POSSIBLE DV PLEASE HELP. DISTURBING MESSAGE FROM FRIEND

[Hilary101]

I just had a disturbing crying phone call and text from my friend. I don’t know what to do.

My friend, 22 became really sick few years ago. Had to quit sixth form. Couldn’t work. Doctors don’t know what’s wrong with her, they can’t find anything. She’s been having many tests. She cant/struggling to cook, shower, walk much. Fainting a lot. So far they only diagnosed her with POTS but she is fighting for more tests.

she moved in with her mother who’s been financially supporting her. She hasn’t applied for any disability benefits as she is undiagnosed and she was told pots is not really considered a real or severe enough illness.

She shared her mother has been abusive. She switches from overly sweet and nice to other times throwing things at her, screaming at her, insulting her, swearing at her, etc and there were a few times she has hit her, punched her, kicked her and pulled her hair.

btw her mother, her ex husband also cut contact from her as she was abusive towards him.

today I call her and she is crying saying she can’t take it anymore she wants to die. And sends me a photo of her hand that is covered in scratches.

her mother attacked her again and left her hand in scratches.

she has zero other family.

what should I do? This is all so horrible and I don’t even know what to reply. She lives in east London btw, Redbridge.

Get her to you and then call the police.

She is using fear to control your friend (and clearly did the same with her ex, and if he is your friends father then he is a piece of shit for abandoning her to that woman) because she knows full well that she is in serious trouble if the police get involved.

Can you pick her up or get her an uber?

Uk

Don’t be ridiculous. That’s a promise you can’t possibly keep. You need to call the police.

I’m think go and get her to and take her somewhere to get her mental health support. I’ve copied below some info online:

For immediate mental health crisis support in Redbridge, call Mental Health Direct at tel:0800 995 1000 0800 995 1000 (24/7) or NHS 111 (Option 2). The Redbridge Home Treatment Team (HTT), based at Tantallon House (Goodmayes), provides 24/7 acute care to avoid hospitalization, reachable at tel:0300 300 1882 0300 300 1882 (Option 2).
Redbridge Council +4
Key Crisis Services in Redbridge:
NELFT Mental Health Direct: tel:0800 995 1000 0800 995 1000(Available 24/7 for advice and assessment).
Redbridge Home Treatment Team (HTT):tel:0300 300 1882 0300 300 1882 (Option 2) - Provides intensive, acute home treatment for severe crises.
Mental Health Crisis Assessment Hub(Goodmayes Hospital): tel:0300 300 1882 0300 300 1882(Option 3).
Redbridge Recovery Hub: tel:020 3031 6501 020 3031 6501 - Community-based support for mental health crises.
Redbridge Well House: Provides a safe, 24/7 alternative to hospital admission for residents in crisis.

OP, this is too serious to ignore. I’ve contacted MNHQ who might be able to assess this further

She beeds to leave and call pol8ce.
Or barricade in a room and call police. Thet will take her mother away.
If she does nothing she might get hurt anyway

My ex husband said that to me 8 years ago....and yet here I am, hale and hearty. He is too scared to come anywhere near me after the police were involved as he knows I (and they) will make sure he never sees the free world again if he does.

Is there a reason why you won’t tell us what you said to her on the phone?

For goodness sake, if this woman is so dangerous then ring 999 and tell them what's going on and that you are willing to take in your friend. They will help.
Threats to kill constitute a criminal offence.

If you keep dithering and posting you don't know what to do and ignore advice people will start to think this is a wind up.

She needs to go to yours and then call the police.

No one is this stupid.Call the police.

Just to make you aware (from bitter experience) these services aren’t for “new users”.
tbh I can’t see any signs that the friend would need this sort of metal health support anyway?

OP if you don’t want to call the police (I can see why you wouldn’t) then all you can do is check in with her regularly and meet up with her. I can’t see that staying with you for a few days is a solution.

Huh? This is not your decision to make, just call the police.

What you are saying doesn’t make sense. If the police are involved and anything happens to your friend, her mum would be the #1 suspect so her mum would be stupid to try anything. Contacting the police is more of a deterrent to further harm. You act like police involvement guarantees her murder, that is not logical.

Please call social services. She more than meets the threshold for referral - there will be an out of hours number that should be easy to find. I would also call the police now owing to her injuries and dire MH. I’d be hesitant to say go around yourself as I’m not confident you’d be safe owing to her mum.

what if she follows through with her promise and ends up killing my friend because I called the police???

I’m getting texts she left her alone now.

You act like police involvement guarantees her murder, that is not logical

Exactly.
@Hilary101 you must phone the police and tell them that your friend is in danger.

At this stage her safety trumps your friendship. She has had a clear threat to her life. This will escalate if you don’t call the police.

What if she follows through and kills her and you haven't called the police?

She is texting me begging me not to call the police.

SHE WONT!!! And if she does (SHE WONT) that will not be your fault. How the hell do you think that she will kill your friend once the police are involved? Can she stay with you permanently?

Same.

if things are calming, I agree with another poster who suggested you having her to stay if that's possible?

I’m really sorry to hear that these services may not be accessible. Was just trying to think of an option other than the police as the OP said that when she called her friend she said “she is crying saying she can’t take it anymore she wants to die”. Sounds like an awful situation.

My neighbours saved my life by calling the police, I would be dead now if they hadnt.

Go and pick her up!

I can hear your concern. It’s understandable. But given everything you’ve said, your friend more than meets all of the thresholds to get external help. This is why we have guidelines so we can make safeguarding calls when necessary. This is too much for you to carry yourself, which I suspect may be the reason you posted.