AIBU to end a friendship after last-minute changes to our trip?

[Porridgepudding]

Hi mumsnet, I have a dilemma, which I think calls for me to end a long standing friendship. Looking more to rant than anything else, as it's a miserable story.
Friend is someone I know through work, but we work for different companies. We had planned and paid for a day trip. I made all the arrangements. Friend was going to drive and I pre paid for parking in the city and tickets for a show. 2 hours drive away. We were due to leave this AM. Friend gets in touch at 5pm yesterday asking me to meet her at her partners at 4am.
I spoke to them at 5.30pm and refused, as this was not our agreement, and I was not prepared to drive to a new address in the middle of the night and leave my car there. Also I said they had only sent me a postcode which was dismissed (so effectively driving to a postcode with no house number) she said to look out for her car! Bear in mind again this would have been the middle of the night.
Friend reminded me they were having tests for cancer ( one of the reasons for the trip) and I was not being understanding. Friend also said if I did not want to leave my car I could meet her in the city, again I did not see why I should do this as I'd paid for her car parking but then to take my own (for which I'd also have to sort parking) I said I was still wanting to go, was ready, and looking forward but would not be driving to the partial address given or the city. Multiple messages between us ending with friend then saying it was getting too stressful and to 'just leave it'
Spoken to my sister, who is baffled how someone can drive 2 hours to another city but not 20 minutes to pick me up. Also is stumped why I would only be sent a postcode for the partner (who I have only met once)
Further context- I had sent the parking confirmation yesterday morning and friend responded with a thumbs up emoji. No other comments or messages until 5pm.
If I had been asked at that point in the morning to drive to her home I would have or taken a train into the city, I would 100% have been flexible. However so late on the day before left me no option for public transport, paying more for my own car parking or being bullied to do what friend was asking.
My view is they have gone to see their partner who had advised her to not bother picking me up, and instruct me to come to his address.
I'm feeling really disappointed, more that friend has come across in the call and message as I am being unreasonable when all I wanted/expected was to stick to the original agreement, or at least to have had reasonable notice of a change.
Background info- I have been told at a recent conference by someone else in our field that she left her last company because of complaints of bullying towards junior staff last year. This fits for me in that I know her current job has meant a pay drop for her. I'm putting this in to give a sense of others view of her. Again never affected me but I have seen that side of her this weekend.
Curious what others would do in this situation based purely on what's happened, and written here.
Thankyou for reading.

Post codes usually cover about 15 houses or a block of flats. Won't be a whole long road

I think if she's driving you both two hours the least you could do is drive yourself 20 mins to meet her wherever she is. Not sure how it was too late to arrange public transport? The postcode thing is odd did you actually ask for the house number? Is 4am a typo?

This makes you sound so petty. I always give the postcode when I give my address, mainly so people can figure out how far away I am. Sometimes I forget to add the house number and sometimes I don’t but my friends will just ask me if I do. Thats the normal thing to do!

if you’re 20mins in the other direction then thats a long diversion as its 40 mins extra to pick you up at both ends of the day. Even if you’re just five mins away then it adds up so why can’t you do a little bit of extra driving.

what a drama over nothing and you know what it might be in her best interests if you do end the friendship. While she’s hot so much on her plate you should be doing everything you can and not being so petty.

Yabu. You’re not a child, expecting to be collected from your door.

4hrs 40 mins of petrol (at the least) probably costs more than the theatre tickets these days 😂

This makes no sense, if it’s a two hour drive to a show why on earth do you need to be leaving at 4am? What opens at 6? And she’s undergoing cancer investigations so likely not feeling good, hence why her partnee thought you’d be willing to help her out and not put it all in her to drive your around.

Not sure if this has already been said, but some roads don’t have numbered houses. If the houses are named, it may make sense to drive to the postcode and look out for your friend’s car. I told my friend the exact same thing recently and they found my house no problem.

Were you planning on setting off at anywhere near 4am? If the plan was that she should pick you up at, say 7am, then yes it’s weird of her. If the plan was for her to pick you up at 4/4:30am then YABU.

A post code can cover a long road though. You need the door number. Who wants to be looking out for a car in front as a distinguishing mark in the early hours of the morning.

Ahh, another AI-bu about petty friendship squabbles.

But you explained to your friend why no door number, OP isn’t being given an explanation.

