AIBU to think you shouldn't have to specify your food order as "on its own" if you don't want a side and they cost extra?

[SidesAside]

A wet and cold Bank Holiday Sunday where I am. DH and I decided to go with our original plan of visiting a garden centre, but to pad the day out a bit as we wouldn't be looking around outside, I suggested stopping off on the way for lunch at a cheap and cheerful chain pub that has nice lakeside views.

For context, come rain or shine, workday or weekday, we always have a light lunch, e.g. sandwich and then a substantial dinner in the evening.

We arrived, found a table and I looked at the menu. I found a list of sandwiches and chose one. It's an order at the bar and pay place, so I kept the table and DH went up with the order.

He came back and said, "You've got spicy potato wedges as a side."

I said, "The menu didn't mention it came with a side, I didn't want one."

He said, "It didn't cost any extra."

I looked again at the menu and saw, under the list of sandwiches, a footnote saying "Add a side for £1.50' with a list of sides, potato wedges, onion rings and so on. I checked the receipt and we had indeed paid £1.50 for unwanted wedges. Now, I am not fussed about £1.50 but I pointed out we'd now paid for something that would go to waste.

DH became defensive and said "But you didn't ask for a prawn caibatta "on its own"".

I said, "Surely I shouldn't have to as the sides are an extra, you know I never normally order sides, even if we're having a main meal." [for context we have been married over 20 years].
DH repeated "You should have asked for it "on its own"."

I didn't want to spoil the day with a petty argument so I said, "In short, you've been a victim of upselling - just please, engrave in your mind for the future that unless I specifically say I want a side, whether it's included or not, I don't want one."

I then changed the subject, we carried on with our day and had a pleasant enough time considering the weather.

But who is being unreasonable here -

• Me, for not asking for the sandwich 'on its own'
• DH for saying I should have asked for it 'on its own'
• The pub for what sounds like sneaky upselling.

Opinions welcome!

Clearly she doesn't know how to manage him though if he made such an earth shattering mistake 😂

He'd only just ordered.

Are you OP’s twin sister? You should introduce your dh’s to each other, they could probably do with an ally.

I’ll be honest and say I deviate - sometimes I just want the basic dish, others I’ll quite fancy something on the side! So I would have said ‘just’ the prawn sandwich or ‘on its own’ but I think that’s kind of irrelevant. You spoke to your DH like a twat and made a big deal out of nothing IMO. I’d be pretty unimpressed if I was him

control freak, obnoxious and argumentative over £1.50 !

Too scared to eat them after OP told him to ‘engrave his mind’. I’d tell DH to fuck off if he ever spoke to me like that.

By browbeating him into submission

He did get up sold but he may not have realised if they asked him in a way that could imply they were one if a couple of options included as part of the sandwich purchase - not worth embarrassing him or making a fuss over imo.

You're quite right - I misread the post. Sorry!

Yep sending him straight back to cancel the wedges and get a refund or something else instead would have been much better than seething about it, talking to him like an imbecile, and clearly still being wound up about it later to post on MN 😂

As well as speaking to him like shit, you’ve placed the onus on him to check whether the item you’ve chosen comes with a side (as I imagine he assumed it did) going forward. I can’t work out why you - or anyone else - thinks you’re right.

To address the point about £1.50 wedges.

• It was an 'upgrade your meal' type deal where they were cheaper than a standalone portion of wedges.

• I am not bothered about the waste of £1.50 as a one-off. If I was so short of money that I couldn't stand the loss, I wouldn't be having lunch out at all. However, we have a lunch like this on average once a week - we don't bother with takeaways, we only have restaurant dinners on special occasions, and we don't drink alcohol so we don't have pub evenings - this is, if you like, our weekly treat. £1.50 a week over the course of a year would add up to quite a lot. It annoys me when people moan about the cost of living without really considering the impact that small wastes of money can have over time. I could have said the side cost a fiver if I'd been trying to prove myself in the right as a principle, but I wanted to represent what happened accurately.

To address the point about being 'Hannibal Lecter', a 'horrible woman' etc.

• I'm really not, I just know my husband very well and if he's fallen into this trap once he'll do it again.
• I accept and take on board I could probably have phrased it better. I was exasperated that he immediately tried to suggest it was my fault for not asking for the sandwich 'on its own' when the sandwich as a menu item came on its own, he knows I am not in the habit of ordering extras with my lunch, and he knows I don't normally eat fried potatoes because they give me heartburn.

To address the point about him doing this as a stealth way to eat the side himself.

• I did not 'police' his order or even ask what he was ordering. His order (pasta) didn't have an upgrade option but he could have ordered anything he liked from the menu.
• Knowing him as I do I would be astounded if he'd wanted anything extra. He didn't finish the wedges, he didn't fully finish his pasta (par for the course). He's just not a person who can manage huge portions (he's always been very thin).

In short - I accept my ire should probably be directed at the pub for 'stealth upselling' i.e. not making it clear when the order was placed that the side was an extra with a cost. I believe my husband when he said he wasn't told this.

I should probably have said 'don't worry about it' and would have had he not tried to suggest it's usual to add 'on its own' to an order that is a standalone item to begin with.

I take on board the feedback about speaking over harshly and will bear this in mind for the future - thanks for pointing this out.

Well no, I've done the opposite. I tried to make it as easy as possible by saying that unless I ask for a side, in future assume I don't want one.

If the side had been included in the cost of the meal, I wouldn't have cared, but I do read menus carefully because of my aforementioned hernia and if there'd been included sides I'd have seen that and, from the list there was, told him not to bother unless he wanted it for himself.

Sounds like a non issue that should have been forgotten about within seconds.

The easiest option is for you to remember this incident and say I’d like a tuna sandwich please, no chips etc on the side.

This was to make it as simple as possible and hopefully avoid him falling into the stealth upselling trap again.

In this present world we live in a minefield of stealth upselling, hidden extras and so on. A default of 'no side' is simple. If there's an included side I will see that on the menu and say if I want it, or ask him if he wants it.

I had my first waitressing job in 1999 and the menu has a section called sides then. I wonder how far back you have to go to see them called extras...
The only place I know that has extras on the menu is an all night converted double decker bus that sells greasy burgers, I remember because we used to joke it was the kind of place where extras could mean anything

I cant vote. Because I think yanbu to be frustrated he ordered something you didn't ask for and that he has form for it so obviously you sre frustrated.

But the way you spoke to him is unacceptable and disrespectful.

Why not just order for yourself in future? That'll solve the issue of you not needing to treat your DH like a piece of shit

Mountain and molehill come to mind.

I’d be surprised if he wants to go out with op for food again. It’s a lot for an mis-order of some £1.50 potatoes.

I think it's the concept of 'sides' that is relatively recent in the UK.

In the old days, you used to get the some of the things that are now added as 'sides' that you pay extra for, as a standard part of your meal, and also it wasn't really a thing that if you had, say, a pizza, you would also order a bowl of fries with it.

1999 was 27 years ago, so I'm not convinced it's a recent thing

Oh, come on.

A minefield of stealth upselling 😂😂

£1.50 a week over the course of a year would add up to quite a lot. It annoys me when people moan about the cost of living without really considering the impact that small wastes of money can have over time.

You know you don’t have to keep going back every week and mistakenly ordering £1.50 wedges you don’t want? It was a one off, move on.