This is bonkers mummy behaviour

[constantnc]

At the pool. Waiting on kids in swim lesson.

There is a mummy walking/following her 2 year old around..
Both soaked from swimming,
are you choosing a cubicle? Which one do you want? Joe mummy wants to go home...I know you want to stay....why are you walking around the changing room, no treat now, come on go in there, let's go let's go....he's now wailing while mummy is narrating the whole thing while following him around the communal room.

Ffs pick him up and take him into a cubicle...aibu?

We are now on you are tired after your swimming lesson, I know, let's get changed now....still carrying the swim bags around the room 🫣

Yep, unfortunately these kids have hit the workforce. They are pathetic, but in a way not their fault, was the way they were brought up, which benefits neither themselves or society.

Parenting like in this style was less common when mine were little. I was pretty gentle in my overall parenting style (I am a quiet and gentle person after all) but I definitely knew what my limit was and would not have allowed one of mine to behave like this, especially if other people were being annoyed by the noise etc - there’s a time to step in firmly but lovingly and just crack on with what needs to be done. Tantrums are going to happen whatever you do 🤣

But as you say people parent differently now and this is what they believe to be right. I’m waiting with interest to see how my future GDC are parented - I won’t be a judgy grandparent though. By my mum’s standards I was a very permissive parent and by HER mum’s standards my siblings and I were basically left to run wild 🤣 (we definitely weren’t). But society is changing for sure, it always has.

When the adult, who is supposed to be in charge, asks the child to make all the decisions, that can be overwhelming and frightening for the child. It's like the pilot saying to the passengers - 'does anyone know how to fly a plane?'.

The adult is supposed to know all the answers. The child doesn't know what the right answer is. It's too much responsibility. Gentle parenting thinks it's empowering to give the child choices constantly. But in reality the child feels much more secure when it knows someone is taking care of their wellbeing by making safe choices for them.

Love the wild fox bit 🤣
But I think that’s it, they are afraid of the tiny tyrants in a way that I don’t remember being. Maybe not wanting to provoke a public tantrum? Is that socially unacceptable?

I do find this really irritating but to be fair swimming with small kids is a learning curve. I remember the day I discovered a post swim banana magically made everyone do what they were told. It was like a shining light from heaven beamed upon our changing cubicle. Which we were already in, though.

I’d just shout “get in the changing room now you little shite”.. What style of parenting is this?

It’s ridiculous isn’t it. Who is the bloody adult here. Kids need safe boundaries and shown how to behave. This type of parenting is doing them a disservice in the long run.

I wonder how many of us would come out smelling of roses if someone saw all the snapshots of our parenting.

There is something really bitchy about posting about a mum in this way. Let alone going home thinking about her long enough to write the post.

I have friends who are teachers who say the same. Most of them want to leave teaching as soon as they can now.

Yep. Green cup or blue cup, fine. Of course some age appropriate choices are fine.
But letting them think they are in charge? Not fine.

This could be my brother in law. He is terrified of his children crying / making a scene and so faffs around pandering to their every whim. And then wonders why he’s left behind (literally in some cases … in this example we would have been dressed and had a coffee / snack by the time he comes out. So we’re ready to leave and his child hasn’t had a snack… round in circles we go again etc )
I think it’s rooted in his own anxiety

Ridiculous. I agree just pick him up, wrap him in a towel and get changed.

It's not about this individual mum though, it's more that it is a parenting trend.
20 years ago this would have been very strange and unusual parenting but now I'd say a good 50% of families with under 5s parent this way. It's been a huge cultural shift.

Is it any wonder when you have people like OP publicly critiquing other parents?

I was parented in this style - really not ideal either.

Ah, but I dare say some would argue that taking Joe firmly by the hand into a cubicle, stripping his wet things off and drying him - without his express permission! - amounts to assault. ‘His body, his choice!’ - and all that sort of bollocks.

This thread is literally about a snap shot of this woman’s day.

When you’re a parent you might try all sorts, I myself have mixed between gentle parenting, losing my rag and screeching (rarely and regretted it, wouldn’t have wanted anyone posting about it on mumsnet), and then a mixed approach.

This woman might never use this approach again. What about all the other amazing things she might be doing that day? Surviving sleepless nights? Providing nutritious food to a child that won’t eat it? Potty training?

What if it was her first time at the swimming baths?

I know someone like this and their kid is their 'best friend' kid has refusing to go to school on an off for years. Runs the house hold is now a tween.
Parent struggles as a result but can't see they have created the problems from a very young age. Kid is still their best friend.
Doesn't understand best friends don't tell you to go to bed, do your home work, help around the house and generally have respect.

I can’t believe how many people are reaching to the fact the child is doomed from this one moment 🤣🤣🤣

You’re all like old biddys over the fence in the olden days bitching about the young mothers of the neighbourhood.

It’s easy to judge from a small snapshot, maybe the parent was anxious she would get judged for getting the hump or being firmer with her child.

Maybe she had a shit morning and just did not want to deal with a meltdown, which toddlers are prone to do, I know I pick my battles sometimes.

I have a large age gap between my kids and I definitely parented the older one differently to my youngest. I imagine none of us get it right all of the time.

Parents do seem scared of their own small children now, but I don’t actually think that’s it. They are scared of social media.
Anything we do in public can be recorded, shared, and go viral.
So, you grab your kid and make them get in the pushchair- your child screams blue murder- you’re all over the internet as an abusive parent.
It’s the same reason a lot of teens won’t dance in public, or middle aged women won’t challenge bad behaviour. Who want to be all over the internet as a dork or a Karen?
We live in a world of constant ridicule and judgement.
Fortunately I don’t care, am not on sm (other than here) and could well be Karening all over TikTok but would be none the wiser.
For this generation of young parents though, they are paralysed with anxiety- and I get it.

That’s quite sad. Another sign of why it’s so important to work on your own anxiety in order to be a better parent. Parenting is hard and stressful, but children thrive when they feel safe and secure with boundaries. The sad part is that he’s trying to save his children from unpleasant feelings (because they stress him) and that’s not doing them any favours. Children who are told “no” seem more likely to grow into adults more capable of the kind of self-regulation that society and individual success (however you define it) demand.

It's a parenting website ffs and ages talking about a parenting trend! She's not identified the person in any way.

Why does one grown woman refer to another grown woman as ‘a mummy’? It’s so infantilising. Mummy is a name for small children to use, not adults.

Allowing your child to make choices can go too far.

You are the parent. They do expect you to lead the way. To choose, to tell them, to guide them.