AIBU to end a friendship after last-minute changes to our trip?

[Porridgepudding]

Hi mumsnet, I have a dilemma, which I think calls for me to end a long standing friendship. Looking more to rant than anything else, as it's a miserable story.
Friend is someone I know through work, but we work for different companies. We had planned and paid for a day trip. I made all the arrangements. Friend was going to drive and I pre paid for parking in the city and tickets for a show. 2 hours drive away. We were due to leave this AM. Friend gets in touch at 5pm yesterday asking me to meet her at her partners at 4am.
I spoke to them at 5.30pm and refused, as this was not our agreement, and I was not prepared to drive to a new address in the middle of the night and leave my car there. Also I said they had only sent me a postcode which was dismissed (so effectively driving to a postcode with no house number) she said to look out for her car! Bear in mind again this would have been the middle of the night.
Friend reminded me they were having tests for cancer ( one of the reasons for the trip) and I was not being understanding. Friend also said if I did not want to leave my car I could meet her in the city, again I did not see why I should do this as I'd paid for her car parking but then to take my own (for which I'd also have to sort parking) I said I was still wanting to go, was ready, and looking forward but would not be driving to the partial address given or the city. Multiple messages between us ending with friend then saying it was getting too stressful and to 'just leave it'
Spoken to my sister, who is baffled how someone can drive 2 hours to another city but not 20 minutes to pick me up. Also is stumped why I would only be sent a postcode for the partner (who I have only met once)
Further context- I had sent the parking confirmation yesterday morning and friend responded with a thumbs up emoji. No other comments or messages until 5pm.
If I had been asked at that point in the morning to drive to her home I would have or taken a train into the city, I would 100% have been flexible. However so late on the day before left me no option for public transport, paying more for my own car parking or being bullied to do what friend was asking.
My view is they have gone to see their partner who had advised her to not bother picking me up, and instruct me to come to his address.
I'm feeling really disappointed, more that friend has come across in the call and message as I am being unreasonable when all I wanted/expected was to stick to the original agreement, or at least to have had reasonable notice of a change.
Background info- I have been told at a recent conference by someone else in our field that she left her last company because of complaints of bullying towards junior staff last year. This fits for me in that I know her current job has meant a pay drop for her. I'm putting this in to give a sense of others view of her. Again never affected me but I have seen that side of her this weekend.
Curious what others would do in this situation based purely on what's happened, and written here.
Thankyou for reading.

Gosh there are much bigger problems in life, she is already driving 2 hours, why not just drive to her partners to make life easier for her? Just ask for the house number ffs. YABU

At 4am on a terrace street - I don't fancy the chances of getting parking. I think your friend was unreasonable and her lack of clarity on where you were supposed to be going annoying.
I hate it when people make sudden changes to plans that incovenience you and who wants to travel at 4am.

She actually had no intention of driving tbh, as soon as you would have driven to her, she would have jumped in your car and made excuses about being too poorly etc. So that would have meant you have paid for fuel and parking..

Couldn’t OP have parked in her friend’s spot as soon as it was vacated? Might have had to stay in the car for a few minutes and ring her to come out.
OP has clarified that the time wasn’t a problem for her.

I think you are both being unreasonable.

Her because she has changed the plans last minute but mainly you, because you are insistent nobody leaves their car in a random place for the day when

a) it isn't a random place, its her partners house, she isn't asking you to park your car in some sort of dodgy side street in a gang ridden inner city tower block, its a terraced street in your (fairly) local area that you will then be driven back to and

b) this is a completely normal thing to do! Have you really never parked your car in a side when there isnt (or you dont want to pay the for!) a car park when going to a job interview, for work, dentist appt or just visiting a new place?
I've left my car loads of random side streets, business parks, wherever when lift sharing etc.

Ideally she would have asked you a bit earlier but if my friend had asked me "actually im staying at x's tonight so are you okay to meet me there instead of me coming to you" I would have had absolutely no issue. If she is doing the majority of the driving id be happy to do something that makes it easier for her.

