convince me that I'd expressed my order wrongly did nothing to help the situation. If, as some pp have suggested, he'd immediately acknowledged it was either his error or the pub's stealth upselling, we might have had a better cancellation window. But I had to retrieve a menu, check it, and check the receipt, which wasted time.

For what it's worth, he never actually acknowledged that it isn't usual to add 'on its own' in those circumstances, but I genuinely didn't want a prolonged argument so I closed it by making it clear that whatever the circumstances in future, I don't want a side unless I explicitly ask for one.

YABU to be so rude to anyone over such a small mistake.

You sound like a lunatic!

Honestly OP, if you talk to your husband like this often he was probably scrambling for the right thing to say.

You had to retrieve the menu, check it, check the receipt just to be ‘right’. Then berate him about it. It’s too much. Just say thanks for ordering, eat your lunch and make a note to say no sides in future.

My husband wasting time trying to convince me that I'd expressed my order wrongly did nothing to help the situation

Wasting time? Expressing his opinion? It's not like you were in a big rush...

He tried to tell me more than once that on seeing a menu item "Prawn Ciabatta' that had no mention of any sides, the normal thing to do would be to ask for 'A prawn ciabatta on its own' - when the sides were separate items, priced separately, and I have no record of ever ordering a side with a sandwich at lunchtime.

I wondered if I'd read the menu incorrectly, and/or the sides were in fact at no extra cost (hence the receipt) - I was checking my facts before saying he was wrong - that's not an unreasonable thing to do.

I suppose am I going to have to resign myself to tagging on 'and I don't want a side with that' on any occasion DH happens to be ordering food, which is yet another pointless burden to pile onto my menopausal brain which is already overloaded with stupid things I have to remember because so much in life is complicated by things that don't work in a simple, uncomplicated way and require workarounds and caveats and the need to take unnecessary steps to opt out of pointless crap designed to drain money out of your wallet and fill your life with things you don't need in it.

Ah, well.

I genuinely hope you’re ok (and are never presented with an unwanted potato wedge again).

Not that you're overreacting of course