To wonder why people seem to often know their neighbours less well now?

[Giselle374]

I've been thinking about this. My grandmother was a teacher and parent in the 1960s and 70s, and she was friendly with most of the neighbours. She had had years off when the kids were young (though she then went back and worked full time as a teacher) so maybe this helped give her more time to befriend the neighbours?
I've seen some articles say women not being temporary or permanent SAHMs as much is a factor, but I'm sometimes a bit sceptical as some seem to have an agenda of women working being bad. Also puts all the onus on community networking onto women rather than their husbands..

There's surely other reasons...moving is more common, for one. Collapse of community institutions which might have facilitated neighbour friendships more. And the lack of secure housing, renting more common etc In some cases, second homes meaning the residents aren't there a lot of the time (my DM' neighbours, for one)

Honest truth.....because i cant be arsed. I didnt choose them and they didnt choose me. I have nothing in common with them and i find some of the things she does strange. I dare say she has similar feelings towards me.

I am not fake. I say hello. I take in the odd parcel and vice versa. Other than that i dont know them. In fact i saw them in asda yesterday and walked straight past them. I couldnt be arsed to stand and make pointless chit chat

My only neighbours have far too many vehicles which they often park blocking my drive without asking which makes me think they are very rude people indeed and not want to get to know them. I cannot speak for the rest of the UK who are lucky enough not to live near them.

For me there are two things I recognise; as a child both of my grandparents gardens had really low brick walls. They both lived in pre war terraced houses. There would be rows and rows of gardens that you could see across and it was very sociable. Over time every has taken these walls down and put up 6ft fences. Secondly, as a child I always remember on the weekends people out the front of the house working on their cars. Cars used to rust so easily and needed so much more maintenance and I have memories as a kid of people being out at the weekends doing upkeep on their cars and chatting.
I think as well just in general a change of jobs. People are working to an older age, more women are in work etc. less people are just about.

We simply need our neighbours less now.

I’m 48 and when I was growing up we didn’t have a phone. The shops also weren’t open as much and we didn’t have a car. So it made sense to keep good relations with the neighbours as they would be the first people you would go to if you needed anything.

Now you can literally order a takeaway anytime you want and everyone has a phone. So younger people don’t bother with their neighbours as they don’t need them.

I say hello to my neighbours and have a chat sometimes if we catch each other outside. We exchange Christmas cards and small gifts (chocolates/biscuits).But I haven’t even thought about inviting them in for a cup of tea etc. I don’t know why really.

Everyone is working and most of them drive, even short distances (yes, judging).

I don't see my neighbours for weeks at a time. I only see the people who use their legs.

I’ve friendly with a few of my neighbours. Know their children can pop a text and have had a few till the early am bbq’s.

There is a new neighbour moving in though and I have zero interest in getting to know them and they have pissed most the street off already before even actually moving in.

I think driving everywhere has killed a lot though. No longer chatting as you by your neighbours to go to the shop, or walking together on the school run. Now everyone sits In their own bubble.

In my case it is because we all are working long hours. Most drive in and out of their driveways. I actually see more of my neighbors in my and their workplaces than I do in our neighborhood. At weekends we are all busy catching up on tasks etc.

My view about neighbours is the same as colleagues - maintain a pleasant distance - if they don't know you too well they can't fall out with you (and vice versa).

I know many of mine as all our kids went to the same school. One is the mum of DD2's best friend and also walks our dog for us. I go to an exercise class with another neighbour and swimming with another. Another is a childminder and looked after my DDs when they were little. We have a street Whatsapp group which is friendly and helpful. Quite amusing sometimes as we live off a road which is randomly closed for roadworks at times and we are all texting about where it is closed, at which end or whether you could squeeze through! It really does feel like a proper community. I work full time but some days from home.

Knew it was a nice area but looking at these comments I feel very lucky.

Oh jeez, that's awful. I do think you're lucky if you have "nice" neighbours. Some can just be awkward, or in little established bubbles themselves and very much a closed off community to god forbid anybody new moving into it.

