This is bonkers mummy behaviour

[constantnc]

At the pool. Waiting on kids in swim lesson.

There is a mummy walking/following her 2 year old around..
Both soaked from swimming,
are you choosing a cubicle? Which one do you want? Joe mummy wants to go home...I know you want to stay....why are you walking around the changing room, no treat now, come on go in there, let's go let's go....he's now wailing while mummy is narrating the whole thing while following him around the communal room.

Ffs pick him up and take him into a cubicle...aibu?

We are now on you are tired after your swimming lesson, I know, let's get changed now....still carrying the swim bags around the room 🫣

@Northermcharn oh how sad. I'd probably have just said aloud "you've got this mum" and just left it at that. Sometimes just being acknowledged is enough but not making a big song and dance about it. I had a wriggly DD that I was trying to get into a trolley at a supermarket the once. It was chucking it down with rain and she was being a very defiant 2 year old and I felt everyone was staring. Out of nowhere a middle aged woman came over with a trolley and a quick "take this one it's dry and I've finished with it" was enough on what was a very challenging day.

Yep. Whatever you do youre made to feel like absolute shit. I feel bad for her.

This is really true. I have a friend who totally spoilt her daughter and the child was a brat. But now she is in her 20's and is a really lovely young woman. I was considered stricter than some of my friends and I've no doubt at times I was judged for that. I too have 2 children in their 20's who are well adapted adults who I am very close with. In reality I think being loved and cared for is the true indicator of how you turn out, not your day to day parenting style.

That dc will hate swimming.. He'll associate it with being wet and cold for bloody ages after the lesson..

I’m aware of that, the original comment about choices in supermarkets didn’t say anyone was letting a toddler run the shop so I took this as offering choices and involving them as I do with mine in age appropriate manners.

I often wonder the same, people raised in the 1970s claim to be raised with almost no supervision and possibly they were but now growing up and as parents all the ones I know were clearly into helicopter parenting.

I don't know what that means?

Or are you saying because I mentioned having ND kids I'm one of those parents?

Oh. OK.

Poor kid probably desperately wanted to be home but didn't know how to make it happen.

And you think that's this mum, based on one interaction with her toddler through the lens of someone posting on an internet forum.

The absolute epitome of judgemental pish.

It’s a ridiculously massive leap and came across as rather sarcastic to suggest that Joe would be getting an ADHD diagnosis.

Like everyone I’ve had epic failures and total embarrassment; but when mine were 2 and playing up they would get picked up and put down where they were supposed to be with no negotiation.

It is funny how everyone thinks their parenting is or was spot on though isn't it? And yet, guaranteed, someone will find fault with it.

I've seen worse like toddlers on screens, toddlers eating wotsits and drinking coke.

Fuck that. I’m the grown up. I’m in charge. You can’t give a little kid all the power. No wonder they’re growing up so entitled.

Agreed and also they need a choice when there reasonably is a choice they can make for their age. No small child needs to be choosing a cubicle or when they get changed after swimming, because it just needs doing and ideally asap. I think people think they're being kind but it's actually really stressful for children that their caregiver doesn't seem to know what they're doing and it looking to them to tell them what they're doing next every minute of the day.

I was a complete helicopter parent. DS is 19 lives away doing a software engineering degree apprenticeship, very good he is at it too.

I bed Joe will turn out just fine because he has a mum that really loves, supports and encourages him even if her approach is annoying to listen to.

Screens and wotsits are no bigger.
Drinking coke is depressing.

Think I met Joe and his mum on a 4hr plane ride, what a joyful experience that was.

Gosh this reminds me of a woman who let her toddler out of their buggy to lie in the middle of the floor on the tube and then kept telling him "you need to move, you're in people's way, they need to get off/on the train" as though we would all here it and think he was the problem rather than her being the one inconveniencing everyone (and also putting her kid in a really unsafe situation sliding around the floor of a train!).

Just what you can expect when you give children too many choices!

That is not gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is not letting your child faff around. This is a wet wipe from pretending to be a parent.

Not complex choices, but would you like this one or that one - if you don’t give them choices they never learn to make a decision. I work with so many people unable to make a decision for themselves. It’s infuriating.

My friend is like this. She can't bear for her child to be upset, ever. It's quite painful at times, like the regular half hour negotiation to get him in the pram to walk to the park (the park is a good 15-20 mins walk away at a brisk adult walking pace)

There was also the occasion she seemed annoyed when I wouldn't let him run around with a screwdriver. He was quite cross about it but somehow to me that seemed a preferable option to risking him falling over and skewering himself...

I just think some decisions are beyond small children as they aren't able to see the full picture - that's our job as adults.

I babysat one day and was left with a long list of suggested persuasion techniques to get him to put his shoes on - I just said, right Bob, time to put your shoes on and off we went 🤣**

** I do get that children are often more compliant with other people, my own are absolute masters of it 🤣

Agree, also think some people who moan about parents today are the ones who raised those who are now this generation of parents…. Are they imitating their parents parenting or trying to parent so very differently to what they experienced.

I have some sympathy for the mum- mine were sometimes little tinderboxes of emotional tiredness after a swim. I cycled through several approaches before realising that humour and distraction and countdowns worked well - such as getting them to come give me a cuddle and making them laugh before sweeping them up and into a cubicle of my choice, or saying they have five seconds to pick which one they want, or reminding them we need to get ready fast so we can go and find somewhere for a nice hot chocolate and getting them excited about the after. I have also been the snappy parent too, but trying to dress a melted down upset kid is not fun or quicker. Hopefully the parent finds their way soon. We are all learning as we go along.