This summarises my view perfectly. I did not change the goalposts, my friend did. I organised, paid for and planned (with her) the day due to worries about her health back in February. My friend wanted to drive. I did speak to her and asked for the house number. She said when I reached the postcode I would see her car outside his house. I dont know this man. I looked on maps and it's a row of terraces, so again baffled how I would know, so I can only assume she thought i would call when i got outside. I'm shocked so many of you think it's reasonable to drive in the early hours to a strangers house and then leave the car there. Driving in the dark is not an issue. We were due to set of around 6am, so we were in the city to have breakfast, do some shopping etc before the show at 2pm.
As some of you have hinted at, it's the way this has been proposed. If she had asked me to go to her house, that would have been absolutley fine, been many times before. If she had asked me in the morning to meet her in the city, again that would have been fine and I would have got a train. At the point she messaged me the early morning trains were fully booked so I would only have got there for the show, and had to return home straight after as reduced service on sunday to my town. The addition of the train fare and train journey (3.5 hours) were not worth it for a 2 hour show.
As with lots of posts, there is other background I can add to express why I have the position I do, and in short she has let me down before and I have overlooked it, dismissed it, as i enjoy her friendship. It's also why her being unwell appears to not factor into my view. As my sister has said she did not suddenly become unwell at 5pm, she has had many weeks to ask me to come to her.
It may seem minor on the surface but I am left thinking that I can not make arrangements with her again in case I'm let down which is sad. She also knows roughly how much I have paid ( over £200) and I'm lucky I can afford it, but I have children at home ( hers are grown up and dont live with her) and it's still a sizeable amount to loose. She has not paid anything up front ( which was ok, as she was going to drive) and so has lost nothing by not going.
Thankyou all for replying.

Well, OP hasn’t given us a reason, but that could be the reason.

So it’s a two hour drive to her partners from your house and a two hour drive from his house to the location? So they wanted the driving split?

if the show isn’t till 2, I cannot work out why the pair of you are making such a meal of this. You could have turned up at hers for 10 am. Got there for noon, had some lunch, seen the show.

I’m sorry you’ve lost money, OP. £200 is a lot. Can you still use the tickets?

I would be asking her to reimburse you.

Ignore the people calling you petty, a woman having boundaries is a trigger for many.

@nomas I stand corrected. The update explains the address was a row of terraces, so would have numbers. OP thinks her friend expected her to call when she got there 🤷‍♀️

No worries, I imagined a long country road with a big gap between each house, so we were both off 🤣

Um, except for the title which says 'last minute changes to our trip'. It's clear there was a plan as this was a last minute change and also the OP had booked the parking for friend who gave it the thumbs up. No idea where you're getting the sense that the OP's expectation to be picked up was some fantasy that her friend was unaware of rather than an agreed plan that was changed last min. I

I'd love to know what was going on in the city that all the early morning trains to get you there for the 6am start you planned on a Sunday were fully booked until lunchtime. Something doesn't add up here.

You've read it wrong so that's probably why it doesn't add up. It was an 8am start in the city not getting there for 6am. Early trains on Sunday service probably started later and could feasibly be booked up on a bank hol weekend if they're scant and only a couple of carriages. If they're even reliable at all given the train service in many places over bank hol weekends. Plus it taking 3.5hrs rather than the shorter drive, and the extra expense, is a big sudden shift from the pick up, drive, breakfast, shop and show planned since Feb. I think it's odd to zero in on imagined fabrications rather than see the bigger picture which is that if you'd paid £200 and organised a nice outing, you'd be cheesed off if the other person who'd done FA but agreed to pick you up and drive decided not to and instead wanted you to set out driving to an unknown place at 4am just because she didn't want to get out of bed with her boyfriend a bit earlier.

Bullying? Oh, here we go. It's your friend chancing her arm, it's in no way bullying, ffs. By the way, she's being a dick and you're right to be pissed off.

You both sound inflexible, TBH.

Yes, it can be annoying when someone changes plans last minute but would it really have killed you to dive 20 minutes when she was going to drive 2 hours?

sat Navs run on postcodes, as does Google Maps. you could've just got there and parked and then messaged her.

Seems a bit like you just want to have a moan.

So she was going to collect you at 6am from yours and drive the 2 hours to the city, instead she asked you to drive to her partner’s for 4am? It’s still not really adding up, unless you mean her partner lives 2 hours away from you so you’d have to have driven that far to his.

Anyway, it all just sounds a bit silly and overblown. She’s going through a rough time, she asked you to tweak plans slightly, you didn’t feel happy about this so cancelled the whole thing and lost the £200 you’d paid. Weird.

Yeah that’s what it is, we are all triggered .😂

most reasonable people would say to their sick friend, I understand why you may have wished to be with your partner, but how about I get to yours for 9 or 10

I don't get the "I don't know him" part of your tale. Whenever we park our cars anywhere its with a level of risk that something might happen to it. What do you think he's going to do with your car? Whats wrong with leaving your car on a perfectly normal legal road? Do you only park in places where you know the occupants of the nearby houses??

I get your friend now not wanting to bother with going, but why won't you go? I wouldn't be wasting my own ticket money just because someone else didn't want to go. Live your life.

Yanbu.
So you are out of pocket because of her decision to change arrangements last minute?
I wouldn't waste any futher time on her.