To wonder why people seem to often know their neighbours less well now?

[Giselle374]

I've been thinking about this. My grandmother was a teacher and parent in the 1960s and 70s, and she was friendly with most of the neighbours. She had had years off when the kids were young (though she then went back and worked full time as a teacher) so maybe this helped give her more time to befriend the neighbours?
I've seen some articles say women not being temporary or permanent SAHMs as much is a factor, but I'm sometimes a bit sceptical as some seem to have an agenda of women working being bad. Also puts all the onus on community networking onto women rather than their husbands..

There's surely other reasons...moving is more common, for one. Collapse of community institutions which might have facilitated neighbour friendships more. And the lack of secure housing, renting more common etc In some cases, second homes meaning the residents aren't there a lot of the time (my DM' neighbours, for one)

Agree with all : why would nuclear family be a factor though? Weren't plenty of families nuclear in 70s when chatting to neighbours was more common?

Your old house does sound nice...I'm sorry the situation you're in is so different now.

Walls etc definitely play a role but as you say there was clearly an understandable reason to get a higher barrier in the previous neighbour's case...I know my mother grew the hedge higher due to concern over neighbours' behaviour...

Apart from the obvious, that folk are out working more, it's because folk come out their door and into their car.
That's why I know everyone, I can't drive LoL !

Agree with your points...it sounds like you have a nice street though, more ought to be like that. WhatsApp groups are definitely a good thing (assuming there aren't any awful/disruptive members, of course)

I think it's sad really. I grew up very rurally and my parents knew people in a 30 mile radius of our village. I moved to the city and now live in an estate on the outskirts of it, in the next county. It's a really nice estate but obviously everyone is working full time either out of home or at home and it's difficult to get time to chat. We don't have kids so we miss out a bit, I know there is an estate parents Whatsapp that we aren't in, as well as the main one. Luckily we have work friends locally as we work near home. I would really like to meet more people but it's difficult.

hardly any modern tech,

A lot of community spaces have been sold off. Libraries are open for shorter hours where they still exist.

Pub culture has largely disappeared. Larger workplaces had their own social club - these also had leagues for skittles, short mat bowls, darts, pool, that would get people out meeting one another at a regular time each week.

More people played team sports. Even small places had a local cricket, football or rugby team.

@OonaStubbs
Groan.......🙄

So glad I'm not the only one thinking this. People are secretive now, not just private, I think there's a difference, and they are not even polite. I walked out of my new home and say hi to a neighbour and they looked right through me. The world has just gone weird. I've never had a problem socialising and I'm not an in your face type either. These people will come unstuck if their little bubble bursts and they need help from an outside person.

I read that one or two posters upthread have had negative experiences with neighbours. That tends to make you wary of becomeing too close in the future. I was once foolish enough to fill in a benefit form for one neighbour (no good deed goes unpunished) and before long I had been co-opted as her personal PA. Not only that but she was coming along on my working at home days and staying for hours. In the end I had to tell her a pack of lies about the uni not allowing WAH any more and put distance between us. Fortunately she lived in a part of the estate out of immediate view so I was able to get home without passing her house.

When you have spent a lifetime working with customer facing and cliet groups you have done your part for the community. You want a bit of peace and quiet in your own home. I can understand families retiring into their own ittle bubble. In my case my bubble is just me (with weekly visits from a relative). I have no interest in being involved with neighbours and I actively avoid them. I cant say how many times Ive been accosted simply when I went out to pur something in the bin. Now I wait til after dark to do it.

My neighbours probably think I am a vampire.

When I lived in London, I, then my late DH, always had good relationships with neighbours. One has endured to this day, over 30 years and thousands of kilometres later
I was amazed when we moved to Australia that so many houses in our bit of suburban Melbourne had very high front fences, and it's not as if they sit out in the front garden, only an NDN and I do that. Because we are forrin. For context the street is all detached houses.
The dog is walked every day so I know everyone to the left of the house by name as that's the direction of my walk. We don't live in each others' pockets but so many came out of the woodwork when my husband died.
We all smile and wave, and I know so many who I can turn to for help for small things, and we look out for each other. It's very usual for neighbours to take newspapers to the door of those who can't easily get out - here they are lobbed out the roof of a car onto the nature strip.
I know others who keep up a semblance of occupation when someone dies or moves into aged care - moving bins, mowing the nature strip, emptying the letter box.
We look out for each other when the house is empty for holidays, etc.
Are there any arseholes? A couple, both new, who don't get the simple courtesies of living on a street or next to other people.

Ona separate note, the two parents working FT is not an argument I buy. Purely anecdotally I never met a family with a SAHP or PT working parents until I moved here.

Some years ago we bought a house in a small close of 11 houses. Shortly after we moved in we invited them all one weekend for a coffee/cake/sherry type morning in our new house. IIRC they almost all came.
Some of them had never spoken to some of the others in the close!
We weren't aiming to make them all our friends, just wanted to break the ice. It seemed to go down very well.

I live in a street which has a residents association, WhatsApp groups and a Facebook page. And an annual summer party. If anyone needs to borrow something or give something away its easy enough to get in touch. Its an unfashionable part of South London . It feels like a little village.

I agree: it’s almost a badge of honour for some people to be as antisocial as possible.

Some of this is understandable: I work very long hours and I simply don’t have time to have long chats with neighbours during the working week and when I have time for myself I often jealously guard my own time. The last thing I want is to have people tipping up who can’t take a hint. I had a neighbour like this in a previous house who would knock in my middle of the working day wanting a “coffee and a chat” when I was on back to back work calls. I started having to ghost her.

But I do worry about the people who think that they can go through life not interacting with others and try to live in a bubble and “hate people”. Contact with others outside your immediate family is very important to protect mental health and to guard against isolation.

People are very polarised in their approach to this. Some people seem starved of social contact and seem to want to impose themselves on others and others are incredibly precious and guarded about their lives.

I think there used to be more structures in communities which allowed for natural contact without pressure: school, church, pubs, sports events etc. A lot of this has fallen away and nothing has come up to replace it and a lot of people are very unmoored.

I’ve noticed this too. I think it’s a Covid thing and also who people are now. They forget the value that people bring. So sad.

I just dont like people 🤣

I've worked over 40 years FT, 8 house moves. Always made time for my neighbours - especially the elderly as they may be too proud to ask for anything, help wise. Yes, it's a little effort, but so rewarding to be part of the immediate community - especially when you you work FT and have a family. What you give out is repaid.

I live in an ex council house and there is still a mix of council occupied properties and privately owned and we have the best neighbours.
There is definitely still a community feel here and my immediate neighbours have become like my grandparents! They are elderly and have no family so they have attended every family event and we have had them round for Xmas for the last 4 years.
I work full time so don't get to see people as much as I would like but it is still possibly to find very neighbourly areas 🙂 i just hope it stays like this for as long as possible.