To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

She’s the reason her kids won’t get a holiday, not you.

Was her plan always to have a free holiday courtesy of you? You’re not being mean, you’re just not being a doormat.

Be prepared for your friendship to end. Tbh that might not be such a bad thing.

‘paying for them is taking money from your own kid’

Poor decisions from you so far.

Can you cancel the accommodation without much penalty and find cheaper for you and your DC?

You aren't. Their mother is the reason.

I think the friendship would end even if the OP did pay for her CF friend. She would end up paying for everything including the ice creams and would resent it.

You’re no more the reason her kids don’t get a holiday than I am the reason her kids don’t get a holiday, as I won’t be funding it either.

It’s on her to provide for her kids, not you. Don’t feel guilty.

You won’t be the reason, their Mum is. She doesn’t have the money. It’s all about priorities isnt it? You prioritised your holiday so saved money to go. She didn’t, knowing that you’d pay.
She is really taking advantage of your good nature. Tell her that you can’t afford to pay for it all. Will she also be saying she can’t pay for drinks at night or a meal out? I’d try to find someone else to go with.
She’s put you in a horrible position but you are not responsible for funding her kids holiday.

I would message her kindly but not even mention the prospect of you covering the holiday. ‘Hi Sally, oh no, that’s such a shame you can’t afford to come. We’ll really miss you, but hope we can make it work another time.’

But you're not the reason her kids don't get a holiday - she is! If she'd paid you as she was supposed to, her kids would be getting their holiday

You are kinder than I would be, @Didimum . I would be cross - “look - we agreed this ages ago and now I’m on the hook for twice the money I expected to be. If you’re now not coming, then I’m going to have to see if anyone else wants to come or see if I can switch to a smaller place (she doesn’t need to know you can’t)…..”

As loads of others have said, the only person whose fault it is if her kids don’t go on holiday is hers (or the fault of their father if he’s not supporting them properly). Why should you be making donations to her when she’s basically lied to you and fobbed you off? She doesn’t sound like much of a friend.

The only reason to pay and proceed with the holiday would be if you thought it’d increase the chances of her paying you back the money in full.

More likely though that you’d spend more money and not get it back.

It’s only intended as ‘faux kindness’ 🤣 I wouldn’t feel kindly at all! But I think reacting with feigned kindness entertains no argument whatsoever.

It may elicit a sob story, in which case I’d respond with a bland ‘that sounds hard. Hopefully next time’.

And she'd probably expect you to pay for everything while you're away too.

It's really no wonder the country's in the state it's in and being overrun when you see preposterous attitudes like this.

Hahahaha - what the heck has that got to do with the state of the country? What do you mean by overrun? 🤔

It means, as a nation, we've become so spinless, and we're such mugs now. You know what I mean by overrun.

No, I don’t. Do spell it out.

She is the reason her kids won’t get a holiday. Remember that.

It’s not your problem, if she doesn’t pay, she doesn’t go.

The main issue is as she thinks you’re a walkover, would she just turn up at the holiday home anyway - even though you would’ve told her she can’t go? As from how you have described her it sounds like that’s something she would do, to guilt trip you and put you on the spot.

Edited to add - she’s not a friend and please do not get upset if/when she falls out with you.

The population of the UK was about 56,000,000 thirty years ago, and now it's nearly 70,000,000. Do you think indigenous Britons are having children in such numbers to cause that? What's your thoughts?

Well not if the OP says she's invited someone else instead

Population of France grew from 58m to 69m in the same period, so pretty similar.

My thoughts are that immigrants make a welcome contribution to UK society. Your thoughts are clearly more of the Farage variety.

Well, it's some kind of contribution, I'll give you that. We'll leave it at that, and try to be civilised about it apart from your Farage jibe.

What’s an “indigenous Briton” when it’s at home?

Not to derail the thread, but be careful what you wish for. If you like being able to use the NHS, for example, don’t wish immigrants that work in it away, else you’ll be asking ChatGPT how to do heart bypass surgery in a decade or so.

Bottom line OP is that your friend can't afford the holiday. You shouldn't have to pay for it. If she owed Tui or any other holiday company, rather than you and could no longer afford it, that would be the end of it. No-one else is going to pay for the holiday.

How is it a jibe? If you disagree with Farage, feel free to say so.

Your views sound similar to me. If you choose not to enlarge, so be it, and I will happily sit with the conclusion I have drawn.