The only unreasonable/weird part of her request is the 4am but as you've said that's normal for the both of you that's irrelevant.

Also YABU by insisting "nobody you know" leaves their car anywhere they dont live or haven't visited multiple times already (not sure how they leave it the first time in that case) or whatever weird criteria you use to decide what would be a "safe" place.

Firstly because youre being ridiculous, of course they do!
Secondly because how on earth can you make a mas generalisation about the parking habits of "everyone you know" - have you asked them? I don't know the exact intricate details of where my sister or best friend is happy to park, let alone every single one of my friends, family members, work colleagues and acquaintances. You must have some very boring conversations if you've got nothing better to interrogate people about!

I think you nailed it in one. Friend had zero intention of driving.

I keep returning to this thread to read the theories and wildly different opinions, it’s been an education.

If you’re on, OP, I really need a diagram of the positions and routes between your town, friend’s boyfriend’s town, and show town

Yes OP, please come back and update us!

Sounds like you might be a little difficult to deal with as well. Plans change. Why be so inflexible?

You sound like hard work. Your friend was driving you, you should have just gone to the partners postcode, parked and given her a ring when you got there. It really wasn’t a big deal. Plans change all the time. You’ve now lost money, lost a day out you were looking forward to and probably a friend.

I think you are being unreasonable. Just ask for the full address? Seems like such a small thing to get your knickers in a twist about.

I'd be the one dumping you for being so inflexible. What a load of shit you can't drive to her partners 15 mins away when she was driving you for 2 hours. Get your head out your arse and be reasonable. You sound like a princess and super hard work.

Is it a really rough area or a really ostentatious car? People leave their cars in places all the time. Do you really only go anywhere if there's a secure car park?

And why do you need to book public transport in advance?

The only bit that's weird about what she asked is the 4am bit but you seem OK with that.

This all feels completely made up.

Did you not ask for a house number? Did she refuse to give it?

A show in a city doesn’t start at 6am. What are you doing at that time?

Feel you’re being dramatic.

I don’t understand this.
if your friend was driving the two hours to the city you were visiting, surely the least you could do is drive to meet her before setting off together.
when driving to the city, would your friend drive past you home? Or would she have to go well out of her way to get you? I think that context matters here.
also if a friend asked me to meet somewhere and sent me the postcode, I’d simply respond “okay cool, what’s the house number? See you tomorrow!”
I don’t understand how you could possibly end a friendship over this? 🤣 YABU

You’re being very weird about your car, is there a backstory here?

Do people drive to a random road leave their car there and go off for the day

Yes it’s called parking a car.

What on earth? Why can't you drive 20 mins? She's already driving 2 hrs. There would be no situation where I'd find myself expecting someone else to fetch me when theyre already doing all the driving. What's your problem? What difference does it make with it being 4am?? You are unreasonable!!

You both sound nuts and quite frankly if you were writing about this about me on MN I’d be happy you cut me off!

i agree it’s inconvenient to change the plans last minute but you seem to be only seeing your side of this so I think you are being unreasonable.

if your friend has to go out the way to pick you up you are definitely being even more unreasonable, if your house is on route then she is being unreasonable.

I would never dream of letting one of my friends drive 20 mins out of the way to pick me up when I am capable of driving to theirs or meeting on the way.

and this whole thing of driving and parking in a random place, just absolutely crazy, do you never go anywhere you have never been before??

I agree the postcode is vague but I would have just called when I got there.

you have caused a scene over nothing. Even if said friend has been flaky before, in isolation of this incident what she is asking is not too much

Yes are you alway so inflexible ? Its a slight change

ending friendship that you were have a day trip over slight change is dramatic

Also you have not answered anyone questions, so we can establish who is most unreasonable here, mostly only replied to those that agree with you.

You sound like hard work

I think the OP has long since left her thread and won’t be back.

I know plenty of people that drive somewhere in the dark and leave their car there. What happens when you go to the show and park one of the cars in a random car park all day. That seems to be ok.

I get the annoyance but parking your car on a street seems to be the most ridiculous reason for getting annoyed.
Ending a friendship over that is bat shit