When I first moved here (over 25 years ago), I became friendly with my neighbours. Two of those neighbours had a huge falling out and I got caught in the middle. They have both moved away and the other 2 neighbours have died ( they were elderly when I moved here). I keep my distance now as I'm too old and too cranky to deal with neighbour dramas. I will say hello if I see any of them but that's as far as it goes.

Yes, I remember my Mum saying if you're too much in each others pockets you just fall out, and living right next to them is so much worse than a friend who lives somewhere else for example. I do think a simple hello and a "isn't it sunny today" etc pleasantries is important though.

I think quite a part of an issue is that people don't know there is something between not knowing at all and being besties and in each other's houses....

There is an obvious payoff with all adults being at work. Women working has been great for women's financial security but the con has been housing becoming extremely expensive and no one having any spare time. Which has a knock on effect on communities and kids. I agree part time and WFH is the way to go. Or, if one parent is stay at home, the bread winner's salaries must be shared equally.

Well, if I think about it, it’s very obvious. It’s because most women are now working so they are not home. And we all have other social outlets now. If I think about it, my granny was a stay at home Mum as were all of the other ladies on the street, they had no other social outlet other than each other, so that’s why they got to know each other.

Also, talking to the internet has somewhat replaced talking with people face to face :p
Or talking with friends overseas/further afield

Transport and communication. We're not restricted to knowing the people beside us. Our friendship circle is no longer restricted to those within walking distance.

I live in a village & found if i said anything to one neighbour then they'd get together and gossip with the other neighbours.
Upon moving into my village somebody ran into my car on day one. 5 minutes after said car accident next door came round to "welcome me to the village" but then complain I was "in her space", even though my car was smashed up and all I really wanted to do was hoover an empty house then get home for a cuppa tea & sort my insurance out, she decided she would start her relationship on an argument.

Weeks later, when I had moved in, oh on moving day they decided to complain about an overflowing green bin they had walked past for 6 months instead of doing anything about it, then whine at the new tennant on their first day in the property. Weeks later when my car was going for repair somebody asked me where my car had gone? I explained, but the words used very descriptive words. a 2nd neighbour asked me the exact same thing and used the exact same words. It become obvious to me they were standing in a circle discussing me.

So why do I not talk to my neighbours you ask? Or why do people decide not to know their neighbours? neighbours they become nosey overbearing gossips. In my case anyways.

My last house, I went out of my way to get to know my neighbours, I realised they were horrid so I ended up moving.

If the “sound pollution” is playing amplified music in the garden, as mine do, the pp has my sympathy

This is a good point. I know all my neighbours some just to nod to, most to chat to, some to socialise with. I even say hello to random people walking past if I'm in the front gardening.

Curiously it's the younger neighbours who are least friendly. I'm in my 50s and in the middle age wise for our street.

We also have a street WhatsApp. I genuinely like my neighbours and this street because it does feel like a community 😊

This has been my families experience of over 50years in a rural hamlet. 1970’s mix of old rural workers and quite hippy incomers as well as local families. There was a fair on the common land, parties in each others houses and when there was a lot of snow everyone dug each other out. Long term friendships between neighbours even when they’ve moved away.

Recent arrivals have turned rural properties into suburban fortresses. Taken out old hawthorn hedges and planted privet, plus gates and huge fences. Planning permissions for massive ‘granny annexes’ without informing neighbours who are often really elderly. Practically no social engagement at all and all driving enormous SUV
s to distant schools.

i find it really sad.

We were the first people to move into our small cul de sac. When others moved in, over time, we introduced ourselves and invited them in for a cup of tea. Several declined and seem to actively avoid speaking to any of the neighbours. There are only ten houses, so it’s sad that there is little sense of community.

I know my immediate neighbours in the apartment block and in the neighbouring houses quite well and while we are not bosom buddies, we chat, exchange small Christmas gifts, water plants, take in parcels etc. Cup of sugar or whatever, no problem. They're all a bit noisy sometimes but I'm sure we are from time to time as well, they all have my number and strict instructions to ring me if anything's wrong. We got very lucky because I have heard some real horror stories from friends who have moany neighbours.

V friendly and sociable in my street

People are more stretched and expected to be “on” a lot more (picking up work emails, endless school admin, activities need booking in advance in tight slots, rare playing in street, also lots on phones everywhere)