POSSIBLE DV PLEASE HELP. DISTURBING MESSAGE FROM FRIEND

[Hilary101]

I just had a disturbing crying phone call and text from my friend. I don’t know what to do.

My friend, 22 became really sick few years ago. Had to quit sixth form. Couldn’t work. Doctors don’t know what’s wrong with her, they can’t find anything. She’s been having many tests. She cant/struggling to cook, shower, walk much. Fainting a lot. So far they only diagnosed her with POTS but she is fighting for more tests.

she moved in with her mother who’s been financially supporting her. She hasn’t applied for any disability benefits as she is undiagnosed and she was told pots is not really considered a real or severe enough illness.

She shared her mother has been abusive. She switches from overly sweet and nice to other times throwing things at her, screaming at her, insulting her, swearing at her, etc and there were a few times she has hit her, punched her, kicked her and pulled her hair.

btw her mother, her ex husband also cut contact from her as she was abusive towards him.

today I call her and she is crying saying she can’t take it anymore she wants to die. And sends me a photo of her hand that is covered in scratches.

her mother attacked her again and left her hand in scratches.

she has zero other family.

what should I do? This is all so horrible and I don’t even know what to reply. She lives in east London btw, Redbridge.

Threatening to kill someone is taken seriously, certainly in my local police force.

Edited to add. But I don't live in London so not sure if it's the Met we are talking about here, who seem to live in their own bubble.

I mentioned it because its easy for women who are older (as I am) and living with partners/husband etc or even LTR who dont live together, that it isnt that way for much younger people. I was trying to be helpful and not "centre" myself. I am sorry that you saw it that way.

That isn’t an emergency though, it’s an ongoing longer term narrative that hasn’t even been said tonight as far as I can see.

it’s the sort of thing you’d go in and report or call 101 tomorrow about. It’s Not faster than the boyfriend collecting her

Does her mum have a mental illness? Contact any Domestic Abuse charities and ask for advice. They might assist her with temporary access.
With her history, she should be entitled to PIP as it has nothing to do her diagnosis but how her illness is affecting her day to day life.
Once she gets PIP, she is essentially disabled and would be considered as a vulnerable person. She will have access to further help with universal credit.

My son has brain damage causing Cerebal Palsy affecting his mobility and personal care. He had to appeal and then go to tribunal to get it awarded, and when it was it was a high rate for mobility and middle rate for personal care. Seems to be that they will say no until they are forced to say yes. A lot of people give up and dont bother appealing according to DS's advisor and they bank on that.

"her mother had her so convinced if she ever contacts police she will murder her. Her mother said she has nothing to lose then and she will finish the job."
It's in the OP's responses. Here is one quote. Perhaps you missed it.

Controlling and coercive behaviour will be taken seriously.
Source - work for police specialised in DV. Please call the police

I was asking the OP 🤷‍♀️

Similar here. I'm so sorry you had to fight for that it's exhausting and distressing for sure.
But with specialist support, as you say, it can be done.

I didn’t miss it, that passage is what I’m referring to

She’s here!!!

I am so happy she’s safe now!!

shell get some sleep and i will think our next steps!

have no idea what to do next…

im also very worried people I’m living with won’t be ok with her staying more than few days…

I just wanted to add it sounds like your friend may well have Ehlers Danlos syndrome - often associated with POTS and the other symptoms mentioned

Don't you have self contained accommodation?
Keep an eye on her scratch wounds.
They may need medical attention esp as she is not in full health.
Might be worth taking her to a walk in for tetanus jab.
Tomorrow.
And consider further options.
How likely is it that her mother could murder her
Don't encourage that line of thinking.
She should report it to police.
Reporting it makes her more safe not less.
She needs professional help.
All the best.

That’s great news. What a brilliant friend you are.

https://womensaid.org.uk/ saved me. Please get in touch as part of your next steps, they can and will advise. Bless you for getting your friend and for reaching out for help and advise. I hope you all have a peaceful night xx

She will thank you for this when the whole nightmare is over

Not to sound insane but is there any chance her mum could be poisoning her to make her sick? I know that sounds crazy but it’s happened.

Thank God you were able to take her in. Please call police first thing and don’t let her talk you out of it. Death threats are illegal.

Hmm. I'm concerned that you don't know what to do in this scenario. Are you very young? This is all very unbelievable but also sadly, seeing some threads people really are this bad at making obvious decisions. Little tip, excessive use of certain punctuation gives you away.

Could the mother be causing your friends illness? Deliberately or otherwise, I would be very suspicious and concerned.

This was my immediate thought

NGL I thought this also

Try to call an abuse helpline tomorrow for advice and support. I am also suspicious that this psychologically deranged woman may have been poisoning her own daughter. She must not go back to living with her.

Hadnt thought of that but now you mention it.....

Wasnt there a case that a woman ended up killing her young child in the UK because of Munchausens by proxy?

I wonder if the mother gets benefits due to being a "carer" (ha!) to the OP's friend.

Contact adult safeguarding team at local council.