AIBU to end a friendship after last-minute changes to our trip?

[Porridgepudding]

Hi mumsnet, I have a dilemma, which I think calls for me to end a long standing friendship. Looking more to rant than anything else, as it's a miserable story.
Friend is someone I know through work, but we work for different companies. We had planned and paid for a day trip. I made all the arrangements. Friend was going to drive and I pre paid for parking in the city and tickets for a show. 2 hours drive away. We were due to leave this AM. Friend gets in touch at 5pm yesterday asking me to meet her at her partners at 4am.
I spoke to them at 5.30pm and refused, as this was not our agreement, and I was not prepared to drive to a new address in the middle of the night and leave my car there. Also I said they had only sent me a postcode which was dismissed (so effectively driving to a postcode with no house number) she said to look out for her car! Bear in mind again this would have been the middle of the night.
Friend reminded me they were having tests for cancer ( one of the reasons for the trip) and I was not being understanding. Friend also said if I did not want to leave my car I could meet her in the city, again I did not see why I should do this as I'd paid for her car parking but then to take my own (for which I'd also have to sort parking) I said I was still wanting to go, was ready, and looking forward but would not be driving to the partial address given or the city. Multiple messages between us ending with friend then saying it was getting too stressful and to 'just leave it'
Spoken to my sister, who is baffled how someone can drive 2 hours to another city but not 20 minutes to pick me up. Also is stumped why I would only be sent a postcode for the partner (who I have only met once)
Further context- I had sent the parking confirmation yesterday morning and friend responded with a thumbs up emoji. No other comments or messages until 5pm.
If I had been asked at that point in the morning to drive to her home I would have or taken a train into the city, I would 100% have been flexible. However so late on the day before left me no option for public transport, paying more for my own car parking or being bullied to do what friend was asking.
My view is they have gone to see their partner who had advised her to not bother picking me up, and instruct me to come to his address.
I'm feeling really disappointed, more that friend has come across in the call and message as I am being unreasonable when all I wanted/expected was to stick to the original agreement, or at least to have had reasonable notice of a change.
Background info- I have been told at a recent conference by someone else in our field that she left her last company because of complaints of bullying towards junior staff last year. This fits for me in that I know her current job has meant a pay drop for her. I'm putting this in to give a sense of others view of her. Again never affected me but I have seen that side of her this weekend.
Curious what others would do in this situation based purely on what's happened, and written here.
Thankyou for reading.

Sounds like you ard both being a bit awkward. But I agree that Last minute change of plans are annoying.

@Windfallwasps
I think you are right it does sound like the tests were on the same day.
Maybe the friend just wanted to get the tests out of the way and go home again? tho She could have just said that I guess.

that the op is shocked that other people leave their locked cars near strangers , suggests a sensitivity and liking for drama that thankfully most of us don’t possess.

I am intrigued though op - if ever you leave a car in a car park or road side, do you get the contact details of everyone within a km?

Why in gods name would you want to meet at 4am if you don’t have to? That sounds horrible. Then you’ll be too tired to enjoy the show. I’d be falling asleep by the time it started. And yes the no house number thing is weird given the house is on a terrace

Why didn’t you go on your own or take someone else?

4am? With no full address? Was she high? Drunk?

No. I wouldn't entertain her nonsense.

I don't understand why you would piss about with train tickets and not just drive. You seem to like making things difficult. But you could explain the 4am start. So you've lost over £200 because you didn't want to pay for parking?

Still can’t work out what’s going on. Get your ducks in a row. LTB.

I don’t think either of you are coming out of this particularly well. You’re both acting like a pair of teenagers who have become sworn enemies for life because one of you broke the other’s eyebrow pencil and didn’t replace it.

Do either of you actually want to go anymore? Because your refusal to park your car outside someone’s house because you don’t know them is insane. Do you never park on the street? And the ease with which she was willing to cancel because it was all getting too complicated, when it actually wasn’t complicated at all, makes me wonder whether both of you have changed your minds about going but neither of you want to be the first to admit it.

