Partner spending weekend fitting ex wifes bathroom

[user1467973151]

If your partner was fitting a bathroom for his ex wife for 4 months spending a large part of every weekend doing this, what would ypu think?
For reference they have been divorced years,definitly just a friendship, adult daughter (28) lives there also.
Been together 4 months, bathroom was started before we met.
We are very serious about eachother and very happy with him.
But this is upsetting me now.
Spending all day sunday and sunday evening there until around 8pm.
Meaning Saturday is his only day off. He is constantly tired because he works really hard then this on top. Which means hes often tired and not willing to do things saturday evenings with me due to being up early to do this room.
We went for a meal Saturday night but was asleep by 10pm and up at 7 ready to do the room. So i feel its impacting the whole weekend. He also spent easter sunday and bank holuiday monday there while i was alone.
Am i right to feel annoyed?

Soon as he realises he can't stretch the bathroom excuse any longer, she will be needing a new kitchen.

Yep!

Yeah, hes not telling you the truth.

Months just Sundays is ridiculous. But he was going every evening, sat and sunday.

Hes still dating, he is not being honest.

I was going to say YABU but he sounds like a bell end on this alone. Dictating when your son's own dad can watch his own son play sports.

He probs doesn't trust you as he cant trust himself.

Ruuuuuuun.

I have my doubts he is doing her bathroom at all - it doesn’t take that long and there is no way 2 adult women would happily do without a bathroom for over 4 months
The fact he won’t ‘allow’ your ex to do similar is a huge red flag
i would throw this one back

What's that got to do with it

Four months? He’s taking the piss.

Sorry to say but there’s more to this than merely fitting a bathroom which does not in any world take FOUR MONTHS. I’m assuming he’s a tiler/plumber at bare minimum to be able to do this, anyone trained would be able to fit a bathroom in 2-3 days even for a large one.

There’s more to this.

This is a big problem. If one father can spend time with his ex and their child, but another can’t, there needs to be a REALLY good reason why it isn’t basic hypocrisy or the beginning of wildly unhealthy control issues.

17 days plus evenings to “fit a bathroom” tells me he’s still got some control over his former home and is adding you to his list of “properties”.

Coercice control often includes “love bombing” (which becomes isolation from your real support network)

Run. Run. Run

@user1467973151 honestly, you need to give your head a wobble.
You've spent a very small amount of time with this man but 'you love each other very much'. He's committed to doing work for his ex which should be well finished by now so what is he actually doing for all that time?
And the double standard regarding your ex. Think your radar may not be as reliable as you think. Red flags all round, sorry.

Such an angry reaction for such an obvious "drip feed"....

Yep, this.

If he's only working Sundays, and Bank Holiday Monday, then that's not a huge amount of time, depending what exactly he's doing.

For example if he's retiling, getting the old tiles off can take a long time, depending how they were fitted.

My partner is a builder, he redid a bathroom where the tiles had been cemented on to the wall, and the bath cemented in.
Once the tiles were removed the walls had to be replastered, as chunks of wall came off with the tiles.
Ditto getting the bath out - it had to be cut in half, floor was damaged and had to be redone.

Plumbing might need redoing or rerouting too.

So it's not always a simple, quick job.

And anyway, he started it before he met you, it's a really nice thing for him to do for his daughter and ex, and you've only known him 5 minutes!

This is reason to let this one go

What's he doing to the bathroom? Moulding the bath and toilet from scratch? I can't see how on earth it could possibly take that long to do unless the bathroom is the size of a whole house! When we ripped my sizable bathroom out back to brick, we had it all back up and running and done within a week. No idea how on earth it's taken 5 months!

My mental image of the ex's bathroom.

Anyway, the really totally unacceptable thing is that he's trying to control - and eliminate - your co-parenting. So he's going to have to go. You can't be in a relationship that's of net harm to your child (which it will be if, e.g. attending an event which his father is at become a problem).

Wait.

he was there every evening, and both days weekends until recently.

where does he live??

with his wife perhaps?

You're being unfair to yourself. Dump the unstable, untrustworthy, indecisive time waster. What's he going to be doing after you're married... This is a big, fat red flag. Run!

My boyfriend took 6 years doing his bathroom. It all depends how long they spend at a time and how much they’re doing.

Throw him back

I’d have not been bothered by him doing the bathroom if it started before we met…but…he doesn’t get to complain about my ex spending time with me and my son. That’s the rock he’d perish on.

He’s not your partner after 4 months op

If it was started before you met I'd put up with it but 4 months that's a lot of Sundays. It must be nearly finished, see what happens next.

Hi OP. He can't be fitting a bathroom for 4 months. We had a friend of my husband's replacing ours and he could only do it at weekends and he was done in 2 weekends. 4 long days. Average job. But even at double that time it wouldn't take 4 months surely. It does sound like he wants to be there? Sorry I know that's not what you want to hear.

He likes hanging out there basically. Not saying it's anything romantic but it will be very familiar and comfortable for him if they get on well.
Anyway, four months in and it's a set pattern of what he does now.
He'd rather be there than with you.

At this early stage he ought to be keen. Too shabby for you I think.

how can you be serious about someone who acts like this after 4 months?