Partner spending weekend fitting ex wifes bathroom

[user1467973151]

If your partner was fitting a bathroom for his ex wife for 4 months spending a large part of every weekend doing this, what would ypu think?
For reference they have been divorced years,definitly just a friendship, adult daughter (28) lives there also.
Been together 4 months, bathroom was started before we met.
We are very serious about eachother and very happy with him.
But this is upsetting me now.
Spending all day sunday and sunday evening there until around 8pm.
Meaning Saturday is his only day off. He is constantly tired because he works really hard then this on top. Which means hes often tired and not willing to do things saturday evenings with me due to being up early to do this room.
We went for a meal Saturday night but was asleep by 10pm and up at 7 ready to do the room. So i feel its impacting the whole weekend. He also spent easter sunday and bank holuiday monday there while i was alone.
Am i right to feel annoyed?

This is a doomed relationship on both sides.
Just end it now for your own sake. And your sons.

That he imposes rules on your relationship with your ex is so ridiculous I can't discuss it sensibly.
Four months you say?
If you don't take your leave of him now you're going to be up against it.

She’s definitely getting getting shagged dear

You were married for nearly 30 years, you’ve got kids, and you have the energy for this bullshit? The absolute bollocks that women put up with 😂

Do you know for sure he is actually going to his ex wife's or is that the excuse he uses while he dates other women?
Maybe it would be news to the ex wife that her bathroom is taking so long...

Then why bother? He's not very serious about you if he's around to the ex's house more days than not.

It does if you spend most of it in the bedroom😉

If he's only spending one full day per week on the bathroom renovation, then it's not any wonder it's taken 4 months so far. Have you asked him, how much longer it's going to take him?

Unfortunately, it's a project that he started prior to meeting you, and as you've only been together 4 months, you can't start dictating how or where he spends his time.

He can't stop renovating the bathroom, because he's already started it!! He needs to finish the job, regardless of your opinion.

I think you need to ask yourself, how much is your boyfriend still involved with his ex? I'd say quite a lot, if he's renovating her bathroom. Yes, his daughter benefits too, but she is 28, not 8! He didn't have to agree to do the job, so we have to assume him and his ex at the very least get along. Is his ex paying him? Or is he doing all this work for free??

You can end a relationship at any point and for whatever reason. If this isn't working for you, then end it. By the sounds of it, your boyfriend doesn't really have the time for a girlfriend.

It sounds like it is also for his daughter not just the ex wife. I’d just try and get a handle on how much longer it will take to complete. It should be almost done by now.

if he is using this to spin a yarn and mask other things then he is just having his cake and eating it… family llife with GF on the side for sex.

Hard to tell which - this is west you need to work out.

Sometimes men just don't get it

But at worst that's 16 days he's been 'at it', mine was done in 6 days including removing the old one, ripping the tiles off, replacing the whole set and re-tiling walls and floors. 3 working weeks without a functioning bathroom would have done my nut in, never mind 4 months

Nope...this one is not for you.

So the OP allows a boyfriend that she has barely been around 16 times, to dictate her relationship with her Ex and son?

I pity your son.
Imagine allowing this idiot who is making such a fool of you, to dictate how and whom you spend time with?

Unbelievable.
Your poor child.
Bringing such a controlling loser into your life.
I hope your Ex stays close by your son, to protect him.

You can't dictate how he spends his time but you can move on if you're not happy.

4 months is about 16 weeks so if he's working all the time and spending every Sunday there how much time have you actually spent with him?

He doesn't get to decide this

a bathroom does not take 4 months.

after 4 months, it is also not a "serious" relationship. Give it time

Op why are you letting him dictate to you about your ex sorry but 4 months is nothing and to be telling you what you can’t do is controlling behaviour it’s ok for him but not you sorry he’s being a twat you are more likely to still be in touch with your ex than he with his. I wouldn’t be taking this crap from him at all.

I'd get out now. That's a complete double standard. But he's also clearly lying as it does not take that long to fit a bathroom.

Four months and he's telling you what to do? Spending every Sunday fitting a bathroom? Honestly get out now before you are sucked in anymore. Really, use your brains.

Invite your ex around, tell your controlling hypocrite boyfriend. Dump the hypocrite.
4 months isn’t long enough for you to cancel his existing weekend commitments, but it’s long enough to judge them for their behaviour. And at the first sign of hypocrisy and controlling behaviour you should tell them to get the fuck out of your life
and stay the fuck out.

Why does that matter?

You said his adult daughter lives there. Her mum is always going to be a part of his life, they have a history. Could it be that he wants his adult daughter to have a nice, working bathroom? He's not just doing this as a favour...his daughter will also need to use a bathroom, or want to use it.

4 months is too soon for you to be implying and demanding, and in no way should you request he stop doing this for his family. He will put his daughter first. I think you need some patience. When it's finished, you won't have to lose him on a Sunday.

Op- this joker doesn’t want your child to spend time with both his parents?
Why on earth are you tying yourself in knots over the bathroom when he doesn’t give a shit about your child?

Don't waste one more minute worrying about the bathroom, this man needs dumping.

Sod the bathroom. You should bin him for this alone.

@user1467973151 I've read all your updates now.

You gave added info that he was going to his ex- wife's house every evening and Saturdays too until recently.
That sounds like more than a difficult bathroom refit to me...

At the same time he's telling you that "it isn't acceptable" for your exH to spend time in your house with you and your young son, or watch him play sports together.

That's completely hypocritical, and a massive red flag.

I think you need to rethink this still very new relationship, in terms of what is good and healthy for you, but more importantly for your young son.