This is bonkers mummy behaviour

[constantnc]

At the pool. Waiting on kids in swim lesson.

There is a mummy walking/following her 2 year old around..
Both soaked from swimming,
are you choosing a cubicle? Which one do you want? Joe mummy wants to go home...I know you want to stay....why are you walking around the changing room, no treat now, come on go in there, let's go let's go....he's now wailing while mummy is narrating the whole thing while following him around the communal room.

Ffs pick him up and take him into a cubicle...aibu?

We are now on you are tired after your swimming lesson, I know, let's get changed now....still carrying the swim bags around the room 🫣

My brother was like this with my nephew. I’d have all 3 under 5s in the car toileted and strapped in while db was negotiating with his son to stop playing please… fuck that. Tickle under the arms, up and out into the car we go before my three stop being angels and all kick off that their cousin is playing while they wait in the car getting bored. Nephew is now 12 and a total brat. I walk away and leave db to it. The irony is db was the most highly strung person I know pre dc.

Yes! I imagine Dereks mum would be exactly the same in the pool changing rooms 😂

Some people need to get a grip - they’re the grown ups so they should act like it grrrr.
If my kids said ‘Why’ when I told them to do something I said ‘because I say so’ . Even now they send me jokey reels about what my face looked like when I was taking no messing…. Usually a ‘look’ was enough. But then I worked full time in a stressful job - there often wasn’t time for negotiations.
They went away to uni but have chosen to come back and live around the corner and we see each other almost daily - so I couldn’t have been that bad !
ps swimming lessons were my worse nightmare - think Motherland.

I met one of those parents walking around John Lewis, her child was having a tantrum and she was saying 'ow darling are you having big feelings?' I couldn't help but snigger. I assumed this was a middle class thing. Never heard that kind of talk in our playground, it's normally 'stop being a squinny'.

Are you having “big feelings” wtaf 😱

what a stupid and weird thing to say!!! I’d have laughed loudly

love this happened in John Lewis not primark 🤣
more of a “Kylie get her now otherwise we’re not going to macdonalds” 🤣

Well, some parents seem not to believe in just telling their kid what to do. They have to ASK, and CHECK, and make sure that little Timmy approves before anything is done. That seems to be the modern way. I know not everyone does it, but so many do.

I no longer have young kids but all my siblings do, and some of the stuff I see is so disappointing. When did 3 year olds start to get to call the shots?

Well yes, it sounds a bit like softly softly catchy monkey. She probably knows he's going to kick off. Mines a bit like that, hence we don't go anywhere that she can show me up. If you say the wrong thing, or in the wrong tone it's a screaming crying meltdown. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you follow the kid around trying to persuade them to come nicely in a soft voice, you get judged and mocked. If you swoop them up after unsuccessfully trying to get them to comply and they meltdown, or you manhandle them or God forbid raise your voice out of frustration you get judged. Our visits to public places are very limited unfortunately and it's not my parenting, it's the child's personality. The older sibling has impeccable behaviour in public.

Do people on here really think they've made the correct parenting decision in the moment every time? Or not gone through stages of trying different parenting styles because what you've been doing isn't working? Or are we truly all to believe that you hit the nail on the head immediately, every time, with all your children? And your children have never refused, or never negotiated every single thing. I still didn't know what the fuck I was doing with a 2 year old except my best.

I remember an episode of Location, Location, Location. Couple couldn't decide on a house and decided to see which house their toddler liked best ..Kirstys face was a picture...

My SIL uses some aspects of gentle parenting, her husband, my DB no. If I’m ever taking nephew out (7) he knows by now (and so he should do) that when I say out of the playground in 5, I mean it! That goes for whoever is saying it. His brother who’s 2.5 is a bit harder to work out/coax and he’s only recently started talking properly, in sentences. But he knows when to go home and is quite good at following instructions.

Wtaf?!

The most my mum did the other day in the park was notice my toddler nephew was cold whilst waiting and asked him if he wanted to go home instead of watching his older brother play football. I think he even said he wanted to go home, politely. No need to check twice or go into detail. And he loves being at home so win win.

Now now it was rude to snigger (joking).

That’s not gentle parenting. That’s permissive parenting.

My nephew (7), says he doesn’t like his teacher because he shouts sometimes. I’m not bloody surprised, especially the way my nephew can act up at times. The other day we were walking to a music class from the school (nephew kicking stones) and nephew asks me if there was the cane when we were young and did teachers throw rubbers (chalk ones). I had to say well no but it was in our school for older pupils and yes your dad had the rubber thrown. He’d read about this (caning?) in Peter Pan.

I think people are often more afraid of losing their temper than a tantrum itself. Because it is generally socially unacceptable to do many of the more authoritarian things my parent's generation would've relied on - shouting, smacking, shaming etc.

When you've been parented like that it is somewhat coded into you and most of the gen x and millennial parents I know are working hard to respond differently. I expect this can lead to some very passive and permissive parenting because people struggle to be authoritative or don't feel as confident with it publicly.

I think it could be gentle parenting but also a mum who just has no clue and a bit out of their depth

Giving children some choice is a good thing, imo, @Commecicommeca26 - but giving them total control isn’t - and it sounds as if that is what was happening here. For example, it is fine to ask a child if they want strawberries or apple as a snack, but not to let them loose in Tesco with free licence to choose whatever snack they want.

She could have said “Which cubicle shall we go in, Joe - this one or that one? If you don’t choose, mummy will choose.” And then follow through if Joe carries on faffing.

It's not a complex choice to say to a kid in a supermarket 'will we get beans or peas for with our sausages' and chat to a child about what you're getting when getting groceries.

Let me guess, he's called Sonny.

Absolutely. "We pick our battles" 🙄

If a mum has a single 2 yr old a d has only been swimming with them once or twice she's maybe just still getting used to it all. Worried about tantrums in family changing rooms etc. give her a break, she's taken a 2 yr old swimming, drying and dressing kids while cold and wet yourself, it's absolutely no fun!

Can we not give parents a bit of time to adjust to a situation? We have to post on the internet that a mum was struggling to get them sorted after a swim? Probably the sort of judgement she was worried about if he tantrummed. Then all the cultures run in with their 'oh wait till he's at school, oh he'll be in jail, how will he work in society...' FFS he's 2.

Yeah that's what it sounds like. A new mum figuring out how to get a toddler dressed after swimming

This is my relatives. Sometimes they have to stay in the park for hours on end until he is ready to leave. They once waited to cross a road for 45 mins as he didn’t want to cross. They say that he does what he wants, but that’s because they have allowed it. It’s madness and lord knows how he will cope with actual rules in school.

Yes I remember that WTF! 🤬