Friend’s awful dress and my reaction

[SummerFate]

A friend is mine is quite heavily into fashion and spends a lot on clothes. Some of her choices are quite bold and not necessarily what I would pick, but she has a good figure and is quite distinctive looking, so can generally pull off something a bit more “out there”.

However, yesterday she showed me the dress she has spent a fortune on for an event - and it’s hideous. Not “not to my taste” - objectively hideous. And my face reacted before my brain could tell it to keep quiet.

She could tell immediately that I thought it was awful and she looked really upset. She said straight out, “You hate it, don’t you?”, and while I tried to say it just wasn’t my personal cup of tea, it was too late. It was obvious I hated it. I said we all have different tastes, what suits her wouldn’t suit me and that I’ve seen things look amazing on her that I could never wear, but the rest of the evening was really awkward.

I’ve messaged this morning saying I’m sorry if I upset her and that I didn’t mean to, and that she shouldn’t let what I think affect her choice. She hasn’t replied.

How do I fix this? Do I just hope it blows over? I know I should have tried to hide my thoughts, but when she said she’d spent twice what I pay a month for my mortgage, I was expecting something amazing - I just couldn’t hide my reaction when I saw this monstrosity.

It’s a bold dress and she likes to dress boldly. It’s precisely the type of dress for someone who wants to wear a dress most other people wouldn’t. It’s a dress that wants to get a reaction.

The material isn’t for me but I do like the style.

I can quite imagine someone confident with a good figure pulling that off.

I’d stop apologizing OP, it will only make it worse. She chose to buy a provocative dress. It’s a total marmite dress . People who love what the dress is trying to do with love it. Others will hate it. It’s that type of dress. It’s not meant to be a ‘safe’ dress. She needs to own that. This isn’t all on you.

That is hideous! YANBU

It’s not your fault OP. You didn’t mean to hurt her but couldn’t help your expression. And also, what can you do now? You can’t reverse your expression.

There is not a lot more you can do. If you are a good friend otherwise, hopefully you can both move on. Just don’t go anywhere near her with a lighted match.

That dress has managed to combine Barbara Cartland, the worst of the 80s, and also the texture of a bin liner. And possibly Amy might have worn it in the Big Bang Theory.

I've seen wedding dresses made with that texture. I guess it's popular.

If she likes it, she does have to accept that some people are going to hate it. I would probably turn up to a formal event in a suit. Some people would hate that.

I think you’d be a worse friend letting her wear that without some kind of hint that people will think she is absolutely off her rocker!

Yeah, the dress is dire, although that is beside the point in a way.

I don't think you've done anything wrong.
If she likes 'out there' style, it seems odd that she would be offended by a friend not being into something she is into. Is her confidence really so fragile that your facial expression would destroy her self-esteem / ruin her enjoyment in the event she is attending / stop her from wanting to be your friend? Or is this your anxiety speaking?

People who don't want honest reactions should not, in my view, ask for opinions. There are exceptions to this - the apocryphal 'does my bum look big in these jeans?' conversation when someone is getting ready and already stressed out, or when someone has bought an expensive wedding dress that they cannot return. There are certainly times when I'd work hard to feign enthusiasm or go for a white lie and some reassurance over honesty. But it doesn't seem like one of those times, and anyway, you couldn't help your initial momentary reaction! You've said all the lovely reassuring follow-up things!

It's that exact colour isn't it.
Vile.

This ⬆️.
It was subjectively hideous.

Wow it’s exactly as you describe OP! What was she bloody thinking? 🤔

When I looked at it on the website even the model isn't showing her face wearing it 😬.

Oh. My. Christ.
That's not bold.
That's a toddler's party dress made in an adult size.
It looks shiny and itchy.
I couldn't have pretended she'd made a good choice, either.

😂 Oh my!

It looks like it could melt on a hot day. I can just hear it crinkling as she tries to sit down.

I think a lot of people would find it hard to say that dress is nice. You've not done anything wrong OP. If she's brave enough to go for an unusually bold choice like that, then she needs to be brave enough to understand that it will divide opinion and quite a lot of people are not going to like it.

It doesn't mean she shouldn't wear it if she wants to but she needs to not need to seek other people's approval.

Oh my. Maybe it looks better in real life? <clutches at straws>

Am wondering if it’s a bit better here.

Agreed 😱

Not something I'd wear, but if she likes it, no problem.

I can almost hear it rustling.

I reckon she's winding you up. It's the only explanation.

Added bonus.

Hahaha. Yes it seems that there is.

OP you did nothing wrong. You can't help looking suprised when your are suprised. She is being ridiculous if she is sulking just because you didn't like her new dress. She's not 4 years old. I wouldn't be legitimising the sulking by continue to text and apologise.

Alternatively, she might just be busy, and just not have had time to reply.

That's utterly hideous.

If they gave contestants on the Sewing Bee a pile of pink bin bags ...

A warning to avoid the mad lady with more money than sense?

My DD would have LOVED that when she was four.

Even if your friend is slender, has model looks and walks like she's straight off the catwalk, that dress is going to be a tough act to carry off.

I think you just sit back now, OP and let your friend come to you. But my god, I hope there are no horses to frighten at the event she's wearing that dress to.

You are right. It’s gawd awful 🤢