This is bonkers mummy behaviour

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At the pool. Waiting on kids in swim lesson.

There is a mummy walking/following her 2 year old around..
Both soaked from swimming,
are you choosing a cubicle? Which one do you want? Joe mummy wants to go home...I know you want to stay....why are you walking around the changing room, no treat now, come on go in there, let's go let's go....he's now wailing while mummy is narrating the whole thing while following him around the communal room.

Ffs pick him up and take him into a cubicle...aibu?

We are now on you are tired after your swimming lesson, I know, let's get changed now....still carrying the swim bags around the room 🫣

She was probably tired, taking a toddler swimming is hard work. I hope OP and the other posters being so judgemental are getting their little kicks and feeling of superiority they need from judging a parent for such a minor error. You really do see the worst of people on this site.

If it's going to be a faff getting changed after swimming, I'd rather it was a faff because we spent five minutes choosing a cubicle than a faff because I didn't let my overtired toddler choose and they went rigid with rage, screamed the whole time we were getting changed, and refused the snack that would have made them feel better.

I think that's a legitimate parenting choice when a child is probably tired, cold, hungry and uncomfortable - doing something you know will tip them over the edge probably won't teach them much.

This thread should form part of a quiz. Which posters can you spot who work as a teacher or in another childcare setting?!

Oh gosh! I’ve met Joe now aged 12. Unfortunately he was my son’s best friend at the time. I invited him for tea and he was a little shit. When his Dad came to pick him up we had at least 20-25 mins of ‘Joe let’s go’ ‘Joe it’s time to go’ etc etc. I think eventually I snapped and picked up Joe’s stuff and told my son to say ‘goodbye’ and walked to the door with Joe’s stuff in my hand otherwise they’d still be here now!

His parents were for ever at the school complaining how unfairly treated their son was. Apparently the school were also unreasonable for expressing concerns and calling them in when he wrote a letter in French to a mythical French pen pal (a class exercise) stating he hated him and if he saw him he would stab them to death. According to Joe’s parents that was just boys being boys and the school were being totally unreasonable. The school eventually refused to allow him into six form after being caught with drugs in the fifth form.

Thankfully my son saw the light and they stopped being friends with him.

You’re seeing her this time- maybe she’s tried the pick up thing and he’s tried to wriggle out, had meltdowns etc, maybe she’s bottom of the barrel exhausted and can’t pick him up or bear having everyone give her filthy looks because he’ll scream so loud. I’ve done all iterations over the years and people judge you for everything

Sounds like she was conflicted between getting changed and home, and letting him explore a bit. Toddler like to wander around, it's what they do.

I've had the same experience. Gentle (not permissive) parenting of my 16 and 18 yo. Never any behaviour issues, lovely, respectful young adults doing well at school. Their peers who had strict parents who would berate them in public are the ones who ended up angry, rebellious teens doing drugs and getting excluded.
I find it surprising when people say children are worse these days too, especially teachers. I wonder how long they have been in the profession. I was in school in the 90s/early 00s and seen teachers get shouted at by pupils and even one get physically assaulted. Pupils were smoking on the premises and walking off school grounds without a care in the world. There were daily fights between pupils that needed breaking up by staff, fire alarms getting broken for the fun of an evacuation. People always seem to think the current generation is so much worse than ones of the past but I'm not sure they ever are.

Yep plus manhandling my toddler just wasn't something I ever wanted to do.

Mothers just can't do anything right at all. If she'd picked him up and he started screaming people would still be judging her and making snide predictions about future behaviour.

This reminds me of a thread I read on here once where the dad took an hour to leave a playdate because he asked the 5 year old if she wanted to go and she didn't 😂

Tantrums are annoying for the parents and other people. BUT, sometimes a parent has to get on with and if a tantrum follows then that is how it is. It is stressful, I've been there many times. I offer, if practical, to look after a strangers shopping /dog while they sort the kid out. I tell them to ignore random strangers staring and tutting, they are irrelevant in what they think.

