POSSIBLE DV PLEASE HELP. DISTURBING MESSAGE FROM FRIEND

[Hilary101]

I just had a disturbing crying phone call and text from my friend. I don’t know what to do.

My friend, 22 became really sick few years ago. Had to quit sixth form. Couldn’t work. Doctors don’t know what’s wrong with her, they can’t find anything. She’s been having many tests. She cant/struggling to cook, shower, walk much. Fainting a lot. So far they only diagnosed her with POTS but she is fighting for more tests.

she moved in with her mother who’s been financially supporting her. She hasn’t applied for any disability benefits as she is undiagnosed and she was told pots is not really considered a real or severe enough illness.

She shared her mother has been abusive. She switches from overly sweet and nice to other times throwing things at her, screaming at her, insulting her, swearing at her, etc and there were a few times she has hit her, punched her, kicked her and pulled her hair.

btw her mother, her ex husband also cut contact from her as she was abusive towards him.

today I call her and she is crying saying she can’t take it anymore she wants to die. And sends me a photo of her hand that is covered in scratches.

her mother attacked her again and left her hand in scratches.

she has zero other family.

what should I do? This is all so horrible and I don’t even know what to reply. She lives in east London btw, Redbridge.

Can you collect her and bring her to your house?

Her mother left her the house.

my boyfriend is on his way to pick her up

She should apply for PIP and UC (assessment for work). These benefits are determined by how POTS affect her day-to-day life and her ability to work. The actual diagnosis of any medical condition is irrelevant to benefits, it’s the affects of the condition that matter.

Make sure she applies. Once she has financial independence she can leave her mother’s house for good.

Please encourage your friend to call/webchat the national domestic abuse helpline. Domestic abuse isn't just intimate partner violence. The situation you are describing would count. They can give your friend proper advice.

Great!

Abusers will threaten allsorts to scare people into silence. Its a fearmongering tactic and power play to scare your friend not to report her

Call the police now

How is he picking her up if she can’t really walk much? How is he going to get her out of the property and into the car?

@Hilary101 You are presumably a similar age to your friend? Do you live with your parents or can you contact them for advice?

I can see that you are scared and overwhelmed and this is a huge thing for you to deal with. I have kids your age and I would want to help them (and indeed, have done) if they were in this situation.

If you are not able to speak to your parents is there an older woman that you trust that you could ask? I say "older woman" because sadly women of our age are a bit more knowledgable about this sort of thing and can help you.

Take care x

Presumably he can carry her, so maybe stop trying to pick holes? If you doubt the veracity of the thread you can report it.

I can't believe you've sent your boyfriend and you are still on here posting.
Let's hope he's ok going there on his own to be faced by this dangerous woman.

OP may be getting a bed made-up for her.
The dangerous woman has left the house.

Offer to get her and for her to come and stay with you.

While she is with you, get her to call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline. They can talk through her situation and are the place to call so she can get a place in a refuge. Another option would be for her to speak to the local council who will be able to put her into emergency accommodation and help her with safeguarding via DV organisation and adult social care.

So pleased. Get her safe and report her mother before she murders her

Thanks, I didn't quite understand the way she phrased it.

Why didn’t you go with your boyfriend OP?

I’m not picking holes. It’s a genuine consideration that the OP and her DP need to be aware of.

The best thing to do for the friend’s safety is to call the emergency services who will be able to safely remove the friends

I have already reported to MNHQ just in case.

You dont know if they live together, given their ages it could well be that they dont.

No but the OP presumably knows, which is why I asked her the question?

No need to be snotty.

Dangerous woman may have left but there is no guarantee that she won't return while the boyfriend is trying to rescue the friend. Not calling the police is leaving him at serious risk. Fingers crossed all turns out well.

Now you have got her to safety, this is a route she could follow.
Make an urgent appointment to see a medical professional tomorrow. Advice them that she is experiencing domestic abuse and death threats. They should ask her if she is ok with being classed as a vulnerable adult.....the answer is yes! The Dr will refer her case to adult social services who'll then take over getting her to a refuge or other safe accommodation.
I hope this helps.

This! I don't know who has told her it's not worth claiming PIP, it's certainly worth applying. She would benefit from advice from an organisation such as CAB on how to complete the form They will know the key words and phrases to describe her difficulties accurately.

Tbh I don’t think the police will place a particular priority on a woman with scratches on her hand complaining of ongoing DA. They are unlikely to be a quick solution.

And there’s no need for you to place yourself at the centre of the OP’s thread, by answering questions on her behalf, that only she can answer.

I’m not the only person you’ve done this to.

They are deep big bloody scratches

but yes that’s what I was worried about too

Emotional abuse is not really taken seriously is it and other than this scratches photo she doesn’t have any proof