It's certainly all a bit bizarre I agree. Her friend does sound a bit odd not giving an address. Why wouldn't you? It's a bit cloak and daggers at dawn? But why meet at 4am? That's so very early. Do people really think a day out is worth a 4am rise? I'd pay £200 just to stay in bed at that time of day. Wild horses wouldn't get me out of bed at that time.

It's definitely a bit odd not to give you an address, surely that's the first thing you should know 😂

Yeah, I don’t understand why she’s so reluctant to give the address. I mean, the OP would see what house her friend came out of, so why she’s being so cagey about it, I don’t know. Unless the boyfriend is dodgy and the OP is known for being able to get a full history from Google with just his address and knowing that he likes pizza?

And I think the early start is so they can drive two hours, get parked and have breakfast, then have from 8am until their show starts at 2 to have a mooch about.

In your shoes I’d have called or replied along the lines of ‘why do you want to leave at 4am you loon - we’re already leaving madly early?! Sorry, no. I can come over at 6.15 - what’s the house number?’

I suspect it was all engineered by the friend and her boyfriend to get the friend out of the trip. I doubt the friend will be reimbursing OP for the £100 paid for friend’s ticket.

Odd not to give you the address, how would seeing her car parked on the road help you know which of a row of terraced doors to knock at? 4am isn’t a time fof mythical quests imo, 4 am is a time for clear directions and full information.

My best guess is that she was planning to pop out of the mystery house as soon as you arrived and “suggest” that you might as well do the driving since you were already awake and no point you parking and changing cars etc.

Yeah this

But you both are coming across like 7 year olds to be perfectly honest

My house doesn't have a door number, looking for my beat up old car outside would be the obvious signifier it was my house.

I don't understand the issue that you don't know her partner? Surely you don't know everyone that you park your car close to?

The fact she was driving the 2hr journey, it doesn't seem unreasonable that you drive to her - you could catch up on sleep in the car.

Although - I am also confused why you were leaving at 4am....

It can also be very difficult to determine house numbers on a terrace, a car can be the best indicator, but you’d just call when you got there.

This whole thing sounds mad. Go, don’t go. It really doesn’t matter

It's the 4 am that's unreasonable to me. What time was she meant to be picking you up at?

Surely if you had to get up in the middle of the night you'd be exhausted for the actual event, and the drive back later.

Did you miss the reference to being there at 4 a.m. instead of the agreed meeting time of 6 am?

Sorry just re-read and you were meant to set off at 6am, assuming that that is the time she was getting to you?

So if you were expected to pick her up at 4am then you would have to get up at least by 3am? She is being completely unreasonable, as by the time you get to see the show you'd probably be feeling quite tired, and probably not alert enough for the drive home. I'd be annoyed too at someone messing around like this.

I'm chuckling at the outrage about the 4am, this did not faze me. Il explain- my friend is an early riser. She is up from 4/5am, even jogging in the summer then. She also said she wanted time to stop at services for a coffee. So I truly did not mind being up and ready for that time.
Lots of people dont understand about my reluctance to drive to bf house. I'm not sure how to be clearer. I live in town A, friend lives in town B, partner in Town C. I drive to town C, leave the car there and go off on a day trip over 100 miles away. Do people drive to a random road leave their car there and go off for the day, because I dont know anyone irl that does that. Ofcourse my friend leaves her car there, because she's in a relationship with a resident, and she is in the house, not off in another city. Although someone has also suggested maybe the play was I turn up and she says I may as well drive, which I hadn't thought of.
Some of you lovely posters have also said why I just did not go. My DH said he would come so we use the tickets booked, and change the parking for his car, but we would have needed someone to watch our children, which would have been impossible to arrange at such short notice for a bank holiday weekend.
I'm cataloguing this as a lesson learned.