This is bonkers mummy behaviour

[constantnc]

At the pool. Waiting on kids in swim lesson.

There is a mummy walking/following her 2 year old around..
Both soaked from swimming,
are you choosing a cubicle? Which one do you want? Joe mummy wants to go home...I know you want to stay....why are you walking around the changing room, no treat now, come on go in there, let's go let's go....he's now wailing while mummy is narrating the whole thing while following him around the communal room.

Ffs pick him up and take him into a cubicle...aibu?

We are now on you are tired after your swimming lesson, I know, let's get changed now....still carrying the swim bags around the room 🫣

Badly.

I could never be arsed with parenting like that. My eldest is 23 and there were some tedious parents like that then, but most people tended to just tell their children what to do.

I’ve raised all my children like that with no stress and no damage.

I am the parent, I am in charge, mainly to keep them safe.

Also, boundaries make children secure. They shouldn't be burdened with the responsibility of choice in that way.

Oh, absolutely fuck that. What about when he’s 15 and wants to smoke weed in the garden?

I see it all the time at our local park. Just tell them it’s time to go home, I don’t know why parents find that so hard. I’ve had to carry a tantruming toddler of mine away from the swings a few times, but that’s just what you have to do.

My ds 24 told me once (adult age) that he was a bit scared of me as a dc!! He added it was because whatever I said alway went!! He actually chose to live with me full time as a teen as opposed to No Rules df because he liked boundaries and wanted an actual parent. He breezed his 4 years in the army he said!! Would love to know how my old best mate's ds got on into adulthood when he ruled her home from age 10...

🤣

I think he is probably was just crying because he couldn’t scream at his ineffectual mother to tell him what to do because he didn’t have a clue.

I know, absolutely bonkers. There would be no way i’d be waiting hours for them to be ready to go home from the park. They looked at me in horror when I said I often had to hold mine in the pushchair with my knee when they went all stiff as they didn’t want to go in. When the story of not crossing the road for 45 mins was told, I asked why the parent didn’t pick him up and carry him across and was told ‘you can’t do that with him’. I try and hold my tongue as he is their child but after a 3 day visit I did make some comments!

I have often said I was a gentle parent but reading this kind of thing, I wasn’t. I just didn’t have a very shouty household, but I had boundaries. Not least, speaking to me respectfully. And I was in charge, not them. I do feel some of these parents are setting themselves up for a hellish teenage period. Friends often ask me what I did to have 2 teens who never caused me a days trouble and I said it was more luck, personality. But I also said that I put the work in years earlier re speaking to me respectfully. I do think that helped. I’m no expert but letting kids dictate everything is not good.

My ex friend parented like this. Her kid killed their guinea pig because she wouldn't say no to him under any circumstances.

I was never a "gentle" parent (70s). My DD said once to me "I saw what happened with DB and didn't do it". Job done then. She has parented her children beautifully and firmly, much better than me. They were a real joy to take anywhere and knew what boundaries were.

Having worked for years in a newsagents, I can tell you that the answer to this is because they are toddlers, so the answer will generally be the biggest bar of chocolate or bag of sweets they can see, or some other equally unsuitable option. The amount of parents who would lift up their child, in front of a vast selection of sweets, say 'what do you want?', then spend the next 10 minutes trying to negotiate them out of what they picked (the biggest thing) and/or trying to diffuse the resulting tantrum because they've then said no to what their child picked. Hold up 2 options people, both of which you'd be happy for them to have, and get them to pick between those options. It's too overwhelming for them otherwise.

shit parenting

Then when they're in yr10 and only achieving a Grade 3 equivalent it's all "can you make him revise, he doesn't listen to us" .

The thing about choices is you have to set expectations first. With my son I say you can get a small bar of chocolate today then he picks one out of the multiple bars. Or a small ice lolly. If he chooses a magnum or a giant bar of diary milk I remind him of the parameters. Rise and repeat every time. It works every time.

Fucking hell

Tbf it could just be a mother who's a bit fed up, suffering sensory overload and wants the whole miserable swimming with small children experience to end but can't quite summon the energy to make it happen. I've definitely been in this situation when at the playground, worn out after a long week, and I say to my child "we need to go" and they say "just five more minutes, mummy" and, half an hour later, we're still there. I could put a stop to it and fireman's lift them out of there, but sometimes quite frankly I can't be bothered so we drift.

I cut parents taking small children swimming a lot of slack because it's such a bloody miserable experience. You get out of the pool, freezing cold, everything's wet, everyone's miserable, the floors are wet, the benches are wet and then you have to wrestle yourself and a small child/small children into damp, sticky clothes (and someone always needs a wee, which means crouching in a filthy toilet cubicle in your swimsuit trying not to touch anything!).

I am so happy now my older DC is 8 and isn't allowed in the female changing-room anymore, because that's one child I don't have to sort out after his swimming lesson. If we had the money, I'd hire a nanny specifically to take my kids swimming so I didn't have to do it.

It sounds like the child has sensory issues of some sort which make the changing room experience after swimming quite difficult. We have a child like that in my younger one's swim class - they really hate the cold changing-room and having their wet swimsuit peeled off and showered and hair washed and do get quite upset after swimming. The mum finds all of it quite difficult to deal with too (we've chatted about it), which adds to her difficulty in coping with her child when she's also struggling.

I remember someone on here once posting negatively about a kid having a KFC with her parents. It was on the same day my daughter had her first KFC so it jumped out and stuck in my mind 😆

It showed me how everything that is one here that people post about other parents is a) only a snapshot and b) normally just a vehicle for them to reassure themselves that they're so much better.

My daughter ate five small meals a day, every day, but that one KFC was probably the devil's work to someone and indicative of my terrible parenting as a whole.

So even in this case if it IS the way she parents - who's to say she's not actually getting it dead on 99% of the time with that particular child?

No.

I have ADHD. Both of my children do.

This isn't an anti-ADHD comment.

This is from observations of small but increasing numbers of parents who are not parenting their children who then look for a reason beyond their own pack of parenting.

Haha yes I can see why an open ended question would be a nightmare 🤣 I always take "giving choices" to mean "giving a choice between two options I'm fine with," I guess I shouldn't assume that's what everybody else means!

This isn’t gentle parenting. It’s permissive parenting (no boundaries )

No, that's not at all what I've said, you've completely misunderstood my post. I said in a previous post I felt sorry for the child.

I was responding to someone who referred to a post about ADHD.
But it was all a bit of a tangent.

Yep! Absolutely!

Yeah that’s not how ADHD works. You need to educate yourself

Northermcharn

It could have gone either way knocking into her, could have made things easier but certain people would close down if offered help, always luck as to which way it goes x Nice of you to even think it though x hopefully it was just a horrendously bad day and they had a better evening. Swimming is up there with the most stressful of activities