This is bonkers mummy behaviour

[constantnc]

At the pool. Waiting on kids in swim lesson.

There is a mummy walking/following her 2 year old around..
Both soaked from swimming,
are you choosing a cubicle? Which one do you want? Joe mummy wants to go home...I know you want to stay....why are you walking around the changing room, no treat now, come on go in there, let's go let's go....he's now wailing while mummy is narrating the whole thing while following him around the communal room.

Ffs pick him up and take him into a cubicle...aibu?

We are now on you are tired after your swimming lesson, I know, let's get changed now....still carrying the swim bags around the room 🫣

This or that one is fine for a choice for a toddler.
Would you like to get out of the bath or shall we take the buggy is not appropriate.

Exactly, at that age they need to have an adult taking control in what is essentially a no choice situation, when you are out of the pool you have to get dried and dressed. This can be done in a "gentle" way just as you say "we've had a lovely time in the water now we have to get changed so we can go and get a drink when we are done"

So what happens when an older person (like me) has mobility issues? I have bad knees/ankles/feet occasionally and cannot always move fast out of badly parented children. Other people have to use walking aids/mobility scooters in narrow walkways. I see parents on their phones and children running around roads, paths, zebra crossings. Sheer madness on the parents' part.

All I can say is Look After Your Children, put the phone down, concentrate on the situations around you. Parent Your Child.

Pandering is not gentle parenting. I don’t think you have the remotest understanding of what gentle parenting actually is. It’s not this fucking soft parent where we ask
our children to “make the right choices”

I was a gentle parent and my (now almost adult) children will tell you that I had very firm
boundaries. My youngest is almost 18 and still asks if he can go out next Saturday 🙄.

Depends on the choice orange juice or gin

this is NOT how gentle parenting is done! In gentle parenting there is guidance and firmness. This is permissive parenting - let them do what they want

Each to their own but I absolute wouldn’t entertain that sort of shit the OP described and neither would the majority of people on the thread!

With these choices it has to be Gin (a very large one) Every Time!

This is a really good point too
All kids need direction
That mother needs to get a grip, get her child sorted and sort herself out it’s not rocket science.

Honestly the things you hear never cease to amaze!

Neither would I, that’s what I’m trying to say. This shit is not gentle parenting. It’s barely fucking parenting at all!

WTF 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I can understand that to an extent but tantruming is a normal part of development that will help the foxchild learn about rules and disappointment.
It was quite late in the day and the man kept talking about mummy at home so I was imagining this woman staring at the clock with dinner on the table and two empty chairs 😂

Yes and sadly that poor child isn’t ever going to learn
it’s quite sad really

Was waiting for the loo and heard the lady in the only working one saying to her child… and let’s now count to 40 …. after flushing… and then after that had been achieved very very slowly, and how do you write 39? Silence for another minute before they came out. The child can’t have been been more than two. Performative parenting in the loo.

When mine were little I used to chuck them over my shoulder and joke that I don't negotiate with tiny terrorists.

Of course it's important to give your children choices but not all the time
There are times you just need to pick them up and deal with things.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

This type of peranting was around 20 years ago though a minority.

Now it seems ridulously common.

I'd have picked a cubicle and coxaed them in -if a firm voice was going to set them off - often a brisk firm this is happening with phyical guiding goes down well and avoids the over tired tantrum later with too many choices- a happy lets pick this one can you find your bag - where's that going on the bench - can you find your towel.

I did eye roll when my three DC got into cubicle got changed before and after swim session - after nearly two years of practise and prompting this was automatic from them - a mother liked this kept on to me I was so lucky - same with manners I'm lucky not years of work and gentle remibnders and modling expected behavior myself - just pure luck.

I do in more middle class araes see a lot of DGP biting their tounges or losing patience and trying to step in - though given my late teens disparaging attitude towards such behavior I do wonder if they'll end up doing it themselves.

Edited as mis read post.

Absolutely. Gentle parenting isn't being a pushover or taking no action as a parent.
This is pathetic.
Tell the child option A or B
Tell them they can't walk around wet
Let them choose: shower now or rinse and shower at home. Vest or pants on first? By all means encourage them to dress themselves.
But stop arsing around

Interesting point - people talking about their own parenting might find their adult children have different ideas about that.

Its not gentle parenting its permissive parenting.

I have a 2yo. After a swim lesson its right let's go into that cubicle to get dry. Do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you? You can give choice without being a walk over.

I remember a neighbours dc like this 40 years ago. Treated like a little emperor, no boundaries. He went to school and absolutely thrived on the clear rules and firm boundaries.

Schools these days don’t have much in the way of boundaries either. I have an adult diagnosis of autism, and excelled in academic environments but I would struggle in today’s classrooms. Rates of anxiety and school refusal have soared but we’re told it’s all so much better than it was. I’m only talking about the 80s, and no corporal punishment or anything like that. I didn’t need ear defenders because classrooms were much quieter and calmer. I’ve met a lot of parents like me who got diagnosed after their dc did, and their dc’s diagnosis was because they can’t cope well in school.

Even at university level now it’s completely different - a collaborative learning environment where the lecturers can’t just bloody tell you what you need to know, but tries to elicit it from a discussion that gets dominated by Larry Loud Mouth while the lecturer nervously tries to guide the topic back on track without offending Larry because every opinion is equally valid. .

There was also more authority everywhere in the past. Weak parents told their little Joes to behave because the traffic warden…because the librarian…because the usher… because the shop keeper… Now nobody is willing to assert any boundary (and it’s not fair to expect a minimum wage worker to risk the consequences of confronting someone).

I loved libraries as a child because they were quiet, and felt safe. There were adults in charge, keeping an eye. My autistic ds hates them because they are too noisy to concentrate and full of dc climbing up the brightly coloured furniture, shrieking, barking dogs and occasionally anti social adults, while the librarians hide up at the desk behind a glass wall.

I don’t think parenting is any worse than it ever was - some are effective, some are weak but there’s no social authority to absorb the shortfall.

If anyone has TikTok, there’s a great account called Natalie funny mum bestie who does a wet flannel parent impression which sounds a lot like this 😂 I love her videos

Is that darling Derek with the big emoshuns?

I hear that about the libraries. I was the same and loved the clear rules and the silence. Actually now the loudest people in it are the staff, yapping about fuck all.