To wonder why people seem to often know their neighbours less well now?

[Giselle374]

I've been thinking about this. My grandmother was a teacher and parent in the 1960s and 70s, and she was friendly with most of the neighbours. She had had years off when the kids were young (though she then went back and worked full time as a teacher) so maybe this helped give her more time to befriend the neighbours?
I've seen some articles say women not being temporary or permanent SAHMs as much is a factor, but I'm sometimes a bit sceptical as some seem to have an agenda of women working being bad. Also puts all the onus on community networking onto women rather than their husbands..

There's surely other reasons...moving is more common, for one. Collapse of community institutions which might have facilitated neighbour friendships more. And the lack of secure housing, renting more common etc In some cases, second homes meaning the residents aren't there a lot of the time (my DM' neighbours, for one)

I absolutely do not understand this.
When we were about to move to our road, we knocked on the next door neighbours houses and introduced ourselves. One set invited us in. This was actually before we even exchanged contracts.
We are in London- all neighbours mc, all working.
They babysit our kids and one set have keys to our house. We go over to each others' houses for drinks/ dinner
WhatsApp group on the road which is helpful . I have always lived in London and have always made the decision to be friendly to neighbours.

I make a concerted effort to NOT know my neighbours too well. I mean, I know who they all are (even have some phone numbers) but the last thing I want when in my house/garden/sanctuary is some fucker popping their head over the fence or calling in for a cuppa. Once bitten, twice shy.

I'm sure this is part of it. Even if you aren't very busy, no one wants to socialise with horrible neighbours.

I also think, back in the day, the local pub was the hive of the community. Now a lot of them have closed, and it’s so pricey to go out drinking, people just don’t socialise like that as much.

That sounds like a good setup. More people in London need that.

In my experience, it's the millennials who just don't want to even make eye contact, let alone pass the time of day.

My other neighbours are more neighbourly from age 50-90. The teens are nice enough kids too.

My friend had a new neighbour who went out of her way to avoid any interaction. DF had taken her a housewarming gift and she was down right ride!

And it's not being busy. Nobody is busier than me or my 58 year old neighbour.

People seem to be losing social skills but I don't know why I've noticed it so much with the thirty somethings.

If we're talking 'over the fence' both my 'over the fences' don't speak english which for me is a blessing.

I don't WANT to know my neighbors. I spend all day stuck in an office talking to people, pretending to care about them. I have no interest in doing it when I get home. I had to tolerate that BS when I lived in the house I grew up in.

I know all my neighbours. Always have. I make a point of introducing myself and animals and saying if there are any issues eg barking, please let me know. We don’t hang out but it's not unusual to text and ask them to eg take in an unexpected parcel.

I see people on here saying they don't answer their doors when people knock - I just don't get it.

Then again, I am from the country, and when you're hours from anywhere, knowing your neighbours is important.

Screen time part of it?

In my experience, it's the millennials who just don't want to even make eye contact, let alone pass the time of day.

Millennials?

And it's not being busy. Nobody is busier than me or my 58 year old neighbour

How on earth can you know that? 😆

This isn't necessarily true that thus bit : ' When my children were young and I picked them up from school if they asked if a friend could come to play I was able to say yes and the other mum and children would pop in for a drink and a snack and the children would play for a while or a couple of mums would arrange to take a picnic type tea to the park after school- arranged in the morning and happened that same afternoon.
social activities were cheap and spontaneous' isn't something families with 2 working parents do. It depends very much on what kind of job they have, how long the hours are etc
I agree children are in wrap around care etc too much but the rise of extracurriculars isn't wholly negative. I do think it's too much often, but arguably it's driven more by pressure to get into schools and have stuff for uni applications than it is by parents working more.

I’m in London & know my neighbours, we have drinks occasionally & cat sit etc.

Sigh.... because if I wasn't so exhausted then perhaps I'd have chosen words that people didn't need to nit pick at 🫩

Thirty and forty somethings?

Sorry have I committed another sin?

I read somewhere - can't remember where - that short interactions with people who aren't friends or even acquaintances (like neighbours you chat briefly to if you bump into) are a lot more important to wellbeing than previously thought

Thats interesting, DH sees the same commuters on the school run & says hello. I was with him the other day & it cheered me up!

People's lives used to be much more local.

They walked to the local shops more, had to go to the post office, bank, greengrocers a lot more. They were out and about in the local area more, so saw their neighbours more and got to know them more.

We're much more insular now.

@Mumteedum just not my experience of millennials at all.

Sorry have I committed another sin?

Now that’s between you and God!

We’ve always known our neighbours really well, like being invited to parties and dinners well. We’ve lived in 4 houses and it’s been the same everywhere. These are rural communities though and often like now, our ‘neighbour’ is a 1/2 mile to a mile away. But we do often have to rely on each other for things, locating a leak in a pipe, finding someone’s errant sheep, or needing help being pulled out of a muddy bog. And actually it is more men.

Dh is largely responsible for meeting all our neighbours, probably because my peopling energy runs out before I get to ‘socialising with neighbours’. I do socialise with them sometimes (but I’d still much rather be at home, even though they are lovely). I think that probably has a lot to do with it. Our social circles were very small in the 50s and 60s. After I’ve finished work and my online support group and messaged with friends who live on opposite sides of the world, I don’t want to go for drinks with Will and Carol too. I want to lie in a dark room. 😂

I think it depends where you live. I live in a rural community and people absolutely do know their neighbours. My family live several counties away so haven’t been there for day to day support when raising my son. Hence my ‘village to raise a child’ has been, quite literally, the village.

Agree

As a child we walked to the shops, people, would just bump in to each other. My suburban street has houses where around 90% have drives. People leave their house and get in their cars so don’t pass each other.

Plus the online world, in theory for connection of some sort we don’t need to even leave our sitting rooms.

Where I live it’s friendly I have chatted to two neighbours today, we just happened to all pull up in our cars at the same time. We do go to each others houses. Talked to next door couple of days ago and neighbours across the road and I did a bit of babysitting swapping when children were small. Plus my road has a what’s app group, it is quite active. We had a street party for the Kings Coronation. We would quite like to move for a better layout and bigger house but I know just how great my road is.

We were also lucky in that a lot of the houses had children of a very similar age, those kids are all in their early twenties now.

I have a village. I rarely talk to most of my neighbours. It has nothing to do with any “insular bubble” it’s that I don’t see them often enough to make any kind of meaningful connection and I’m not at all bothered by that.

When we were young in the 80s, my mum knew all the neighbours and we socialised with them and their children. She didn’t ever use them as her “village” though, that was done by the same type of friends/family as I have.

Perhaps you have been looking at your screen for too long 😆

Wasn't sure if I was being pulled up for the wrong word or spelling or something. Well, it IS my experience. I guess this may vary but someone else I know commented about a similar experience so I don't know.

@circusrunaways indeed I have ..for work. I'm bloody knackered.