Yep this drives me to distraction too. The worst case of ‘gentle parenting’ I have seen was a mum at my eldest DC’s primary school. Her son was frankly a menace- constantly in trouble at school, one day even took a screwdriver into school and ran around the playground threatening other children with it.

The mum was (I’m sorry there’s no better word for this) pathetic. She had this meek little infantile voice and when he did something out of order she’d just be like “oh “Jack” let’s not do this”. Jack could be holding the entire school hostage and she’d still be there pathetically asking him not to do it.

But 'would you like to buy red apples or green ones DS?' is not the same thing as making the poor (probably tired) child take control of the situation.

'Would you like this cubicle or that one? ' could be an appropriate choice. Wandering round dripping wet for ages while you both get cold and pissed off isn't sensible or fair on the child.

Child probably doesn't realise that the reason he's upset is that he's cold, hungry and tired and the way to fix that is to get changed, have a snack and go home. He just knows he's uncomfortable right now and he needs mummy to sort it out.

Age appropriate choices and chat are great.

Making toddlers take control of entire scenarios is not developmentally appropriate.

Having said that, some kids are naturally 'non compliant' and make a fight out of the smallest thing, but that doesn't sound like what the OP described. .

Exactly re gentle parenting - boundaries and rules are a fundamental part of gentle parenting.

Both extremes - permissive and authoritarian - aren't really that common. Most people in my experience are some combination of gentle and authoritative parents. And most mothers of toddlers are somewhere between tired and falling down exhausted.

It's clear a lot of people are still cats arsing about gentle parenting without bothering to know what it is.

Your voice of experience sounds more like guesswork with a massive side helping of prejudice. ☹️ ADHD is a significant diagnosis - not something to take the piss over.

Madness

That's not gentle parenting.

Insane. Sometimes I feel I parented in a different universe 🙄

I don't think this was taking the piss (I have 2 ND children).

But we all know THAT parent who insists their kid is ND/has some other issue that means they can't possibly be expected to behave. And if they do get a diagnosis they can't have a conversation without mentioning it.

There is a type of parent who does this.

My kids are teens now but I remember those swimming lesson days. Loved them (miss them). One thing I've never forgotten though is when DD and I were in a cubicle after swimming lesson. Next door cubicle also occupied by mum and DS (who I hadn't seen just heard next door). The boy started screaming and crying non stop. It felt like there was a crying going out of control little tasmanian devil next door, whilst she was trying to get them both changed. For ages. the mum trying to pacify him, calm down its ok what's wrong come on its ok please etc etc for a bit longer. Then suddenly silence, pause then
'Mummy, why are you crying?'. I then heard her sobbing.
Oh I felt for that mum. I wasn't sure what to do or if I should say something in solidarity through the cubicle, like we've all been there or do you fancy a coffee? But in the end I decided she might rather just get on and not be noticed as such. I often wonder did I do the right thing to just carry on and leave our cubicle to go home.

What would anyone else have done?

The wailing continued into a cubicle...while they i assume dried and dressed. The wailing left the room.
Meanwhile I was sat in a closed cubicle thinking that was 20 minutes of 'what the f was that?!'

I am sure that I read somewhere that letting a young child make all the choices put them in the impossible position of leading the family when they don’t even know what they want themselves, which in turn makes children incredibly anxious and insecure.

That’s a parent gently abdicating parenting on favour of her little child.

Gentle parenting is a load of rubbish
it doesn’t work and creates entitled snowflakes
parents should parent - no pander

OP, there is more than one way to skin a cat. I was probably more on the gentle parenting side of things. My DCs are adults now. They both worked very hard at school, behaved very well and both have jobs. DC1 graduated with a 1st and works full time. DC2 is a student and probably will also get a 1st, despite the fact that they work about 20 hours a week in paid work during term time (and more in the holidays). Both are decent people with friends, hobbies and generally very responsible.

Joe’s mum may be useless but equally she may well understand exactly what works for Joe. It’s impossible for any of us to know based on this little snippet.

Poor Joe. He’s thinking “please mummy - just make the decision”.

That faint popping sound you can hear is Alanis Morrissette exploding.