To cancel night out because I don’t like one of the women coming?

[rollingback]

I don’t get out much so probably why I’m overthinking!

Going out in a group of five of us. One of the five is dour, miserable and sarcastic. I don’t like her and I think the feeling is reciprocated.

On the other hand I do like the others and it would be nice to go out. Part of me thinks it’s silly to go if I’m not going to enjoy it much but another part thinks I shouldn’t let one rude person dictate my social life.

Can you just pass pleasantries and ignore her the rest of the evening, it's only a few hours

I can't see any reason not to go from what you've posted

Well it depends on whether you think you’d still enjoy the evening or whether her being there would ruin it for you. In your shoes I’d go, try to avoid being sat next to her and focus on chatting to the others (without being rude).

I had a similar situation recently, but there was absolutely no way I was going to miss a rare night out! I gave chatgpt a bit of info on the problematic attendee and the kind of comments she makes and it gave me a brilliant list of comebacks to have up my sleeve!

I think if you're in a group and start declining the events where she's present that eventually you'll just stop getting invited and the group will drift.

I'd suck it up and just be civil but no friendly.

I’d go I think. Does she direct her sternness at you or is she just a bad vibe sitting in the corner?

I can’t really ignore her as we talk as a group when we go out (I’ve probably explained that badly but I mean I don’t talk to Jenny while Susan talks to Rachel, we’re all talking as a group.)

OP - this is completely silly. You are a group of 5 - you don't need to spend the night talking to the one person you don't like. There are 3 other friends there.
Plus - the group dynamics are different from one-on-one.

Don't use this as an excuse to be stuck in your shell. Go out!!!

I know someone exactly like this and face this dilemma from time to time.

5 or more of you? I’d go.
4? Maybe not. Depends on who the others were.
3 definitely not.

@Sashya it isn’t ‘completely silly’ as explained above, we don’t tend to taper off but we sit as a group and talk that way.

A bit of both. I find her presence does kind of dominate the vibe a bit but also I do seem to get more waspishness aimed my way than anyone else although I accept that’s possibly because I’m hyper aware. I’m leaning towards not going to be honest.

What do the others think - are you aware? I would go and just not engage if she makes rude comments. Or change the subject. Years ago I let myself be pushed out of a group of friends by one person. You’ll kick yourself if this happens.

Can't you just be friendly?

I would go, but I can be as obnoxious as the next person should the need arise.
Surely others in the group must also have noticed her attitude. Why keep socialising with her?

Of course and I am but have you ever tried to be friendly with someone who has a face like you omit a bad smell? It’s hard and it leaves you feeling very uncomfortable and awkward. (To be honest, I’m not sure from what I’ve posted how you’ve got the impression I’m not friendly but that’s by the by!)

It won’t be cheap and I guess I’m just thinking it’s a bit silly if I’m not going to even enjoy it.

She’s friendly with one person in the group. In the chat she answers and acknowledges this person alone. I think others have noticed but everyone’s reluctant to say so, especially as the opportunity hasn’t really arisen.

Go but have an escape route if it's all too awful. But push back - I would - life is too short for people to treat other people badly on a night out.

I'd go. If the majority were arses and you only liked one or two then maybe not. But one person you're not mad on in a group is easily navigated. Just try and avoid getting into conversation with her without being directly rude. You'll be fine.

I have a similar issue unfortunately, I breathe a sigh of relief if I know that this particular sour faced Woman cannot make a meetup. I refuse to not go though. That would be giving her too much power in my life. No way.

When I go out I want to enjoy myself if there was a person who was sarcastic and miserable thst would obviously spoil the vibe and put a dampener on it so I'd probably pass and focus on other social events. A bigger group, fine but with only 5 it'd be really hard to grin and bear it.

If she is this unpleasant then why is she invited? Or is it only you who doesn't like her?

Has she just been cursed by 'resting bitch face'/a bit tactless or is she intentionally rude

It’s a group that formed a while ago @Bushmillsbabe and we haven’t branched off … plus she’s very thick with one of them. I am pretty sure others have noticed but since when we do meet up it’s often in a group and she’s there we can’t really talk about it, and no one’s really bitchy like that anyway. But a handful of times when I’ve seen people one to one it has been mentioned in a ‘soft’ sort of way (I’ll pay more for the collection for Rebecca if Sarah hasn’t paid you as I noticed she hasn’t replied sort of thing.)

Have you tried to kill her with kindness, so an ott concerned face with a 'are you ok, you seem very irritated by something. What's wrong?'. Rude people often backtrack when they are called out if done in a very pass aggressive way of course!

And the sad thing is she didn’t used to be that way. A bit quiet and reserved and cautious but certainly not as she is now. She has had a hard time which I am very sympathetic to but there is a limit!

Have you never in your life come up against a person, who just does not take to you for whatever reason, and their facial expressions, and body language are telling you so? If not, lucky you! No amount of being friendly will make a jot of difference.