To wonder why people seem to often know their neighbours less well now?

[Giselle374]

I've been thinking about this. My grandmother was a teacher and parent in the 1960s and 70s, and she was friendly with most of the neighbours. She had had years off when the kids were young (though she then went back and worked full time as a teacher) so maybe this helped give her more time to befriend the neighbours?
I've seen some articles say women not being temporary or permanent SAHMs as much is a factor, but I'm sometimes a bit sceptical as some seem to have an agenda of women working being bad. Also puts all the onus on community networking onto women rather than their husbands..

There's surely other reasons...moving is more common, for one. Collapse of community institutions which might have facilitated neighbour friendships more. And the lack of secure housing, renting more common etc In some cases, second homes meaning the residents aren't there a lot of the time (my DM' neighbours, for one)

I have lived in 5 homes as an adult over 25 years and have always been neighborly, said hi and had a chat with anyone who wants one. In 3 of my homes I have made friends, in 2 of those pretty much with the whole neighborhood. Where I currently live we have had several community BBQs for different occasions. My direct neighbour and I look after each others pets when away, pop to shops for one another, 'borrow' sugar, milk, bread, tinned tomatoes the list goes on, keep an eye on children, give lifts, celebrate birthdays and have even been away together. I think COVID and the kids out playing helped our little community come together, although we were all on good talking terms before and there are actually only 3 out of the 14 houses who have children, but I guess when they were smaller we went out with them so were present. I love the sense of community we have here.

Doesn't answer why it doesn't happen as much though, sorry.

I've always lived at the end of a road ) cul de sac, wonder if that makes a difference?

I know my neighbours well! Some, I count as close friends, others, more a chat on the street, drinks at Christmas etc.

Mostly due to work and busy lives, I suppose.
But I don't understand why we have to pal up with random people just because we live in the same street. I love the anonymity of a city.
I also hated it as a child when I had to listen to my mother bang on about some trivial gossip about the neighbours - I vowed I would never be like that. And I never have been.

It depends on whether your neighbours are nice doesn’t it? I’ve lived in over ten houses in the fifty years I’ve been an adult. Made some amazing long life friends with two,sets of neighbours and others have been utterly hateful.

IMO neighbours should be there for one another as in most cases that is when good neighbours become good friends.

I think women working more hours is a lot to do with it. My mum and nan were all friendly with the neighbours, they'd have leisurely chats to people they bumped into on the way out. There isn't much time for that in modern life, rushing out of the door in the morning to get to work, coming home tired and wanting to get it so the children's tea can be done in time for the bedtime routine. Busy weekends doing the shopping, catching up with family and cleaning as there's been little chance during the week. Children's activities to drop them off at. Life is manic for working parents.

I'm too busy, toddler, working full time, dog, if I'm not working I'm looking after my son or walking the dog, sorting the house, seeing family, etc. I don't have time to chat with my neighbours or build a relationship with them when I have 0 time for myself.

Maybe you're more settled with older kids than they are possibly?

We have similar, although they're on the charm offensive, then act ignorant and park in visitors bays inconveniencing othere, as they cannot believe bothered to arrange cars on their hugh driveways. Some people are fake neighbourly when really they're rude and disrespectful.

My mum knew all the neighbours when she and they were all SAHP

they had nothing else to do but hang out in each others houses drinking coffee and gossiping

I work. My neighbours work.

we are all nice to each other but not part of each others lives

I think it’s that simple

our street is a weird layout, with some sideways houses, its the end of an estate so people often walk past to get to the shops etc. i think im the youngest on the street (early 30s) but always make an effort to speak, say good morning etc... to people going past.

friendly with ndn, we have a little chat if we see each other.

the other neighbours (next number along, seperated by a small carpark) often chats,and even bought me some sunflowers round the other day and has become second home to one of my cats.

the one directly opposite has a dd whos friends with my dd, so they play out on the street together.

i tend to garden and pot my plants on the front, as it has the sun in the mornings, and id say 8/10 people say 'morning' or stop and ask what im doing, and theres always kids playing out on the grass, or riding bikes

😂

Absolutely this. Women didn’t work (debatable lol) stayed at home and looked after kids. Kids were out n the streets playing. now mums work full time, blended families, kids are at loads of classes, woman socialise outwith the neighbourhood, out in cars doing all the tasks and just generally not home as much as 50 years ago. Life has revolved .

Sorry, I was busy but will reply tonight. Lots of interesting thoughts...

I am, but we're all settled, as in we're all home owners. Tbf it is just 1 couple I'm thinking of. They're friendly enough, just less so than everyone else. Maybe they're shy 😊

Everyone knows everyone here - I wouldn't say we socialised together but we take parcels in, keep an eye on each other's homes when we're away, bring the bins in etc.

It's a very traditional working class town with a big focus on community and helping each other out.

Yes people are way less friendly now….

I agree women working more (which I don't think in itself is bad) is part of it. But there's other factors. As I said, my DGM worked full time as a teacher while her children were promary age, but as she was home for the earlier years there was tome to establish friendships more.

Another thought: how common was it for male neighbours to befriend each other? My grandfather's friends were mostly other Polish immigrants (he was an immigrant post-WW2, my grandmother was not). Did men generally tend to befriend neighbours? Or was it mainly women who had neighbours friends?

That sounds good.

In my case, I'm only getting to know the neighbours now that I'm retired. I've been in the same house for 40 years...

I've always known my next-door neighbour, but that's about it. At one point I was working full time and spending a great deal of time driving over to my parents' house to support them.

My late husband retired a good while before I did and seemed to know everyone.

Im 40 and I grew up not really knowing my neighbours. My grandparents didn't really know theirs either!

All my grandparents were born around 1915.

They had no interest in their neighbours.

However I do, and am friends with quite a few of mine ☺️

It's honestly really nice. Everyone is really friendly too - when I'm out walking the dog, people will stop and chat about everything and anything. People sit in their front gardens and chat all the time in the summer months too.

The disadvantage is that if anything happens, the whole town knows in about an hour lol.

I made friends with the neighbours once.

I have never repeated that mistake.

They were perfectly nice, but so full on. They didn't catch on to indirect hints or direct demands at all. Home stopped being a place to relax, I was tense waiting for the knock or face at the window at any moment.

Couldn't even enjoy any quiet in the garden. The second they saw me out there they shot out and started yapping, not stopping until I went back in home.

I'm not antisocial, but life is so busy that I just need some quiet time sometimes. I'll never put that at risk again. A polite hello, morning or very vague comment is the most I will give neighbours now.

Hmm...in the days when women didn't do paid work as often, wasn't it often common for them to do voluntary work in community organisations as well as gossip etc? This may also have helped neighbour relationships.

I've a neighbour like this. Her kids attend an out of catchment primary so are driven in. She does drop off and pick up on her days (shared custody) so stays indoors all day in between drop off and pick up time.

Weird.