POSSIBLE DV PLEASE HELP. DISTURBING MESSAGE FROM FRIEND

[Hilary101]

I just had a disturbing crying phone call and text from my friend. I don’t know what to do.

My friend, 22 became really sick few years ago. Had to quit sixth form. Couldn’t work. Doctors don’t know what’s wrong with her, they can’t find anything. She’s been having many tests. She cant/struggling to cook, shower, walk much. Fainting a lot. So far they only diagnosed her with POTS but she is fighting for more tests.

she moved in with her mother who’s been financially supporting her. She hasn’t applied for any disability benefits as she is undiagnosed and she was told pots is not really considered a real or severe enough illness.

She shared her mother has been abusive. She switches from overly sweet and nice to other times throwing things at her, screaming at her, insulting her, swearing at her, etc and there were a few times she has hit her, punched her, kicked her and pulled her hair.

btw her mother, her ex husband also cut contact from her as she was abusive towards him.

today I call her and she is crying saying she can’t take it anymore she wants to die. And sends me a photo of her hand that is covered in scratches.

her mother attacked her again and left her hand in scratches.

she has zero other family.

what should I do? This is all so horrible and I don’t even know what to reply. She lives in east London btw, Redbridge.

Also - take photos of her hands as evidence.

OP suggest to her to see a doctor so there is a record .
This would ensure there was a record should her mother decide to do something.

OP you should assume her mother will carry this out but this should not deter her seeking help .

She may well kill her anyway.
The police would be the chance of survival, and getting her out.

My DSD's mother used to threaten her with murder if she called the police. From what we now know (and she is very safe with us, her mother is in another country), she was being severely physically and emotionally abused.

She's been with us nearly ten years and still mentions it every day.

Call the police. My DSD's mother should have been jailed for what she did. There is much more going on.

My mum recently had to deal with a suspected case of poisoning at work that’s the only reason it’s come to mind, but it was a similar scenario.

https://aanchal.org.uk/services/helpline/

they support people experiencing abuse, and are based in Redbridge. I hope they cab give some good advice. Her mother sounds horrific

I had a physically abusive mother and have had chronic illness since i was 16. The stress of home and exams combined was too much, i still have a CFS diagnosis at nearly 50 even though ive been happily married for 26 years. The body keeps score. She needs to get out and stay away from her mother, im fully estranged from my parents. Happy to help, im in Devon.

Is your friend of Asian heritage OP? The Ashiana Network is based in an East London borough and might be able to signpost you to other local support.

There's nothing funny about this situation so don't know what that weird ha was about. That crazy woman has likely been abusing her, her whole life.

There have been cases in the UK yes. There was 1 in my town a few years ago. But non that I know of have got to the point where they have died. It happens a lot in the US where they have to pay for healthcare. it's now called fictitious syndrome imposed on another.

Yes it was her father. I know he was abused too and scared but abandoning and leaving your child with that woman…

She has probably been abused her whole life.. The mother sounds like she has Bipolar Disorder. My ex had a daughter to someone else before I met him. She was like this a lot. Mother was in and out of mental health units most her childhood.

Best thing she can do is record her. I know it's not easy with a phone she will know. There was a case a few years ago mother had left 11 year old girl alone with her younger sister to go on a night out. She rang her mother to ask when she would be home. Then she rang her mum's friend.. She knew her mum would go mental at her when she got home. So she set up her ipad to record her. Told her she ruined her night.

The "ha" was referring to the fact that this woman may be receiving carers allowance despite abusing the person she is supposedly caring for. Although I agree with the pp that carers allowance is a pittance, ask me how I know!

Oh. Ok, I think you might be right and I've got the wrong end of the stick.

Who knows what is real? Information is like a table Magician.
We do know that Carer's Allowance is an insult held in place by love. That is a fact.

Are there any non-profit organizations supporting women that can step in to help?

Dangerous nonsense.
Threat to life = 999 call.
Stop minimizing and encouraging OP to stall when this is a volatile situation.

Private messaging you? What is she saying?

I understand there are trolls on here but please think about what you are doing. Some threads are real and you could be preventing others from giving very helpful advice that can save a life. I never even met her mother and I’m shaken up seeing her cry and describe what her mother did. This is not a joke. This is people’s life. This is very painful. Please think of consequences of you leaving such comments on people’s posts.
01:19

Hilary101

2nd message
"What’s incredibly cruel is you leaving comments that can prevent people from giving very helpful even life saving advice."