To cancel night out because I don’t like one of the women coming?

[rollingback]

I don’t get out much so probably why I’m overthinking!

Going out in a group of five of us. One of the five is dour, miserable and sarcastic. I don’t like her and I think the feeling is reciprocated.

On the other hand I do like the others and it would be nice to go out. Part of me thinks it’s silly to go if I’m not going to enjoy it much but another part thinks I shouldn’t let one rude person dictate my social life.

I totally get what you’re saying.
The vibe of the people sets the tone for the night. One person bringing negativity and meanness to a small group would have a big impact on me too. I would be on my guard/triggered and it’s not a mind over matter fix. My nervous system reacts and I can’t switch it off.

I pushed through lots of nights like this but it’s draining. I would try and see people separately and only go to full meet-ups when all 6 can go so she is more diluted.

OP i would find it difficult to go too. It would give me anxiety just considering it!
Maybe you say to yourself, right i will try this one more time, try to steer the conversation to topics you know the other ladies will respond too.
If it really is crap being in her company, make a decision to pass the next time.
Or you suggest an outing or something for next time that suits more to your interests, and see if she comes.

I would feel the same about this night out as you do OP.

I am quite a sensitive person and have endured work nights out with colleagues who I don't get along with and it was horrible.

I think another poster mentioned giving this night out with this friend group one last go and then in future just inviting the friends you do get on with to do things.

Friend groups splinter off, it's normal and by the sounds of it, you are not the only one who has noticed this woman's surliness. If she chooses to behave like a cow then you can also choose to not share space with her; socialise with whomever you wish. Life's too short.

2 have pulled out already, I'd just let karma takes its course.

I wonder if they pulled out because dour lady is going.

Don’t be frightened or intimidated by her. You like the others. So go.
If she is rude tell her she is being rude. She will be so shocked it might do her good.

It seems the problem may have solved itself this time 👍 I like to think I can be gently confrontational. For what it's worth, I've got suggestions for you and fellow social worriers.

• Changes the subject while you're still talking: Sorry, Jane, was I boring you?
• Poker face at funny story: Oh dear, Jane's not amused. What silly things have happened in your life lately?
• Can't your DH do it: I want to do it myself.

No need to be snarky. It's honestly helpful to assume awkward people are worried, timid or sad. Or deaf!

None of that would have the slightest effect on her. She would respond to any of that confrontationally or ignore it. Some people are just immune to others’ displeasure.

Gray rock her

Don’t go, you will be on edge when you should be enjoying yourself, what’s the point?

Don't go.. Make an. excuse. IIlness or something. Life is to short to be trying to socialise with people you don't like.
You don't owe her anything

Try and the other members of the group without her.

Probably for the same reasons as you were considering!

Rearrange something with the others, either as a group or 1-1.