To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

You’re very kind op. Too kind.

Of course she cannot go if she doesn’t pay!!!!!!

Your not she is!

God the world is full of these cfs!

Do not go on holiday with her. I bet she ends the friendship because you are no longer paying for her.

Some people have no pride.

HER kids, she pays for herself and HER kids otherwise they don't get a holiday. HER problem not yours.
Plenty of kids don't get a holiday but that's how it is.

Seriously OP, she is the reason her kids won't have a holiday. Stop being such a mug, she is not your friend, she is using you (and has been for some time).

I think it is time to be quite blunt. Sadly I think she will a)take it badly and b) somehow it will all be your fault and it will be the last you see of her.

<Friend>, I'm really disappointed after receiving this message from you. I agreed to cover 50% of the holiday despite there only being two of us. I've covered the entire cost of the holiday up front and given you the time to get the funds together. You are taking advantage of my generosity and it's not something friends do to each other.
<Mychild> has some friends who are free for the week and their parents are willing to cover your share. It puts me in the position of supervising 5 teenagers rather than hanging out with you on our planned holiday but I cannot afford to lose £X. I had to put it on a credit card so I'm already paying interest on your share.
As a single mother too I understand that finances can be really difficult but If I don't hear back from you by Friday night that funds will be with me by Monday I will confirm to <Mychild> that she can issue the invitation formally to her friends.

You’re not the reason. SHE IS!

I'm sorry but she's not being very friendlike is she? They're here kids, up to her to give them a holiday, not you.
Get someone else to go with you, do not let her go, I'd no longer be friends with her either, she obviously doesn't give a toss about you.

What vital services couldn't we run without migrants, if we were employing from within the UK and training etc? My sister's (half) family were the Windrush generation. My GF and Father were immigrants. Immigrant labour is essential in some roles, but British citizens/training/knowledge is the cornerstone. We now consider ourselves British, as do many of our friends who now have leave to remain. We are always quite insulted, as are many British citizens to suggest our country would collapse without migration.

YOU’RE not the reason these kids aren’t getting a summer holiday. They have parents who aren’t paying for them to go on holiday.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too.

What did she think the costs were going to be? Did she never sit down and work out the cost of the accommodation and train ticket together?
Just tell her: 'This is what you owe me. Of course you need to pay your train tickets on top; how else were you planning to get there?'
Oh, and do not feel guilty or let her guilt trip you about her kids not getting a holiday; this is not your fault.

What accommodation is it, exactly? A mobile home on a caravan/holiday park, or accommodation you booked via Airbnb or similar? Can you really not cancel or change it? You could try asking them.

I would tell her you'll try and find someone else to take their place and pay their way, and if you can't, you'll cancel or change it. Even if you can't actually do that, you should not let her come.

You are not the reason for this she is. Bloody nerve of her wanting you to subsidise her holiday with her three kids. I hope you find someone else to go with you and honestly rethink this friendship.

And it’s exactly this feeling that she is trying to exploit. I know it’s difficult when you’re not used to it but you have to have a shiny spine. She’s taking liberties and knows exactly what she’s doing. Don’t fall for sunken cost fallacies.Of course she will deny if confronted. She wants you to pay for the entire holiday then will probably create some fake beef so she doesn’t have to pay you back.

tell her you’ll try and see if someone else wants to come instead otherwise she will need to pay for her half. If it sours your friendship that only further proves shes a user who drains people till they see her for what she is then she discards them.

Stop overthinking it. A very straightforward, sorry to hear you cant afford the holiday now, I will still need the money back that I have already paid for you so let me know what your plans are about paying that back. In the meantime, I will make other arrangements/cancel what I can.

If you do go with her, you will be paying for more things as you go along, you know that, right?

Why is this thread still going? OP hasn’t come back to it, and obviously doesn’t want any advice or she’d engage.

You won’t be the reason, she will. It’s all on her, your conscience is entirely clear. Get another friend to go with you and have a wonderful time.

She posted last night. Probably been busy?

She's not your friend. She's spotted you as a kind hearted person she can take advantage of. She already has done that successfully, and now she's pushing it further to see exactly how much she can get.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too

She shouldn't have agreed to the holiday if she knew she couldn't afford it. If this is unforeseen circumstances, then I'm afraid this isn't your fault and it shouldn't be necessarily be up to you to pay for everyone. It's a lot of money.

YOU would not be the reason her kids don't get a holiday. SHE would be the reason her kids don't get a holiday.

YNBU.
She had time to pay off but didn't. (Knew you'd cover it).
No she cant afford train tickets. Her issue.
You are not the reason her kids won't get a holiday, she is.
Tell her NO, if she cant afford the accommodation and/or tickets how will she afford spending money for her and her 3 kids.
Don't be a mug and lend to her, you'll end up with tension and stress on your holiday, Knowing you paid for her and her family.
While you've just you and your daughter.
Tell her NO, ask a daughters friend, you can relax and enjoy the holiday. Bonus won't have to listen to her kids for the holiday. Enjoy.

You are not the reason her kids won’t get a holiday.
She is a CF and she could have been setting aside a holiday fund. Would you have been expected to pay for all the food and places you may visit too?
OP you sound a kind, thoughtful and generous person and someone I would be proud of to call a friend but she’s definitely seeing you as a mug. It doesn’t matter how long you have been friends, she shouldn’t be taking the piss and don’t let her try and guilt trip you.
Don’t offer the holiday places to other people unless they are happy to pay their share for their children to go.

Exactly!

What has that got to do with this thread? Absolutely nothing.