Partner spending weekend fitting ex wifes bathroom

[user1467973151]

If your partner was fitting a bathroom for his ex wife for 4 months spending a large part of every weekend doing this, what would ypu think?
For reference they have been divorced years,definitly just a friendship, adult daughter (28) lives there also.
Been together 4 months, bathroom was started before we met.
We are very serious about eachother and very happy with him.
But this is upsetting me now.
Spending all day sunday and sunday evening there until around 8pm.
Meaning Saturday is his only day off. He is constantly tired because he works really hard then this on top. Which means hes often tired and not willing to do things saturday evenings with me due to being up early to do this room.
We went for a meal Saturday night but was asleep by 10pm and up at 7 ready to do the room. So i feel its impacting the whole weekend. He also spent easter sunday and bank holuiday monday there while i was alone.
Am i right to feel annoyed?

He is spending your time to make her the Taj Mahal of bathrooms. He is not taking you out on Saturday nights nor staying in on lazy morning Sundays. But he is saving money by not having the energy or time to take you out, and yet he is still getting the benefits. You are a very cheap, cheap, CHEAP girlfriend.

For the next 4 weeks, start going out on Saturday nights with your friends, every Saturday night. Do the same for the next 4 Sundays, hang with your friends to do something fun, interesting, or eat brunch on Sundays. Once you spend 4 weeks doing both days out, you will know if you are truly invested in him as a relationship or not.
Plus, if the Taj is not done by then, peace out. He's just spending the day with his family. You are not a priority; you are a convenience. His priorities were in place long before you showed up.

Obviously wants to have his cake AND eat it - why on Earth have you put up with it for so long?!

This!!!! He’s doing a nice thing, shows he’s a nice guy and if you don’t see it this way then maybe he’s not the one for you after all.

His attitude to you spending time with your ex and young son whilst he spends far more time with his ex and old enough to have her own flat adult daughter is hypocritical. I couldn’t be bothered with this. Why did he think fitting his ex’s bathroom was a fun weekend project anyway? I couldn’t be bothered with this but would have stopped the relationship the moment he told me about the bathroom and also tried to tell me how to spend my time

Have you thought of offering to go and lend ahand? If there's nothing going on over there, why not? Him objecting to you seeing your ex and kids is totally out of order. He is doing two major things that you don't like after just 4 months..... Just saying !

He’d rather spend time with her and the bathroom is his excuse to do that

I bet you anything he’s sleeping with her. He should be paying you attention eg dates and you should be shagging like rabbits at this stage. Not be sloppy seconds.

Really? The double standards points to him being a nice guy?

Get a grip. 4 months. His daughter lives there. Id say its a green flag but your response is a red flag

My response was before (or before I’d seen) the new message from the op. I stand by the fitting the bathroom is a nice thing. And I stand by the this isn’t the right relationship for you; even, or especially, in the light of the ‘update’.

Good god! are you lasses still talking about this!? It's fake news, draw back. Everything's good. It's a bot.

So you see him on Saturdays.

For 4 months.
Adding those days up its only 3 ish weeks you have dated him.
Why doesn't his ex wife hire a contractor?

He sounds like a drag. I'd move on.

I would be more concerned abiut him telling you how to have a relationship with your ex as it sounds like he is quite controlling and jealous.

Do you see him much during the week? This sounds like you are being played to be honest. Does he have social media? Is there a way for you to verify they are definitely divorced / not together, or is it just his word? Have you met his family, or have mutual friends?

I agree with what others have said, he should have stopped once it got serious with you. His daughter is nearly 30 so no, I wouldn't accept that as the reason because it's not the daughter's house so why would she care or need the bathroom doing.

You added on more relevant information later, about his double standard as your ex cannot help you, so I think you know the answer. I'd bail just on that double standard alone. No respect for women if that's the view he takes. Can't cope with men who hold stereotypes like that myself.

Bloody hell.
Is this thread still going?
Has he gone back to smooth the grouting?

Your not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable at all. It's a natural human emotion.

I don't know your partner at all but it shows a good man who can be amicable with his ex partner and prioritise his daughter too.

This can be a good sign of how he will behave with you if things came to an end and demonstrates he's a good man in my opinion.

The way a man treats and speaks about his ex partners and mother speaks volumes and can be a glimpse of how he will treat you when your backs turned.

So it’s also his daughter‘s bathroom he’s fixing, isn’t it?

He has also said that it isnt acceptable for my ex husband to help me and my young son at home or spend time together eg watching my sons sports together.

rules for thee but not for me… I wouldn’t find that acceptable. Sounds as if he has double standards. And you sound unhappy.

Are you sure that relationship is right for you?

He’s just not that into you and he’ll probably end up back with his ex. TBH.

I wouldn't be putting up with that nonsense!!!

Why is it taking him four months to do a bathroom? Nope. Not adding up.

I'd hate to be your mind....

My bathroom (which is tiny) took 7 working days to complete.....and 5 men were working on it. So that's the equivalent of 35, working days for 1 man. This guy has been working, alone, on this bathroom for what...16 to 20 days, if Bank Holidays are included? And we don't know how big the bathroom is, but I suspect it'll be bigger than mine. So he's got a few weekends to go yet! Oh, and my bathroom was done by professionals, this guy is probably a DIYer, so that adds time too.

My dad still regularly does stuff for my mum despite being divorced for almost 20 years now. She’s the mother of his children, they were together for 40 years, she’s not just his ex wife. I know that’s probably not a popular take, but if you have kids with someone, unless there’s DV issues you really should strive to get along with them and work as a team. Even if your kids are adults it’s still nice to have parents who get on and can help one another out as needed.

My step mum isn’t bothered and her and my mum actually get on pretty well (they’re actually eerily similar). When you have kids with someone you’re probably going to be in one another’s lives till you die. You’re gonna be at the same family events, weddings, baby showers, whatever else. It’s optimal to get on with your co-parent if at all possible. I am very lucky that my parents can get on well after divorce and still help one another out, and I think it should be the goal in most cases.

Ahh that's shit my housing association owns a hefty chunk of the estate they had rolling teams replacing the kitchens in all their houses on the estate they do upgrades in batches its cheaper for them apparently

Why would you want to be with such an immature controlling hypocrite?